I Gave Up On My Dream Indefinitely

I guess it’s that time of the year again, the time where I overspill and over share. Once, this girl who was harassing me online told me that I should write my thoughts down in a diary instead of online but I don’t think that’s the case, do you? I am free to write my thoughts on the internet if I wish, on a blog of my own. You might be wondering why I haven’t posted on this blog for a while and the reasons for this are manifold. But, as you have probably surmised from the title of this post, yes, one of the main reasons is that I have given up fiction writing for the time being. I am giving up my dream of becoming an author indefinitely.

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A Ramble On The Void

It’s around half past ten at night right now and I am a bit tired but I still felt like writing this blog post, so that’s what I’m going to do. I feel so immensely tired at the moment, and I don’t mean mentally or physically. It feels like my soul is tired and I don’t know why. Actually, I can’t even exactly explain what it is I feel right now – it’s sort of a combination of nostalgia, misery and yearning all at the same time.

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Raindrops and Roses (A Ramble)

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything on this blog. I’ve been quite busy working on finding a part-time job after I lost my last one and, of course, writing as well. Then there’s the fact that I sometimes feel like whatever I write isn’t good enough, no matter how hard I try, including what I write here, so sometimes, I can’t even bear trying (which is bad, I know).

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A Heart-to-Heart Tonight

So I’ve changed the theme of my blog recently, as you can obviously tell. I hope you, dear dreamers, like it and if not, I might look around for another theme and see if it might be more suitable. I just felt like a change and plus, the default writing on my old theme was so small.

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Blogger Recognition Award!

The dearest thanks to my blogger friend Sakshi Tiwari and her friend for nominating me for the blogger recognition award! Go and check out her and her friend’s blog The Little Dreamland as it is a veritable treasure trove of beautiful musings and advice on this wonderful and sometimes awful thing called life. Sakshi and her friend’s blog truly shows us that the things we struggle with as human beings are universal things, ones which transcend the barriers of culture, time and space.

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Hitting A Low Point

I have officially hit a low point in my life. After I lost my job during the Covid-19 crisis, which is still sort of ongoing, nothing has been going right. I haven’t been writing, for one thing. I reread some of my writing and I absolutely loathed it and realised I had written the same books so many times I was utterly tired of the plotlines. So I decided to give myself a break – only for the days to turn into weeks and with no end in sight as to whether I will ever pick up writing again. I actually hate writing at the moment – not blog writing, which I find cathartic and freeing and a way to connect with people, but fiction writing, which has become this source of stress and a place where I feel I need to be better, to improve, to be better, better, better.

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My Greatest Fear

I have, I have realised, a lot of fears in life. I fear a lot of things. A lot of things. I am afraid of dying alone, for one. I am afraid of others close to me dying. I am afraid for the future of the world. I am afraid of my own insecurities, as I believe for some reason I should be at a stage where I don’t have them anymore. But none of those come close, my dear, to my fear of being useless.

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You Have To Be Able To Be Happy On Your Own – A Heart-to-Heart

I was about to make this another rather ordinary ramble on my blog, but then I scrapped the entire first paragraph and decided not to write today, that I didn’t have anything to say. But then I thought, when in doubt, write from the heart; so that is exactly what I am going to do today. I am going to write from the heart, and say exactly what is on my mind, and I hope that you like it and that it helps you in some way.

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How To Be Happy

My first post when I returned was titled “I’m Finally Happy.” It detailed the incredible progress I’d made in overcoming my childhood and how that had made me finally happy. And it is true. I am happier now, happier than I have ever been, in fact, because I no longer carry the wounds of my childhood that were affecting every aspect of my life. What that doesn’t mean, however, is that I’m happy all the time. I am much happier more often than I used to be, but I still get sad.

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Sunday Blues & Thoughts

So, I decided to write another post today. It’s Sunday, once again it’s 10pm, and once again, I find myself in the position of having nothing to do and no brainpower to actually go and work on my books. I actually feel like I don’t have enough brainpower to even write these words, but we’ll see how we go.

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