I am Anne Shirley from the Anne of Green Gables books reincarnated (hey, fictional characters are real to me. Don’t judge). I am so romantic, not only in terms of love but also reality, that I’m scared I will never achieve happiness because of my unfulfilled idealized visions.
I’m scared I’ll end up an old maid who lives inside the rich world of her mind with only a host of feline friends to keep her company. I’m scared of dying without ever knowing what it is like to fall in love.
So, I decided to create a list of ways in which I am a romantic. Writing about issues has always been cathartic for me. And perhaps you can relate to some of them, too.
1. I twist every innocent situation with a man into a romantic one in my head. It’s like I am so desperate for romance that my mind tries to compensate for it by seeing innuendos which aren’t really there. That man who opened the door for you? He was just being polite. He isn’t going to fall in love with you during your stay at the hotel and whisk you on a romantic adventure by the end of the week. Gosh, girl.
2. I love antiques and old buildings. There is something magical about them that sends a shiver up my spine. Everything ancient, a brooch, a crumbling book with silverfish pasted within its pages, a castle in ruins, seem to hold a story, a wondrous past full of secrets and mystery. Oh? This brooch? It belonged to a duchess who had a torrid love affair and then killed herself with her lover’s name on her last dying breath…
3. Strong emotions make me happy. I love tragic stories. They make me feel such exquisite sorrow. I love reading beautiful poetry and watching the stars in the sky because they fill me with indescribable joy. I can’t stand the in between. I can’t stand indifference, neutrality. I feel the most alive when everything is dramatic.
4. I imagine my life as being a romantic fairytale. I’m a pathetic woman who never outgrew her Disney Princess movies. I may be shy but I’m sweet and one day a Prince Charming will fall in love with me. Please, please, please. *wishes on a star*
5. I burst into song when alone. When I take my solitary works, I start singing and imagine myself as a character in a musical film. It allows me to escape the mundaneness of reality. It’s awkward when someone walks past and I try to pretend I am just humming.
6. I idealize people. I don’t only idealize men who I observe but never talk to, construing them as the perfect man in my head. I have also romanticized other people such as teachers, imagining them to be noble pioneers in their field who understood me as an introvert and thought I was special. It never coincided with the reality.
7. I still think I am special. Deep down, I know I’m not immensely talented or original or wonderful. But I’m so romantic that I think I am special because it helps me to cope with existence and reality. I want to feel like my life matters even if only a handful of people will care if I die at this point. It’s a delusion I maintain for my own sanity (more on this in a later post).
Are you a romantic? Or grounded and pragmatic? Which do you think is better?