What Introverted Women Are Attracted To


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Introverts are some of the most misunderstood people on the planet.

And since men can find women incomprehensible, female introverts are doubly misunderstood.

So, to enlighten people on this topic, I present you a list of what introverted women are attracted to:

1. Introverted women like men who listen.

We may be quiet but we have a lot of thoughts whizzing around in our minds. And if you’re lucky enough to have an introverted woman divulge her deepest thoughts, you better pay attention. If you don’t, we’ll feel miserable and that we’re not worth your time.

2. Introverted women like men who respect their ‘cave time’.

Honey, I swear I’m not ignoring you. It’s just that after a long day of work and socializing, I’m beat. So when I hibernate in my room for a couple of hours, don’t try to talk or disturb me. Not unless you want your head to be bitten off.

3. Introverted women like men who don’t disregard their ideas as nonsense.

We may not talk much but our brains are always working, thinking, pondering and musing. On the rare occasion when we voice our deep thoughts, please don’t put them down and call them nonsense. That just makes us feel like we are nothing.

4. Introverted women don’t like superficial men.

Don’t be one of those guys who always gravitate towards the extroverted and flirtatious woman who has her cleavage hanging out. Nuh-uh. Those guys are not worth our time. We don’t like them. Period. We want men who think of us as mysterious and fascinating and always want to know what we’re thinking. Oops, was that a Twilight reference?

5. Introverted women love compliments.

We’d rather have no attention most of the time and happily be a wallflower but when it comes to love, we desperately want to be noticed and appreciated by you. Though this isn’t the case for all introverted women, as a group, we can be more susceptible to lower self-esteem, due to lack of acceptance of our personality type and the ideal female partner often being portrayed in popular media as sexy, bold and talkative. After all, if you think back to school, weren’t all the popular girls loud and brassy? As a result, we would like some validation and be shown that we are loved for who we are.

6. Introverted women like men who don’t pressure them to socialize.

Don’t be one of those men who force their girlfriend/wife to hang out with people when they don’t want to. You’ll just make her miserable. You’re essentially rejecting who she is. You shouldn’t be dating an introvert if you don’t understand what introversion is.

7. Introverted women like talking about deep and meaningful topics.

If you’re one of those guys who like casual chit-chat and not thinking too much about life and all that – do you know what I mean? Like one of those men who just live life for the hedonistic pleasure of it and evade any questions that go deeper than ‘what’s your favorite beer?’ If you’re one of them, give up. There is no way in hell a sane introverted woman would be attracted to you.

8. Introverted women like men who read.

Reading is one of the most solitary human activities. Thus, most introverted women read a lot. It would be nice if you read too, so we could be book buddies and have something so close to our heart in common with you.

Did I miss anything, fellow introverted women? And men, what did you think of this list? Did it relate to you introverted men as well? Do you men like introverted women? I’d love to hear from you.


46 thoughts on “What Introverted Women Are Attracted To

      • i am in love with an introvert women,
        I have helped her to make her career but i am a seamen and have to goto sea . now trying to settle down here ….
        i want to spend my life with her….
        she told me i am perfect and she trust me alot….
        I am trying hard for a job here at shore

      • Aw, that sounds good. I think you should keep trying, try to settle down so you can stay with her—that would be the best, I think, for her and you; your sacrifice would probably be viewed as a grand romantic gesture by her. x take care

  1. I like your post for the most part but I think your statement about introverted women having low self esteem is erroneous. If anything, most introverted women are extremely confident because they’re not attention whores. They dislike being center of attention which means they don’t need validation in order to feel good about themselves. Of course every woman (including introverts) love attention from a guy they’re interested in. I am a introverted woman and self esteem issues are not a problem in my world. The majority of my female friends are introverts and they are confident women as well.

    • Hi! I completely understand. I suppose the reason I wrote that low self esteem was an aspect of introversion is because introverted women, at least, as it has been in my experience, as an introverted woman and having many introverted female friends, generally, but not always, have lower confidence than their more extroverted counterparts. It may because introversion can limit the expression of one’s self in social circles or because it is not as widely accepted or well received by people in our extroverted societies. But, thank you for pointing this out, and I’ll make some alterations to make it clearer that I don’t mean all introverted women have low self esteem. 🙂

  2. I’ve been getting to know an introverted woman who doesn’t really acknowledge the compliments I give her (and I’m not trying to be manipulative, play games, or sound “smooth” at all). Not sure how to interpret it. Does she see the compliments as shallow?

    • Hello James 🙂 All introverted women are different. There are some general similarities, such as the things we gravitate towards to, but most of us are very different, so it’s sometimes better to view her not simply in terms of her introversion but who she is as a human being. Now, in answer to your question, I’ll just give you my own opinion on why she is so reticent, though not knowing all the details and being only one person, I can’t promise it’s the right answer.
      Shallowness might be playing a part. Introverts in general tend to be good at seeing through facades and insincere remarks, so if you do compliment her, be completely and utterly genuine, or she will be able to tell. If your compliments do come from the heart, and are still brushed off, it depends on how she rejects them. If she refutes the compliments, then she might be just a little insecure. I know I have a good deal of trouble accepting compliments because of that sometimes. If she is offended by the compliments, then perhaps there is something else going on between you, or you are repelling her in some way (once again, these are all generalizations, I don’t really know the situation). If she doesn’t acknowledge the compliments at all, as if they weren’t even spoken, then she either finds them to be of no importance, and therefore I would advise you to rethink the relationship a little, or is secretly embarrassed by the flattery and finds it easier just to brush over them than acknowledge them. Hope this helps and all the best 🙂 Ask me for some advice any time you like – I love counseling people on these things.

      • Thanks “Dreamerrambling”. The compliments are definitely genuine and she has warmed up to them since I posted my comment. She even told me I’m just not used to getting them even though she’s smart, funny, sweet, and beautiful! Her “obliviousness” (new word) actually makes her MORE attractive! It’s still VERY early in terms of growing as friends first but who knows…. 🙂

  3. I’ve been dating a girl on & off for 3 years & just figured out she is an introvert. The crazy thing is that she didn’t even know it. She asked for space so I’m giving it to her. I’m head over heels in Love with her & scared I’ve truly ruined the whole situation by pressuring her to talk(this was before I knew she was an introvert). We use to be able to talk to each other about everything but now she just wants to clam up & have her space. She has told me many times over the last two years she loves me but now she says she’s not sure she can fall in love!! Her words & actions say 1 thing but her body language say different!!! I’m just so confused & she is the girl I want to marry!!!!! (She was the first to say she could see us being married someday). Here’s an example of what’s going on. I asked her if she wanted to go with me to my nieces birthday day party & before I was finished asking she has replied “yes I will go!!” With a huge smile. Then I leaned in & gave her a soft kiss on the lips & she started blushing & with a smile from ear to ear & started giggling like a little school girl!!! (We both are 42 by the way). I’m just at wits end & I’m feel like I’m about to go crazy!!!!!! My nerves are on edge all the time!!! I DONT want to lose her. I just want us to go back to being like we were before!!!

  4. Hello dreamerrambling, I’ve been reading your post with respect to introverted girls/women. However, I find it extremely hard to understand exactly what’s actually going on in my crush’s mind. And her every response is more like a friend’s response. And I don’t want to get “friend zoned” by her, because she’s actually quite beautiful as a person and I wouldn’t want her to see me as a friend. P.S. I have never played mind games/manipulated her. I’ve always had a straightforward approach towards her. I could really use some advice in knowing her more personally.

    • Hm. Hi! Not all introverted women are the same. We’re all very, very different, just similarly reserved. I know that if any guy approaches me, I respond as a friend, and am very distant. I think the only way to break through the barrier is to talk to her and spend more time with her. Make yourself a constant presence in your life. That way, she’ll know you are earnest, and that’s pretty attractive. Also, paying her attention is good because introverted women are often ignored, being not so chatty and stuff. If, after a period of time (quite a long period, depending on the girl), she is still distant and a bit cold, I think it would be time to move on. Over time, you’ll feel it in your gut whether she likes you or not.

    • Sorry for replying so late to this. Somehow I missed so many comments on this post that I wrote a while ago. We are all in the library, in fact; that is a our preferred habitat, or the science lab, if we more logically inclined. Or in our rooms. Or at the back of the room, with our nose buried in a book. 🙂

    • Sorry for not replying to this sooner. For some reason, lots of the comments on this post have been overlooked by yours truly. Well, that truly depends on the woman, regardless of whether she is introverted or extroverted. Personally, I find the thought of multiple guys chasing me rather distasteful, as there is a superficial element to it; after all, how many of these boys actually know me, or are they trying to get close to me for other reasons? Perhaps extroverted girls, particularly those who are vain and attention-seeking, would find that kind of occurrence more exciting and enjoyable. But, personally, I think most introverted women would be uncomfortable with it.

  5. Yes yes yes. Yes to everything in this post. 😛 I like girls, actually, so I’d substitute “guys” for “girls,” but other than that… just yes. I wouldn’t mind one way or another if my future gf/wife is introverted or extroverted (or ambiverted), but either way it would be very important to me that she DIDN’T force me to be social. Like… I can be social, but it’s very much an on-my-own-time thing.

  6. Hi “dreamerrambling”. There is this introvert girl who is cute and genuine by her nature. I find her extremely humble and have some feelings for her. However she has this notion that love is not her thing. What would be the right way to approach this??

    • Hm. Well, I’m guessing she probably isn’t an INFP, because introverted girls like me are often quietly in love with love, so I’m guessing she is of the more practical and logical type? That’s a pretty hard situation to be in, as you don’t want to repel her by being too forward, while at the same time, you want to be more than friends, or at least show some measure of your affections. What I would do, if I were you, would be to befriend her first. Once she is truly comfortable with you, then let her decide, at that point, if she likes you in that way or not. Or, by then, with the increased familiarity, you should already be able to tell if your feelings are reciprocated. You could also try broaching the subject casually, saying something like, “Do you think you’ll ever fall in love?” That kind of question, of course, is only asked between people who know each other pretty well, so you must make her acquaintance properly before you say anything. Hope this helps. 🙂

  7. Yes. She is the logical and practical type. She doesn’t really talk from her side. But when I start a convo she obliges. I have to give in that extra effort into it to talk to her. She once complimented me by saying ” u r the guy I could be free with while talking..” But given that she said love is not her thing. I get confused about wat I need to do. I do not want to intrude into her personal space either. As of now we are good friends. But at times, I feel low about If my efforts will yield. And it gets tough at times,on my part to talk to her from my side all the time. I help her whenever I can. We do talk for sometime after college hours. Yet I am in a bit of a dilemma of how to understand her. Her priorities as she said to me are career and friends first. Thank you for advising me. I couldn’t get the INFP reference though. What do i do next?

  8. Hi. From my own experience as a (introverted) guy, I’d like to propose that the list does not apply to a significant part of the target group of women. For this significant part, they pick male FRIENDS by this list. But for love, I think many search for an extravert guy. They want to be the mysterious one in the duo. Above traits, typical of an introvert, don’t attract them at all. It frustrates me :p I attract mostly extravert girls but can’t stay interested in them, they’re way too open. But the same seems to be not valid for many girls that I could love like a crazy. Note: it’s not just that, I also need to build more self confidence, ANY girl likes that I guess 😉 Regards

  9. Addition: Thinking about it, I’m quite sure that for winning the heart of an introvert woman, goddamn you need a whole lot of self confidence. It’s what they admire most of all in a man. I’m not in too short supply of it, I’m proud of my personality (my achievements is a different story) but it seems to be not enough. No worries, I’m building it. 🙂 Aye

    • No, because, as an introverted woman, I have never dated before—but i would recommend online dating, so long as it’s safe, as we are very good at typing, and writing, and tend to communicate much better that way.

  10. Hi,
    The list is almost complete and I think there is no more detailed than it.
    Yet, I would like to ask you, please, to let us know the relationship between introversion and what Psychoanalytics call:
    The hatred of desire
    Some introverted girls just make it hard for a man even to meet them, especially in countries and cities where dating still can cause problems to a girl.

    • I don’t think introverted women have a hatred of desire. Instead, we’re just a little more selective, really. And cautious. Try to talk to her. The more you talk, usually the more she will open up to you.

  11. I have a certain situation that I’d like help with. I’m 15 and there is an introverted girl that I have had a huge crush on for about 6 months now. The problem is that I am a huge introvert…in public. Around my friends, I am decently loud. She has seen both the sociable side and the ultra introverted side of me.. I’m a rather observant person, and I see that her body language suggests that she is either neutral too me or slightly irritated. I have sent about 4 accidental messages on social media, 2 of which were actually intentional, and she used the word “lol” a lot, which commonly suggests a lack of desire for contact with a person. And, unfortunately, this crush has developed into a problem. I have caught myself not paying much attention to what is around me, be it in school, at home, in games, and even to my own thought. All that brain power going to “I hope she’s having a good day” or “I wonder what her favorite color is” or “what if I just said (statement) to her?” I have made classroom presentations before her, and the small circle of friends that she is a group of in that class. Whenever I am near their group, they give me the oddest of looks. I can only assume they know basic body language and might have caught me accidentally staring at her. I accidentally make a fool of myself during class presentations due to the pure fact that I have her attention. The only means I have of communicating to her are through the next week or two that I will be riding the school bus home, and Instagram messaging (which she responds to fairly instantly). If I don’t seek help before this consumes my life, I feel I will just tell her that I have a problem, and that Is a huge crush on her and that she can do what she wants with that information. Also, the only intentional forms of communication have been the “accidental” messages, the communication exercises that we conducted in German class, and the apology I sent to her for being loud on the bus while she was reading (which I still feel bad bout). Note: We no longer share the same classes, and I can only assume she is in the library in the mornings.

  12. I love a girl who is an introvert . I don’t know how to impress or propose her.
    all pray for me 🙂

  13. I think all of the things that you wrote is true. I love a man who love to read (books, articels or even comics).And I really loves the men who hear me when I tell my feelings to him.. :). This is such a good post! (y). Love it.. 😉

  14. i know it’s not everyone but introvert’s have a thing for bad boys. they secretly love guys to pay attention to them only so they can ignore them later…

  15. OMG! I found this website when I was researching INFP worst habit! I just read this post too and #2 really resonate with me! I love my cave time. I had roommates in college, and I was always bothered when we were in the same room. So I would go to the computer lab just to be left alone.

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