It Is Hard Being An INFP


It Is Hard Being An INFP

*Here is a book I wrote for INFPs.


It is hard being an INFP (Check out the Myer-Briggs Personality Test if these four letters mean as much to you as leaves at the bottom of a teacup).

I mean REALLY hard.

Every day I feel like I am actually an alien masquerading as a human.

INFPs should live and be nurtured in a magical, ethereal land (see above image) where dreamers are appreciated, not trapped in the bell jar of reality. It may be fine for other people but it suffocates our souls.

Gah. It’s so hard to explain the torment. It’s like you’re on an entirely different wavelength from everyone else around you. And I don’t mean INFPs on are on a more intellectually or morally superior level. No, we’re just different from the norm. A little unconventional. And we know how much society hates that, don’t we?

When other people chase after money, INFPs look for passion, fulfillment and meaning. No, seriously. If money wasn’t needed for basic necessities such as food, we couldn’t give a damn about it. I can’t understand this consumer driven society. It’s just stuff. It’s just money. Just why is it so important to people? Mentioning this in public is not the best idea. I get sneered at for being unrealistic. And the conflict between passion and money is a never-ending war inside of me… Things like fame and money entice people enough to make them chase after them all their lives…and then on their deathbed they realize their hands and hearts are empty.

I’m also so sensitive I’m unsuitable for existence. One wrong word cuts me to the bone and I will mull over it miserably for days on end. I hate conflict so much that after going through one I feel like I’ve run a marathon. I just hurt so easily, there’s no emotional skin. I blush, I blunder, I make a fool out of myself and I can feeling the judging stares burn into my skin.

I care so much it hurts. I care so much I use up energy involuntarily. I try not to think about people or animals who are suffering not because I’m heartless but because it makes my chest tighten with agonizing empathy.

Whenever I talk to people, it’s like there is always this barrier. Always. Everyone else seem so carefree, like they belong, the words flowing out of their mouths with ease but me…I have to fake my way through it. No one around me wants to talk about the things I want to: death, existence, love, humanity, how insignificant Earth is, how the universe is so large it’s frightening, why we are here on this earth anyway and whether it all means anything. It’s too ‘morbid’ for light conversation and people just prevaricate my philosophical questions to go talk about the latest movies or whatever.

I can read people relatively well. I can tell which people are genuine and goodhearted, which are artificial and selfish. I can see through people’s masks. But no one else seems to see it. I knew this girl who was so artificial and arrogant when I was in school. But everyone loved her and thought her to be brilliant. No one saw through the façade. I felt like such an outsider, like I was seeing a ghost no one else saw.

I’m not an efficient person. My table is a mess. I never remember to wash dishes. I forget things. I’m always at the butt end of jokes because of this, that ‘scatter-brained’ person who is eccentric and can’t do anything properly.

When it’s one of those days where I’m engulfed with the meaninglessness of existence and slightly gloomy, I’m labeled as being depressed and pessimistic. I’m told to see the ‘silver lining’ and to be happy and jolly and optimistic and all smiles and gapped teeth. As if you’re defective if you aren’t happy-go-lucky most of the time.

I just have all these ideals and dreams and they’re like fragile glass windows through which I see the world. And life shatters them and I become jaded and cynical.

I think about existence and life and other deep topics which are not socially acceptable to voice and the burden of all this pondering weighs upon me every day.

Books and writing and creativity are my life blood. They pump me with feeling and energy to live another day in the real world.

I don’t know where I’m going with this post. I just can’t seem to put into words this feeling of being isolated and different, like no one understands. I’ve been to psychologists who have been nice enough but once I voice my concerns about death or something and they smile at me with only their mouths, I know I’m talking to the wrong person.

I don’t know. It’s just hard. I don’t know what else to say. People don’t know what it’s like sometimes unless they’re in an INFP’s shoes. It’s like the world is full of robust butterflies and among them are these tiny little white moths who are the INFPs and they are batted and bruised and pushed this way and that by the butterflies and the wind and life forever and ever.

I don’t know what else to say. So I think I’ll just stop now. This is probably a horribly boring and aimless post. I’m sorry.


303 thoughts on “It Is Hard Being An INFP

  1. I feel like i am not a real person on a daily basis. Your post expressed exactly how i feel. It is nice to know that i am not alone in my feelings. I will be following your page for sure!!!!

  2. put my own feelings into such beautiful words.
    I don’t know what to say,but thank you for your articulation.

  3. That’s what exxaaaactlyyy I feel…..thank u sooo much….am glad people like me exist and I am not an alien..😉✌

  4. Just yes. I don’t necessarily want to say thank you because I deeply know how “un-fun” this feels but I’m grateful and this post was definitelyyy not boring. It’s just so hard because I believe we all have a purpose and meaning for being alive, so then why we do we struggle so much inside? Why is this (“normal” life honestly) so hard so much of the time? At least, even in our aloneness, based on the comments, we’re not alone and that’s a good thing.

  5. Being an INFP, I feel this. This is literally the perfect description of our everyday battle. Never feeling like we belong anywhere. The moth and butterfly metaphor was so perfect. You are not alone. We create. And we are damn good at it. Thank you.

  6. Beautifully and accurately articulated!

    Sometimes the silver linings look dull grey. Thanks so much for sharing. It is helping me to explain myself to friends who don’t quite understand.

    INFP from Barbados.

  7. Ohhh sweetheart, thank u T.T reading this it’s such a relieve, certainly life is not easy for us and even more with such a fragile and sensitive heart, but in the best ways! I love being who I am no matter what, and I’m sure all infps with ups and down love what are inside as well ♥ keep it up!! You’re amazing, God bless lots!!

  8. I know this is three years old…but oh my gosh, I FEEL ALL OF THIS…and I always feel SO ALONE…this was immensely comforting to read! Thank you!

  9. Exactly how i feel, it is always hard for me to enjoy with a big bunch of friends when going out for a movie or some other activities. I just prefer to spend my leisure times with maybe 1 or 2 friends whom I really feel my heart is connected to theirs. I need friends who I can really talk to, not play with.

    • I’m exactly the same. Unfortunately, over the years, it has become harder and harder to find close friends like that. Luckily, I still have books, and my blog, and the world of the internet, so I’m not completely lonely at times. Take care. Oh, and I’m publishing a book on my blog today that I wrote, so you ca check it out if you want. ❤

  10. Wonderfully, WONDERFULLY said. Sending this to my husband now. I feel as if I wrote every word, but I couldn’t​ have because, well, I can’t put my thoughts and experiences into words. But you have! So thank you, thank you for a beautiful, accurate article. Be free, my fellow moth friend. Keep chasing the rainbow bridge to the world where we belong

  11. Its not a horrible and boring post. I love it. Because its whatever im feeling. But you’re much more than a “dull depressing” thing. I have learnt to love mostly everything about myself even the melancholic parts. Its what make us soulful and introspective. You just have to find like minded souls and you wont be lost and lonely. You’re you and thats simply great. Even if we may feel like aliens, the world needs ppl like us.. the ones who dream and feel deeply..

    • Yes. The world does. Though I was completely ignored by publishers, I’ll still be posting a book I wrote myself today after replying to comments because I believe the world does need a little of my imaginative weirdness.

  12. I loved this post. For me its like a mixed feeling thing. For one side I love experiencing the world so different from normal people and im really glad that I experience it this way, but on the other hand theres these days where I just pray for my head to stop thinking and dreaming about stuff. Thanks for this post and making me realize im not the only one

    • You’re welcome. ❤ And I'm not sure if this will help, but I'll be posting a book on my blog written by myself after replying to comments, so you could have a read of that and maybe feel less alone while basking in some imaginative weirdness.

  13. OH MY GOD. Sorry, this is the first time I felt so connected with someone ehehe and TOTALLY (REALLY, REALLY ETC.) feel elated right now. :p I’m kinda new to the MBTI, I’ve been wondering if I was an INFP as they seem very empathetic, caring, observant and perceptive and I don’t even think I’m all of those things at all… Do many INFPs think the same way as how you described in the post?

    AND IN NO WAY THIS POST IS BORING. There was so much insight and I feel like it’s interesting to see other people’s experiences. 🙂 But yeah, do you also feel misunderstood? And feeling like we’re another person by hiding our thoughts and personalities?

    BTW, THIS POST IS AWESOME AND I’M TOTALLY GOING TO READ A TON OF YOUR OTHER POSTS AT ONCE IF THAT’S OKAY WITH YOU. 😛 How are you right now? Are the hardships becoming easier? :p

    Sorry, I think I may have asked way too many questions…

    • Thank you for your kind and beautiful words an your concern. I’m doing well at the moment, and I’m going to post on my blog a book I finished writing recently, so if you want to experience a little bit of INFP quirkiness in fictional writing, be sure to check it out. 🙂

      • I recently came back to visit your blog and yes, ok, you’re doing good. GREATTT. 😛 Also, I just read your book on the latest blog post. I totally loved it. I really liked how the character’s feelings were portrayed and the fantasy world. OH AND THE WHOLE CHALLENGE ITSELF. I also really liked the ending as she’s finally going to be able to free her family and other people who are shackled and crushed. I wish I could do something about my purpose too haha… but social anxiety is holding me back a little bit…I think I’m going to save your book. :p YOUR BOOK IS AWESOMEEE.

        I really really hope you’ll continue to feel well in the days that come by. I feel like you deserve a lot more and all of the world’s love. 🙂

      • Thank you!!! You are such a beautiful person—thank you for taking the time to read my book, and for your lovely, beautiful words. I honestly will treasure your presence in this world, as I do so many friends I’ve met through this blog, for as long as I live, even if we will never meet in real-life. It means so much to me that you liked my book, as writing is something that is so close to my heart, and for someone to enjoy something I created brings me such great joy. I do believe a beautiful soul like you deserves all the love in the world as well. I’m so sorry that social anxiety is still holding you back a bit—I know exactly how you feel, as I have been through the same thing in the past, and the best advice I can give you, as a survivor of anxiety, is to just relax, not really think about it, and talk to other people. It’s much easier than it sounds. I used to have crippling social anxiety, to the point where I had a panic attack when my crush talked to me (one of the worst moments of my life) and would find it difficult to leave the house. It will pass, I promise. If someone who was ”disabled” as I was can now talk easily and calmly with any random stranger on the street (though I am lucky, Australians are some of the friendliest people on this planet—hopefully you live in a warm, friendly country as well), then you can overcome any residues of social anxiety you still possess. Just don’t think about it, and do it. Eventually you’ll wonder why you got so anxious about such a silly thing.

      • Oh heyyy thanks for the advice! I’ll definitely try and follow it. I do think that my social anxiety has been getting better since the start of it in junior high some years ago. Maybe or maybe not, hehe. And no, you are definitely not “disabled” in any way. :p I feel like you’re a great person who thinks about life’s complex problems hehe. Also, you’re a person who lived and survived through manyyyyy hardships such as social anxiety. SO VERY ADMIRABLE. *applauds* I also read your latest post and I think I’m am going to post the continuation of this comment on the comment for that post haha.

  14. I feel exactly like you do. Like I’m not made for this world. I’d like to live in a tree, in the middle of my own little forest, and find someone who will understand me, and I won’t have to say a word.

  15. I relate so well to what you shared. Although of great comfort, it also makes me feel that much more alone, which I am sure you understand.

    I wish there were a local group for INFPs in my area. I only just recently realized that this was my personality type. And, I only in recent years identified as an introvert — perhaps more of an introverted ambivert.

    I struggled with profound social anxiety for years, and along with it panic disorder and, at its worst, agoraphobia.

    I have always attracted very narcissistic men of varying degrees and grew up in a very invalidating household with a bullying elder sister whom is quite narcissistic.

    I have overcome a lot, but only because of my determination and personal faith. I have never felt very supported nor understood within my family, and when I have had friends, never felt fully understood nor accepted.

    I am no longer agoraphobic nor do I suffer any longer with panic disorder, but I have been quite affected from the psychological abuse from the romantic relationships that I previously mentioned, in addition to the affects of my relationship with my elder sister.

    Because of my struggles with having a sensitive and introverted personality in an extroverted world, I feel like an outsider and a black sheep.

    I would just like to have a couple of good, trustworthy friends and a beautiful partner to share my love and life with.

    I am a very enpathetic, compassionate, giving, and loving woman.

    It makes me terribly sad to know that this makes our type a minority and seemingly less valued.

    What a broken world. 😦

    • No matter what, we will survive. I understand exactly how you are feeling, as I don’t have a partner or a group of a friends, and yearn desperately for that. I’m going t post a book I wrote on my blog soon, so perhaps a little of its INFP quirkiness will help you feel even more less alone. Lots of love, Anne ❤

  16. You’re not alone. I feel you too. People always thought that I’m weird and overly sensitive. I cried too much till it annoys people. i just feel too much. Care too much? that’s why my friends told me.

  17. Thank you for this post. This is so recognizable that it’s scary … happy to read that many INFPs experience this the same. I just want to hug you all. Wishing you all the best! x x Judith

  18. *leaves you millions of hugs*
    Now I’m not alone 🙂
    I wish there were more people like us, this world would’ve been something beautiful. Even though it’s unreal.
    Anyways, Amazing and awesome post! I’ll be happy to follow your page :D. Maybe we could talk sometime too.

    Have a great day 🙂

    • Thank you so much. 🙂 *gives a millon hugs in return* I’d be happy to have a chat—-just comment whenever you want! Or you can email me at (though I wouldn’t recommend this, as i am notoriously bad at checking emails). Have a great evening! (Or morning, or afternoon, depending on where you live).

  19. Every word in your post is so true. It’s what I am experiencing daily. Thank you very much for the post. Now I know I am not alone.

    • You’re very welcome, and I am so glad you feel less alone. Please take care, and know that there are always others in the world with you, experiencing the same struggles as yourself. ❤

  20. i feel the same way. you’re not alone.
    but i have a friend who is also the same, so i felt understood and free to be me.
    there are people out there who’ll understand you, just keep on being the quirky, honest, funny, weird, kind person you are. God loves us.

  21. Thanka for writing about this. It resonates. I thought you might be interested to hear about something that helped me a lot: Co-Active Coach training. It helps me consciously take a stance that acknowledges and even uses my sensitivity, but without becoming drained! You can find these classes all over the world… even just taking Fundamentals (the first weekend workshop) should be helpful, imo.
    Be well!

  22. Thank you for your thoughts. I have never read anything written by someone I can relate to more. It makes me feel a little more normal, knowing it’s just my personality type, and others experience similar things.

    • You’re very welcome. 🙂 I’m so glad that you could relate to my words, and I wish you all the best in life. You’re perfectly normal—-we’re all a little different, INFPs in particular.

  23. I’ve felt that way my whole life. Thanks for posting this! It’s such a relief to know that I am not the only weirdo out there!😁

  24. I relate to this on a fundamental level. Thanks for articulating that so well! I recently learned that I am INFP. It’s good to know that we’re not alone.

  25. Hi! I don’t know you and you don’t know me, but in reading this I feel like another soul like mine reached out across the void. I woke up feeling so lonely, a typical INFP conundrum, but reading your words gave me energy to face the day just being me. I hate putting on the facade that society expects of us: eternally happy, materialistic, etc. I’m still learning that it’s ok to be sensitive, to spend time deep in thought. And it makes me feel lonely when I’m the only one around me like that. Thank you again for your words. I wish you all the best.

    • Thank you very much. Your words touch me. Don’t feel alone. Not only are there thousands of other people around the world like me who are similar to you, you will also always have God, who loves you and watches over you. Take care. ❤

  26. Wow, yes. This is the inexplicable torment of feeling so deeply…I identify with this, the frustration, the rawness, the agony. It does help to know there are other people who feel it!

  27. thank you so much for this post! I was feeling really bad because it seems like none of my friends really gets me completely and I was wondering if anywhere someone felt the same way as I do…founding this post and all the comments from INFPs all over the world gave me strenght. Life as an INFP can be pretty hard but I’m sure all of us, one way or another, will figure this out! 🙂

    -Italian INFP teenager

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