It Is Hard Being An INFP

 

It Is Hard Being An INFP

*Here is a book I wrote for INFPs.

Okay.

It is hard being an INFP (Check out the Myer-Briggs Personality Test if these four letters mean as much to you as leaves at the bottom of a teacup).

I mean REALLY hard.

Every day I feel like I am actually an alien masquerading as a human.

INFPs should live and be nurtured in a magical, ethereal land (see above image) where dreamers are appreciated, not trapped in the bell jar of reality. It may be fine for other people but it suffocates our souls.

Gah. It’s so hard to explain the torment. It’s like you’re on an entirely different wavelength from everyone else around you. And I don’t mean INFPs on are on a more intellectually or morally superior level. No, we’re just different from the norm. A little unconventional. And we know how much society hates that, don’t we?

When other people chase after money, INFPs look for passion, fulfillment and meaning. No, seriously. If money wasn’t needed for basic necessities such as food, we couldn’t give a damn about it. I can’t understand this consumer driven society. It’s just stuff. It’s just money. Just why is it so important to people? Mentioning this in public is not the best idea. I get sneered at for being unrealistic. And the conflict between passion and money is a never-ending war inside of me… Things like fame and money entice people enough to make them chase after them all their lives…and then on their deathbed they realize their hands and hearts are empty.

I’m also so sensitive I’m unsuitable for existence. One wrong word cuts me to the bone and I will mull over it miserably for days on end. I hate conflict so much that after going through one I feel like I’ve run a marathon. I just hurt so easily, there’s no emotional skin. I blush, I blunder, I make a fool out of myself and I can feeling the judging stares burn into my skin.

I care so much it hurts. I care so much I use up energy involuntarily. I try not to think about people or animals who are suffering not because I’m heartless but because it makes my chest tighten with agonizing empathy.

Whenever I talk to people, it’s like there is always this barrier. Always. Everyone else seem so carefree, like they belong, the words flowing out of their mouths with ease but me…I have to fake my way through it. No one around me wants to talk about the things I want to: death, existence, love, humanity, how insignificant Earth is, how the universe is so large it’s frightening, why we are here on this earth anyway and whether it all means anything. It’s too ‘morbid’ for light conversation and people just prevaricate my philosophical questions to go talk about the latest movies or whatever.

I can read people relatively well. I can tell which people are genuine and goodhearted, which are artificial and selfish. I can see through people’s masks. But no one else seems to see it. I knew this girl who was so artificial and arrogant when I was in school. But everyone loved her and thought her to be brilliant. No one saw through the faΓ§ade. I felt like such an outsider, like I was seeing a ghost no one else saw.

I’m not an efficient person. My table is a mess. I never remember to wash dishes. I forget things. I’m always at the butt end of jokes because of this, that ‘scatter-brained’ person who is eccentric and can’t do anything properly.

When it’s one of those days where I’m engulfed with the meaninglessness of existence and slightly gloomy, I’m labeled as being depressed and pessimistic. I’m told to see the ‘silver lining’ and to be happy and jolly and optimistic and all smiles and gapped teeth. As if you’re defective if you aren’t happy-go-lucky most of the time.

I just have all these ideals and dreams and they’re like fragile glass windows through which I see the world. And life shatters them and I become jaded and cynical.

I think about existence and life and other deep topics which are not socially acceptable to voice and the burden of all this pondering weighs upon me every day.

Books and writing and creativity are my life blood. They pump me with feeling and energy to live another day in the real world.

I don’t know where I’m going with this post. I just can’t seem to put into words this feeling of being isolated and different, like no one understands. I’ve been to psychologists who have been nice enough but once I voice my concerns about death or something and they smile at me with only their mouths, I know I’m talking to the wrong person.

I don’t know. It’s just hard. I don’t know what else to say. People don’t know what it’s like sometimes unless they’re in an INFP’s shoes. It’s like the world is full of robust butterflies and among them are these tiny little white moths who are the INFPs and they are batted and bruised and pushed this way and that by the butterflies and the wind and life forever and ever.

I don’t know what else to say. So I think I’ll just stop now. This is probably a horribly boring and aimless post. I’m sorry.

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303 thoughts on “It Is Hard Being An INFP

  1. I think this post is a great overview of an INFP. Although, I’m not these best at reading people. I always give them the benefit of the doubt which ends up with not great results for me.

    • Thank you Anita. I was afraid the post rambled on too much because I wrote it in the passion of the moment and just let the words spill out without too much consideration, so I’m glad someone liked at least πŸ™‚

      • You explained my existence. Thank you, it makes me happy to know someone else out there is like me. I still wish I knew my true purpose though…

  2. Your post may have a rambled a bit but you definitely articulated many of the feelings I have. I have always felt like an outsider and had a really hard time blending in with society. It is nice to learn that there are other people like me and I’m not some freak. I just got out of a 3 year relationship with a man that is an extreme extrovert. I feel like the whole thing drained me because I always had to be fake whenever he wanted to go out as a couple. In the end I couldn’t be exciting enough for him and he started treating me like I was a total weirdo because I didn’t see the point in being around other people 24/7 and going to bars night after night so I could sit and listen to a bunch of loud obnoxious people talk about a bunch of crap that makes no difference in the world. We have very tough shoes to fill.

    • I know exactly what you mean. I felt such an enormous relief when I discovered other INFPs on the Internet who were also viewed as ‘misfits’ or ‘weirdos’ by society. That extrovert didn’t seem like a very considerate person – if he’s dating an introvert, he should know better than to force him/her into social situations they don’t want to be in. But I suppose he only saw your extroverted mask? I can imagine myself getting into a relationship like that. I’m attracted to extroverts half the time, perhaps because they hold desirable traits such as confidence and assertiveness which I lack. And I hate mindless chit-chat as well. I only like deep and meaningful conversations. But because of that I get labeled as being antisocial. There is something very wrong about society these days, whole groups of people are marginalised based on their innate personality, and something needs to be done about it. I just don’t know how or what. Thanks for commenting πŸ™‚

      • This is so true. I feel the same way. I was called out for being “shy”, but I’m not all that shy, I’m just quiet, and observant,

      • Quiet and observant. Pensive. Introspective. Anything but that derogatory word “shy”, as if we’re these tiny little feeble moles too afraid to peep out of our burrows.

  3. Anne, do you have your “people”? People who completely understand how weird you feel and make you feel less weird because they’re as weird as you are? You know what I mean? Do you have at least one person you spend face time with who gets you? I feel as weird as you do (I’m an INFJ though) and spending time with my “person” makes living in this culture a lot easier. And during the short time we spend together, it feels like everyone else is weird. Your “boring and aimless post” made perfect sense to me.

    • Hm. I do and I sort of don’t. I have this one friend who is a complete idealist like I am and we get along together wonderfully. She understands my idealism towards love and life. But it kind of stops there. She is an ENFJ, I think? She’s extremely extroverted and not at all sensitive. When it comes to the heavier stuff, like my thoughts about existence or social anxiety, she cares greatly but acts more like a therapist who tries to ‘fix’ me when I talk to her about these topics rather than understand. I’m sure there are other INFJs and INFPs around but they all either seem to be in hiding behind extrovert masks or I haven’t been in contact with them before.

  4. As an INFJ, I have always had all the very same concerns and frustrations. This world was really not made for us. But at least we’re not alone! We’ve just been sprinkled here and there across the world…

    Thankfully we have the internet now.

    • Yeah, there is some comfort in that. Maybe we should just all bunch together and create a haven for ourselves πŸ˜‰ That’s the perfect way to describe it…sprinkled all of over the globe. And the Internet is the one connecting the dots.

  5. I’d like to find out what dots are close by my neck of the woods. I think it’s great to hear INFP’s like myself describe their feelings and attitudes toward everyday life, however I so wish that I had someone in my life physically near by that I could talk on the same wave length. To an extent, there are people, but no one that describes feelings so closely mimicking the ones I’m hearing here and so closely resembling of my own. I can relate very closely to the INFP rant above. I just wish I could meet someone who is in the same place as I am right now. Although, hearing a lot of you speak makes me feel like we are all sort of in the same place, just different versions. We all want to be on our way to something better, something more meaningful and more fulfilling. I feel the same way every day and I do crave social interaction, but its the type where I deeply connect with another individual and learn how they think and feel. I don’t care to know where they are going on vacation in the summer or how they spent the past weekend. I want to know the meaningful things about their lives. I’m slowly dying inside from the life I live right now but I feel trapped because if I abandon the life I have then I’ll hurt people and they will resent me. I am so afraid of the reaction to leaving that I’m still in the same spot. I am trying to develop a plan to leave on good terms. I want to have a support group that just really knows how I feel and understands why I feel like my soul is being ripped out of me every day. It sounds so dramatic to the general public, I imagine, but it’s how I feel. I want to pour my heart into something I care about rather than spend countlessss hours on something that drains me empty and unfulfilled. Does anyone feel the same way? I would say that I work 9-5 and then have time for my own personal hobbies, but that’s not the case. I work all day and all the time and there is no time to disconnect and follow my passions. It’s like, why am I living right now? It sounds so grim, but that’s how I feel at the end of the day. I just hope that I’m working towards a day in the future where I have time to explore my passions and be myself without the stress.

    • Hi Brittany πŸ™‚ I’m glad you liked my little ramble and I’m so glad you reached out. It really does make me feel less alone. I agree with everything you said above and the situation you are in does sound rather bleak. I wish I had some advice but all I can say is if you’re soul is dying in some 9-5 job, you need to work towards getting out of that and finding something else which you are passionate about. Do you need the job due to financial reasons? If that is so, I suppose us INFPs just have to grit our teeth and bear the reality.
      I wish I could have someone I could talk to on a deep level as well, to reveal my inner thoughts and pour out the sentiments of my soul. I’ve never met someone like that in real life and it’s one of the reasons I crave affection so much yet reject it when it’s not the right person. I guess all we can do is commiserate over the internet knowing that somewhere out there, maybe across the globe, are people who understand and know exactly how we are feeling. Passion is key for an INFP. Never let it go, it will be your savior. I wish this reply was more eloquent but I can’t express my sympathy through the screen. All I can say is I know exactly how you feel. Exactly. I swear, an INFP support group should be established. *hugs*

  6. Sorry, I guess I’m a bit late to this party. But anyway…
    Ugh. I feel you so hard. I’m an INFP and it’s just a constant struggle to find some balance between my inner, idealist world and “the real world.” I don’t know if I can exist in this society without compromising my values. And as you probably understand, compromising my values feels like fundamentally betraying myself. I would have to radically change who I am, I don’t want to do that, and I don’t think I can! But if I don’t, this society will destroy me. I’ll go mad or snap or something. I can already feel it, and I’m not even out of high school. I can’t bear the thought of becoming smashed down and knocked over by this system. I can already feel it happening! I dream of living in a commune in the woods somewhere. Preferably a sort of commune-school. Save some children from this insane educational system.
    Maybe I’m unrealistic. Whatever. I hear that from people all the time, but I find it difficult to really listen to advice from those who aren’t living this sort of life. Maybe they can focus on specific things, maybe they can stand small talk and stupid social formalities….maybe they can distract themselves with television and gadgets. But I can’t. So in my personal opinion, conforming to a conventional lifestyle is unrealistic.

    I don’t know what to do! Meh. Sometimes it might be nice to be an ENTJ or something. But then again, eh.

    • I feel you as well. Every single thing you wrote. Honestly. I can’t conform to a conventional lifestyle either without giving up my soul or something worse. And I’m not fond of reality, either. Ugh. I know exactly where you are coming from. And I sometimes think how much nicer it would be an ENTJ or some other extroverted personality type who meets reality head on but at the same time, I like being me, the creative, imaginative, idealistic, aspiring-writer me. I know this sounds horribly clichΓ©, but I think we all need to love ourselves. And it’s so hard! It’s so much easier to hate yourself, sometimes.
      I don’t think the issue between idealism and reality will ever be resolved. Unless we became millionaires and therefore could leave the rat race altogether and hole ourselves up in the English countryside somewhere in a remote cottage with an enormous library and write everyday ( I often fantasize about this thought, when life gets a bit too much), we just have to deal with the daily drudgery and cold, hard reality. But know this – no matter what happens, you can choose whether you allow reality to affect you. Okay, maybe I didn’t word that right. What I mean is, you can live inside your head and entertain yourselves any time during the day. It’s like a mini, portable escape right between your ears. For me, that helps. My brain is a haven. My imagination is a haven. Here’s a poem that made me smile and cry with joy when I read it. I think it will help you as well.

      To Imagination (1846) by Emily Bronte (I’ve read some of her books, she seems very INFP-ish to me!)

      When weary with the long day’s care,
      And earthly change from pain to pain,
      And lost and ready to despair,
      Thy kind voice calls me back again:
      Oh, my true friend! I am not lone,
      While thou canst speak with such a tone!
      So hopeless is the world without;
      The world within I doubly prize;
      Thy world, where guile, and hate, and doubt,
      And cold suspicion never rise;
      Where thou, and I, and Liberty,
      Have undisputed sovereignty.
      What matters it, that, all around,
      Danger, and guilt, and darkness lie,
      If but within our bosom’s bound
      We hold a bright, untroubled sky,
      Warm with ten thousand mingled rays
      Of suns that know no winter days?

  7. This was really fantastic. Thank you for writing all that down. I found myself nodding through the whole thing. It really frustrates me at times that no one gets how odd I feel. It frustrates me to the point that I feel like I’m going to internally combust if one more person gives me a blank stare.

    I have two INFJ friends who get the weirdness, and I don’t know what I would do without them. They are weird misfits too, just in a different way.

    Agh, just thanks again. Look for your people. They are out there.

    • Thank you too, for your kind words. It gives me a deep sense of happiness (ugh, bland word, but it’s the best I can come up with right now) knowing that I have helped people, whether it is through validation or commiseration. I don’t think there is anything wrong with commiseration – it brings comfort and strength to the participants.
      Yes. Weird is my middle name. Though I try to effect a façade of normalcy in order to survive in this dreaded society. Sometimes, I feel tired from just existing.
      I’ve met a few INFJs, but they didn’t seem to understand. Or their faΓ§ade was still too strong to allow any true sentiments to be exchanged. I’m glad you found some people who understand!
      I would love an INFP friend in real life, or anyone who shares some of my traits and idiosyncrasies. I’m so glad that people like you have stumble across my blog and reached out. I’m glad that it made you feel less alone and it makes me feel less alone too.
      Combustion. Perfect metaphor. Like you’re on an entirely different wavelength.
      It’s tiring. Lucky we have books, movies and of course, our own thoughts, to escape from the horridness of day to day existence among people and in society. Actually, horrid isn’t the right word. It isn’t horrid. It just makes me so tired, right down to my bones. We really have to start creating a haven somewhere for people like us…an entire mini society of our own on some remote island…

  8. I’m an ISFJ dating a beautiful INFP, and to be perfectly honest, the both of us were offended by this article. The two of us came across the wonders of MBTI little over a year ago, and it was comforting for the both of us that there were so many people out there who functioned just like us, albeit it slightly different and unique ways. As an ISFJ, I am bothered by the presumption in this article that life is infinitely harder for INFP’s, making it sound as though other types do not experience these problems. I too have been bothered when people do not look beyond the surface level of a person’s behaviour. I have felt depressed when it feels like there is a barrior between myself and others. I am incredibly sensitive, and have to hide it to protect myself from further scrutiny. I am often overwhelmed by just how big this universe is, feeling small and insignificant in comparison, as if nothing i ever do will matter in the great scheme of things. Sometimes, i feel so distant from the people around me, like i am merely some kind of observer watching their behaviour. I relate to a lot of your feelings, and I can guarantee you that there’d be ESTJ’s or ENTJ’s or INTP’s, any other type, that can as well. These feelings are not limited to INFP’s; they’re limited to humans. What differs is how we process them and deal with them individually, and i deal with all this much differently to another ISFJ. I am sorry to make this comment, i am not usually one to comment on posts that bother me, but i beg of you; release yourself from the burdens of self pity, remove yourself from simply being four letters, and engage with what’s around you. You are not alone, as much as i know it can feel like that sometimes, but there are countless other lonely INFPs, ISFJs, ENFJ’s and many other types coming in a wide variety of wonderful personalities, that can not only relate, but help you deal with your problems. No, I don’t think life is harder being an INFP; i think life is hard being human.

    Thank you for your time.

    • Oh dear. I really, truly did not write this post to offend. I do apologise. Okay. Let’s see if I can get this out right. I don’t want to write anything else that might offend you again. I’m probably won’t come off as eloquent as need be to counteract and agree with some of your points.
      Okay. First off, I certainly agree with many of your points. Some of these thoughts and experiences are part of being human. And I completely agree that other types deal with these problems too! I just wrote this post purely from the soul, from the point of an INFP, just detailing my experiences. In no way, through writing this, did I have the intention to not validate such experiences in other personalities. I really didn’t. For instance, many INFJs have reached out to me and told me that they have felt many of the things I wrote about above. It’s NOT limited to INFPs. I similar wrote INFPs because the post is from my perspective, as an INFP, and because a higher proportion of INFPs may experience the above sentiments. And I feel awful for offending you and your partner in anyway. I know us INFPs can be a little self-absorbed at times, it comes with the territory of living inside our heads most of the time, and we may get all dramatic as I did in the above post, lamenting the terribleness of our existence. But I didn’t write it to not validate the suffering of other personality types. I honestly believe that there are less, for example, ENTJs, who would suffer from the things I have written above. I honestly believe that, because I have ENTJs in my life. Not none. But less. This is just my perspective, as an INFP. I realize some of the things apply to humanity in general. Maybe some of the more feeling, introverted types just have a tendency to dwell on it a little more and feel such experiences more keenly.
      Please, understand that I wasn’t trying to wallow in self-pity in this post, though I do believe commiseration can be very comforting. I was simply ejecting my frustrations from my soul at the time. I do believe these frustrations are valid, as shown by some of the previous comments. I’m not trying to define myself by four letters. Not all INFPs are the same. Some might not have experienced the things I have written above. But the thing is, many have. I’m simply giving my perspective, through the merely the lens of those four letters, and letting it all bubble out.
      Your suffering is valid. I’m sure you are a wonderful, amazing, sensitive, insightful individual. I’m overjoyed you could relate. Please, if it helps, completely ignore the INFP part in the post. Many times, aspects or experiences can overlap between personality types. I hope you understand, and I’m sorry if I made you upset in any way. I wrote this blog to pour out my feelings and help others, so I feel terrible for offending you.

      • I have 2 very close ISFJ friends, I love them to bits but most of their reactions to most of my expressions of how I think or feel are completely, how does one say it… out of proportion. I often feel like they invalidate what I express (for example, saying I should be grateful instead of feeling bad because other people have it worse. Well, that doesn’t mean I cannot feel how I feel! I hate being made to feel guilty because I shouldn’t feel guilty that I automatically feel feelings!) Those 2 friends, I care deeply about, we argue, misunderstand each other, but at the end of the day, we always have each other. I don’t know why or how, but they’re genuine caring people (like how I am). I just wish they would let me be me, embrace my wholeness (but maybe that’s too much to ask for especially when they think they understand me, when in fact they’re way off)

      • Oh my god, I’m 4 years late to respond. I admittedly never checked back for a response and just moved on with life. Quick update though: took a professional test and came out as an ENTP (funny, because ENTP’s kind of envy the ISFJ type, so it makes sense that I’d come out as one in an online test. Not to mention that my mother is an ISFJ and I’ve always looked up to her) and I feel a lot more comfortable under this label, so to say. Not sure what the internet folk make of ENTP’s, but hey, guess I’ll find out if there are snarky replies to this comment from others. I have also since broken up with the INFP partner, who was the one to find this post (being an INFP herself, she was likely looking for similar minded people). Whilst it’s been years, I felt compelled to reply to your post if only because you took the time to reply to mine, and I appreciate that. Would have been easy to ignore someone providing criticism, or to be nasty in response, but you instead were civil and respectful: I respect that. One other reply to my comment, however, was a little less than pleasant and was disheartening in that they made no real effort to accentuate a point, but made it a personal attack instead. Hence, all the more respect for your beautifully written response. You have a way with words, and I hope that in the time since you replied this skill has been honed further.

        I have nothing new to contribute to the actual topic at hand, honestly. You clarified your point well, and you said it best when you said you were simply expressing your point through the lens of being an INFP. I respect that you were so open to discussion. Thanks for that. I should say though; you mentioned at one point that when you attempted to discuss your existential concerns with a psychologist and that they were less than understanding. I’m sorry to hear that. Sadly not all psychologists are made equal. It’s disheartening that someone who is trained to display empathy was unable to do so, but I hope it has not stopped you from reaching out to people about these topics. Today, actually, I was talking to an INFJ friend who was talking about how existential crises are a daily occurrence for her, and she just tries to channel them into productive behaviours, such as looking for a fulfilling job or seeking out people she cares about. She’s honestly brilliant, but yeah, she’s not stranger to what you discussed in your post.

        Not sure how active you still are, but hey, maybe you’ll see this within a few years or so haha.

        Kind regards,
        Nathan

      • I saw this sooner than you expected. πŸ™‚ Thank you for taking the time to reply with such a detailed response. Speaking of words, as a matter of fact, I’ll be posting a book I wrote myself today, which was completely ignored my publishers, on my blog, so you can take a look at it if you’d like. It’s not anything worthy of being published, just a little splash of my creativity on the internet. ❀

    • As an infp who’s sick of other people being offended by something that has nothing to do with them, I’d just like to say go read something that applies to you. No one should have to apologize for offending you when you are choosing to be offended.
      Take your false apologies and high-horse helpful comments elsewhere as you only validate the whole point of the article: you don’t get it.

  9. This is the most amazing post about my personality I have ever read! You took the words RIGHT out of my mouth, especially “feeling like an alien”. I truly don’t even feel I qualify as a human. I sense way more than others (heightened senses), I seem to *feel* more, and I seem to care more and be far more passionate than anyone I know.

    I am an INFP and I totally feel your pain. For me, it is constantly being socially isolated, and as a short guy, I have lived my life almost completely devoid of female companionship. I *love* my personality; I *know* I’m a great guy. Except once a week, almost every week, I can no longer stand waking up in the same bed every day, alone, every woman I have ever truly been interested in having rejected me, and I just spend the entire day crying my ass off. lol. Today is one of those days.

    Once, I settled for one of the women who wanted me for my money, for years, and at least I was touched, and pretty much daily. And that meant the world to me.

    I am such a successful, deep, and lonely man. I wouldn’t wish INFP on any short guy who didn’t have the moral fortitude to see light at the end of the tunnel. I’m just in my early 30s. I wont give up until after my parents die, and only if the situation has continued to be the same. I’ll do that for them. I just feel like I am totally failing at the only thing I honestly want in life: A woman who is open to my love and, eventually, children I can raise.

    If you are an INFP and feeling horribly depressed, please look me up. I would gladly be your friend, and I am an equal opportunity guy πŸ˜‰ No judgement, only validation and acceptance.

    • Thank you for the offer! And for your other kind words. I relate to everything you said, too. I think it might be harder, in some ways, being an introverted male in society. Don’t you just hate societal views? Why do men have to be loud and dominant all the time? I’m sure you’ll find someone who’ll appreciate you. I know that’s a generic statement and it’s what everyone says, but it’s the only thing that gives me hope in my moments when I see myself in the future dying alone in a house filled with books and ten cats and hopefully having had the life of an author. And you know what? I’m okay with that. A partner is important, but in this life, there is more that completes a person than purely romantic love.

    • If the offer still stands I would be very interested in talking to a fellow horribly depressed INFP! Ive only just recently discovered myself as an INFP. Reading about how many of my favourite authors and musicians may fit into this type gave me a surge of self realization that my ego sorely needed after a horrific weekend of trying to interact with people. This post, with its elements of special snowflake drama (my style is the same so I understand the difficulty!) helped so much, made me grin and feel lucky to belong to such a passionate group. That is a feeling I very much needed, going through one of my existential crisis.

      I empathise with your thoughts on your parents, have had similar ones of my own. I rather hope you see this message!

    • If the offer still stands I would be very interested in talking to a fellow horribly depressed INFP! Ive only just recently discovered myself as an INFP. Reading about how many of my favourite authors and musicians may fit into this type gave me a surge of self realization that my ego sorely needed after a horrific weekend of trying to interact with people (good lord it went so very badly!) This post, with its elements of special snowflake drama (my style is the same so I understand the difficulty!) helped so much, made me grin and feel lucky to belong to such a passionate group. That is a feeling I very much needed, going through one of my existential crisis.

      I empathise with your thoughts on your parents, have had similar ones of my own. And I feel you on the loneliness part. I think the fact that we know we have so much to give to a partner can be what makes it so bitter? Assumption galore! Because yeah, I know im awesome, I just need for someone perception to see it, I can’t relax around someone until I know they see my worth. Otherwise im an awkward mess who reads way too much into every sentence while constantly saying the wrong thing myself! (See here comes the special snowflake viewpoint!)

      Thank you to the author of this post, I could so easily have written it myself though I doubt so eloquently! Thank you for making me feel understood on a day I sorely needed it, a day wherein the barbs of things I did wrong are especially barbed. You’ve certainly done me a service.

      Ahh long post! Hope to hear from you zidium πŸ™‚

      • Thank you, too! Like I wrote on another comment, I wish I could talk to other INFPs and commiserate and counsel them full-time, but there isn’t a job like that, and I have a pretty busy schedule at the moment. I am deeply sorry. Many others have reached out as well and it is simply beyond my means to cater to everyone. In the meantime, I wish you all the best, know that I am out here, and so are many others. I hope you can find some comfort in the little pieces that I write on this blog. I really am sorry. Gosh, I hate disappointing people.

  10. *hugs* You’re not alone. I’ve always felt this way…no one ever understands me, the REAL me. Sometimes I’m just really tired of existing in this meaningless life and got depressed most of the time. But hey I’m okay now. Cheer up! πŸ˜€

    • Thank you! So much. I’ve said this billions of times, but I truly relate to this. Depressing. Meaninglessness. But I’m sure you have some avenues where you feel truly alive? Perhaps an artistic pursuit?

  11. I’m an INFP as well (17 year old HS senior boy). You just described me to the bitter end. I only found one fit in society – I can have deep conversations with people and get to their true emotions on things personal to them. Psychologist like? Sort of, yet I never really understood how I was able to simply pick up how people feel. It became hard for me because there were times where I felt the burn of people who speak negatively of me without me knowing – and only then would I know when I felt that emotion.

    One of my outlets is writing poetry or raps about life and such relevant things – not about drugs money and sex that people normally rap about these days. In school i’m regarded as the next civil rights leader (lol) because of my sophisticating/ caring/ inspirational language speeches I give towards my teammates on my teams/ people around me.

    I don’t want to go on rambling too, just know you and I are much alike for what you have described.

  12. OMG, first of all thank you so much for writing this, your style of writing and even apologising for rambling at the end, is exactly like me, and I am certain many other INFPS must feel the same!!!

    I almost feel as though I am the author behind this, it’s so refreshing to come onto the internet and know that there are others in the world like me! However one thing I have to disagree on is the butterfly moth analogy, I believe us INFPs are the butterflies and the rest of the world are the moths ganging together to destroy what is unique and beautiful.

    I just want to understand how we become who we become, and that we seem to ‘fit’ into these personality roles.
    I am pretty sure that us INFPS have the hardest time, because we live with our hearts whereas society drums it into us that we must always be winning, and that uses a lot of brain time and too much energy!

    • I know! I feel the same way every single day, I’ve said it so many times that it has become clichΓ©d. I realize that everyone sometimes feels like they don’t fit in but people like us, no matter how much we seem like we blend or try to, our souls stick out like sore thumbs. Gosh, hope that made sense. Just trying to express my boundless understanding. I understand. So much.

  13. Hah! Thank you! Ive been feeling down the past few days (I dunno if it’s just PMS but it feels like my default. I forget it (being an alien, I’ve always felt like I want to be in another planet, like maybe, home..) but then I always go back to feeling, thinking this). It feels good to know (again; be reminded actually) that somebody feels and thinks the same way as I do. My ex is INFP, too, and we felt home with each other because we get each other. I miss that feeling, you know, finally belonging. Anyway, it gets better. πŸ™‚

  14. Ow… I do understand because I am an INFP. Since I child I always being a weirdo,an outsider who live in another world. Because of that I fake my trueself and you use facade as Happy-go-lucky Extrovert even thought that’s tiresome. But at least I have a friend who understand me because she is an ENFP

  15. Is it weird to say that I wish I could be your friend? I have been an INFP for as long as I can remember. This post voices so much about my disgruntlement with life.

    • Not at all. I wish I could be friends with every lost, idealistic soul that stumbles onto my blog. I don’t have any INFP friends in real life. I’m so glad you could relate. We only seem to find each other online. πŸ™‚

  16. I am stuck being an INFP. My parents and my younger sister is ISFJ and my older sister is ESFJ. I always get called out for being pessimistic and I just want to be free from that. I wish I was an Extrovert ;{ Sorry for a long boring comment I will stop now, and sorry for the derp smile. ;} ;{

    • Hello, fellow INFP!
      I know how you feel. I really, really know how you feel. I get chastised for being pessimistic all the time, as if it’s a bad thing to see the darkness of humanity and life. I sometimes wish I was an extrovert as well, but then I remember all the joys of introversion, such as my own imaginative thoughts, ponderings, creativity and love for writing (which is solitude in a chair, basically), and I realize that we have our own strengths, and I would rather be me than anyone else. Your comment was not boring. I’ve had people tell me I was boring for a long while, simply because I didn’t voice each and every one of my shimmery thoughts. I wish you happiness, I truly do, fellow dreamer ❀

  17. Hey. I really hope you reply, but it’s okay if you don’t see this, too. But thank you for writing this post. You have perfectly encapsulated how I feel. Like whenever I talk to people, I try to steer the conversation towards the deep end and it JUST. STOPS. THERE. I can’t seem to meet any INFPs in real life either… I do know one, but I have no ways or means of getting to know her better. She seems a bit guarded, reserved… but that, I can understand. It’s my famous INTJ mask, only on another INFP. Okay, I’m sorry if I’m generalizing, but I really just wanted to say how I feel. Thank you so much.

    • I’m sorry I couldn’t get to you sooner. Been caught up in the web of my own affairs this past month. But, I’m back now. And, hello! No matter how long I take, I ALWAYS reply to every comment on my blog. I know exactly how you feel, you can’t imagine how perfectly. I wish I could convey the strength of my understanding and commiseration through the screen. I hate trivial conversations, my soul feeds on the deep, and often dark, undercurrents of life, but all everyone wants to talk about are the bubbly brook-water on the surface. I have never met any INFPs before, either, except through this blog. And I do the exact same thing! Put on a logical, rather cold, INTJ mask, in order to fit in, in order to stop myself from caring too much, even though some part of me deep inside is wailing plaintively for philosophical fodder. I have no one to talk to about life. I understand, In understand. Feel free to tell me how you feel anytime. I know I’m just a random person on the internet, but I really do care. Sometimes too much. You’re welcome, and thank you for your comment. Stay strong.

  18. Wow! I was feeling so down and hopeless when I found your post. Thank you :). Somehow it becomes increasingly hard to feel loved and appreciated when you are not living up to expectations and people do not really understand/accept you. I have suffered so much because my family has a hard time loving me for who I am and there is so much pressure to be someone I’m not. It’s all about achievement and success (success?..what does that even mean!!). People can be very superficial and ignore all the beautiful attributes of INFPs (caring, loving, loyal, dreamer, you name it!). I’m 25 now, and I’m barely starting to know and accept myself but it is very difficult to regain a self-worth that has been almost, completely destroyed. Sometimes I feel that the damage is already done and there is no way out… For example, I have discovered my desire to become a writer but the paradigms and stereotypes promoted during my childhood hinder every attempt to pursue that dream with paralyzing fear. Yet, I hope that as this journey continues, someone, somewhere will finally love me and nurture me for what I really am- an authentic INFP… and hopefully that person will be me.

    • I UNDERSTAND. I KNOW. I know exactly, exactly, EXACTLY how you feel. No-one in my family appreciates me either, and instead berates me for not being tough enough, practical enough, not successful enough, for being too scatterbrained. They tell me that I will never succeed as a writer and have to stay in the real world. Yes, you do have to adapt to reality, but it doesn’t mean you should let anyone squash your dreams. My self-worth was pummeled for years before I discovered the Myer-Briggs test, and realized that I was okay, as a person, maybe even better than okay. Thank you for commenting, I really appreciate all the fellow dreamers and idealists who reach out. If you want to become a writer, then go for it. Your heart will tell you if it’s right, and once it does, let it lead the way. Much love ❀

  19. I was sitting by myself wondering what are the things that I need to continously remind myself about. I started reading about my type and came across your post. The intial thought process that lead to this post was satisfied at the end of your article. There are genuine people like me out there who as confused , sensitive as me. They are capable of seeing life through my perspective. I would like you to know the same and hence leave this comment with gratitude for writing this post.

    • I don’t think there’s anything else to say, except that I understand exactly what you mean. Thank you for your heartfelt comment. I don’t think there’s anything else I need to say, our hearts are probably in alignment already as fellow dreamers. I wish you joy in your life. πŸ™‚

  20. Hello πŸ™‚ this is the first time I’ve been here, but thanks to this post I love your blog already πŸ™‚ I am an INFP too, and I couldn’t sympathize more with everything you wrote. I once thought of telling all that bothers me to a shrink. But now I’ve read this I guess it wouldn’t mean anything 😦

    • You can still try to see a psychologist, but, from my experience, they usually won’t understand you. You can think of my blog as your shrink. πŸ™‚ I try to post as many articles on INFP and life as an INFP as I can, so we can all help each other and commiserate and be happy.

  21. Thank you so much for this beautiful, amazing, honest story. It hits my heart. Well I am an INFP and been feeling very lonely lately. I am exactly those things you describe. I am so relieved I am not the only one in this world who is like this. Keep up writing your amazing blog and stories, it supports me. From the Netherlands xx

    • Thank you so much for your lovely, lovely comment, and encouragement. I’m so glad you could relate and I hope from the depths of my heart that you feel less alone. We may not be physically with you, but you’ve got a family out of here, floating in cyberspace πŸ™‚

  22. We are infps, who wander this meaningless world alone. No one shares our views. And we exist in another realm, that’s detached from reality. We look for a deeper meaning, when others insist there isn’t one. We may keep the secret, but we stand by our views, morals and ideas of how society should be. But in the end, all is not lost. We still can imagine a better existence, in a different place, in a different time. πŸ™‚

  23. Great article! I could relate so much to everything you’ve written there as well as most of these comments. Feeling detached from society dominated by extroverts isn’t easy. Finding someone who understands what you’re going through or what you’re thinking is so hard especially when everyone you know thinks in black or white terms. Only yesterday I was having an argument with this extroverted girl who is obsessed with capitalism and “maximization of profits” and it was hard to believe that people love money so much and passion doesn’t count for anything anymore. I’m sorry I don’t think I’m making much sense, English isn’t my first language either. It’s just hard to understand what’s going through your head sometimes.

    • I know! I KNOW. Sorry. I don’t think I could say anything more than that. I know, I know, boy do I know! It makes me sick listening to people talk about money and profits, it’s like their entire world is funneled down to a tiny vision of dollar signs and numbers. I can’t. I can’t even. And people who choose jobs that make more money over jobs they like, even if both are viable – cannot understand. Will never understand.

  24. This post is exactly like a page out of my diary. It’s crazy to think that there are people out there that are so like me! Thank you for putting my exact thoughts out here in the open; I’m pretty sure INFPs are extremely misunderstood a lot of the time and it’s so good to find people who understand how we work. I feel like us INFPs have a special bond :’) You’re never alone. xoxo

  25. This brought me to tears. Beautifully written and spot on. Though the optimist (narcissistic?) side of me prefers that the infps are the butterflies bumping into all the moths… πŸ™‚

  26. You are 100% describing what I feel. And thank you for that, thank you for make me realize that I’m not the only one who see the dark side in an ‘angle’ people adore. You brought me to tears, because I can finally say to myself that I’m not a ‘broken’ human. I’m just an INTP. πŸ™‚

    • ❀ Thank you. I'm glad you realize you're not broken. We're all just a bit wonky around the edges, and find it a bit harder to fit in. I love INTPs. I have one friend, just one, who is an INTP, and her mind is gloriously awesome.

  27. hm….i’m an INFP and the most difficult part ws my childhood..i started to discover myself in my teens….i agree to most things u said but i’ve been blessed with a few friends n a wonderful family who understnds….life is hard for me.its like i make a world with the few people who understands me ,i dont live in a bigger world i make a world for myself with few friends,n live there,n sometimes i need a lot of time alone that i withdraw to my own world…i see life positive after all a chocolate or cofee an lift my mood.but i’ve had heartbreaks…..money position and luxuries..i feel people forget to live.i dont associate with people who focus on these things..i dont care what happens in the bigger world n what those outside my world thinks about me , i just need one person who can perfectly understand me..n thank god i’ve got few whom i took years to find out…but one question is still there in finding the love of my life…making a wrong choice about marriage is the worst thing to happen to an INFP….

  28. This post is beautifully written and I still find it hard to believe that I finally found someone who understands me. I love writing and poetry and philosophy and languages and painting and art and drama and wow I’m using ‘and’ too much now… Anyways, my friend saw me reading this philosophy book on Aristotle once and she just laughed and I felt embarrassed because all my “friends” are extraverts and it can get really annoying. Like sometimes I don’t want to be alone and other times I do and my mood changes so often. I’m also VERY disorganized and so forgetful that my mom even thinks I have ADD. I always avoid problems and conflicts and I hate how everyone just uses the word ‘hate’ and ‘ugly’ so casually–like they’re just meaningless. No one understands my deep views and strange love for esoteric things. I’m really introverted and I have a mild form of social anxiety that can get really annoying sometimes and I often act on emotion rather than rationality. I always escape into my daydreams when I’m bored and I am also a beginner lucid dreamer. I have this weird passion for American History, I’m a Grammar Nazi at heart and the only one who actually gets me is my older sister, who’s an INTP. Another thing that really pisses me off is when people mistake me for being shy, or when people use the wrong type of ‘their’ or when they ask me why I’m not ‘socializing’ or ‘having fun.’ It’s also kind of sad that I don’t have a best friend–I spend most of my lunches reading or writing by myself and there’s no one in my school who knows what it feels like to be an INFP. But one thing I hate about myself is that I can NEVER say ‘no’ to people. I always feel like I have to say ‘yes.’ That if I don’t, then no one will like me. I have an extreme fear of rejection and I am really insecure even though most people don’t think I care since I’m so quiet. Anyways, I think I ranted enough…Hopefully, one day, I might become as great a writer as you. (Oh and I’m only 13, which I guess is a little young to be having such emotionally deep thoughts)

    • *Big Warm Hug* I know. I really do. And yes, thirteen is quite young to have such deep thoughts! I didn’t even know I was an INFP when I was thirteen, so you’re already early in the game of self-discovery. You sound very sweet and lovely and mature.

      And thank you for the astounding compliment, but I don’t deserve it – my writing is far from good. Still quite the novice myself. πŸ˜‰ I do bare my soul through my posts, though, so I guess there’s that. Let your writing speak truth and enjoy the words.

      I wish there was more I could say, but there is no need for words when hearts have already done the talking. All the best, dear dreamer.

    • Thank you for caring. I am fine. Life’s a bit rocky at the moment, and existence is always fraught with pain, but am okay. I hope you get through your tough time as well. You’re right. We’re never alone, even though it always feels like we are.

  29. I’ve just taken a test, and guess what the result? An INFP. well, we’re in the same shoes. That explains a lot. I mean, why can i see the different between insincerity and sincerity pretty easily? Or how can i know when someone just wearing a fake smile? I thought it’s just a negative feeling, but my intuition rarely wrong. Or why my brain can’t stop to work and come up with ideas, vivid story, plans, designs, and i have millions great words in my head but messed it up when i try to declare it. Or why do i tend to be quiet and wondering how can other people speaks and fit in each others easily. Or why the people seems like don’t really care about the topics which is interesting to me. And just as you said, why do i feel different. Like no one can see the way i see. I’m really agree about your statement that you try not to think about people or animal who are suffering. I do the same not because i wanna stop caring about them, but cause sometimes i’m tired of being hurt for them while i can’t do much. I told my self to be a normal person, back to the real world, but every time i try it, i feel like i have lost my humanity, this world is really suck and i don’t know where should i belong. It’s too complicated to explain, but i agree with all your words above. I feel the same, and it’s nice to know that some people out there have the same feeling with you.

  30. This post made me sad, but happy to know that I am not alone. I know exactly how you feel, ie: feeling like an alien masquerading as a human.
    I don’t seem to fit in anywhere.

    Like you, no one wants to listen to my life Philospies, discussions regarding existence, death, the suffering so many endure the world over. I have been described however as, “too kind for your own good”, “selfless to the point of self negligence”, “kind hearted”, etc..I have a tendency to help others but not myself.

    I give praise to those around me but struggle with loving and accepting myself, I read somewhere that INFP’s are very hard on themselves. I have many ideas/dreams but that stupid money thing comes into play.
    I feel unsuccessful because I have not accomplished what society deems to be the definition of “Success”..it’s all material, and once we INFP’s do actually accomplish something, we lose interest or want something more fulfilling – like it’s never enough to be content!!!

    We are an eccentric bunch, and I so desperately hate those pangs of depression that rear it’s ugly head, so often too! But something that I love is that we live in our own world, because the real world is cold and cruel and mean. I prefer to see/appreciate the good in our world, and I love that we never seem to lose our wonder!

    We are far too hard on ourselves, but who are we really? Do you struggle with your identity also? I get the whole “fake it/facade”, I do it at work – I’m the bubbly, chatty, although still shy girl at work ..but I don’t really think that’s me. Although I do like to laugh alot. I get the feeling we are very much naive/child-like wonder and have an innocence about us.

    We need a place where we can identify the pro’s of being an INFP (no con’s or negativity – too toxic for our kind)

      • Ohh wow! I inspired a post? I feel so special!! we INFP’s are amazing and I look forward to reading future posts about focusing on our special traits and abilities. I feel like I’ve found a safe zone to come to now! πŸ˜ƒ Thank you

      • You’re very, very welcome. πŸ™‚ I actually started a new blog specially for INFPs, because I found that I didn’t concentrate enough on this personality (which was kind of why I started this blog in the first place). This is the website, if you’d be interested: http://www.infpdreamer.wordpress.com I feel odd self-advertising like this, but I just really want to create a little close-knit community of dreamers, even better than the scattered, sporadic one on this blog. I’d love for you to join me!

      • Definitely not self advertising, i’m saving the new link to my bookmarks/favourites. I find your posts very insightful and helpful. Hugs x

  31. **also, how do you other INFP’s embrace your intuition? I don’t go with my “gut feeling” because I’d rather believe sonething other than the bad stuff I’m feeling.

    For example: I met a guy, who was so strange and detached (we love all things strange) and I liked talking to him, although, I never felt easy around him, felt abit unsafe and I ignored it in favour of a crush that I allowed to manifest into something bigger than it was. I discovered he was a sociopath – INFP’s are good prey for these types with our ability to see the good in everything, but to be honest, it was f*****g stupid of me, it goes beyond naive to act as such, we have such good intuitive abilities ..yet I don’t embrace them/don’t know how to! I’d rather see the good in someone, even when it is destructive and hurts me, and allows them to take advantage of me and use me, all because I want to help them, especially if they seem broken. Why are we so nice to the point of self destruction? sorry about the essays, I just feel so excited that I’m not alone

  32. Thank you for this beautiful post. I just broke up with an ISTJ who found it difficult to understand the way I perceive the world. I’m constantly trying to find the deeper meaning of things, and a day is rarely complete without a philosophical discussion. I’m so glad there are so many people who feel the same; I was beginning to think I was just a complete weirdo.

    • You are very, very welcome. Thank you for reading. You’re not a weirdo. We don’t even know each other, and every INFP can be slightly different in their own way but I LOVE YOU AS A FELLOW DREAMER and I know how hard it can get. Oh, by the way, I started another recently just for INFPs, for me to help other dreamers and for us to band together and support each other. Here it is: http://www.infpdreamer.wordpress.com
      Still in it’s early stages, but I’d just thought I’d put it out there, in case you were interested.
      Lots of love,
      Dreamerrambling

  33. This is brilliant. Life as an INFP male is quite difficult. Your post, even the bit where you “ramble” makes perfect sense. I work in a VERY RAFI and INTJ/ISTJ world. I’m probably in the “wrongest” job for an INFP – an analyst, working with statistics. Oddly though, being a dreamy INFP has made me remarkably successful, because I have such a “weird outlook” on life.

    Every so often, I find enlightened posts like yours and I’m reminded that, although it’s a small group, there is at least a group of people that understand – EVERYTHING

    Thank you

  34. Wow. You have no idea how amazing it is to know that someone out there, no matter how far away, understands me. I’m still in middle school and I guess I’m a bit of a loner. At lunch, I usually go to the library and just read your wonderful blog or write. By myself. No one really understands me (and I realize how trite that sounds) but I just can’t seem to emphasize that enough. There was once this guy who saw me go to the library everyday and he called me “antisocial” (even though the correct term is “asocial”) and he told me to go outside and make friends. I didn’t say much back to him because I’m an introvert, duh. But UGH. It hurts to know that there are so many people out there who would rather form superficial connections with others and have mindless chatter and take selfies (UGH) than contemplate the meaning of our mere existence. Anyways, I’m so glad I found this blog and I realize that was a bit of a rant but just THANK YOU FOR EXISTING. I wish I could actually meet you, but, I mean, I can imagine it right? πŸ™‚

    • Thank you for your kind words, you’re very welcome! I thank you so much for existing too. All these wonderful INFPs stumbling onto my post, and feeling a kinship in their hearts makes me want to sob with happiness. Yes, our imagination fills all the sorrows and shortcomings of our realities! And being antisocial is not a bad thing. You’ve got a rich inner world. Enjoy it. They’re missing out.

  35. Thank You for this post, this thing You wrote “INFPs should live and be nurtured in a magical, ethereal land…” it really made me giggle and it’s spot-on.

    Just recently (well today actually) I’ve discovered that my personality type has changed to INFP, I really had this feeling, that I have turned into a different person over the year.

    The biggest trouble for me is finding what should I do with my future, every new thing I start learning / studying , when I run out of passion for it, I can’t force myself into doing it anymore and so I start doing something new and every time it ends with me quitting.

    For me life is all about atmosphere, romance , surreal and unconditional love, I don’t like to see world in it’s natural colors, I want to fill it with my own.I hate logical solutions and strategic planing, it’s unnatural for me.All my decision are made based on how I feel and most of the time people don’t understand reasons of my decisions. “Why did You drop out of University for the third time?” Well I felt like I need to do that.There is never a logical explanation for anything in my life.It really makes me look stupid in other people eyes, but I have never regretted for what I chose (Just a little), because I had this feeling in my guts, that I couldn’t keep on doing this anymore and that’s what matters.

    I’ll keep on reading about this personality type and will try to discover new things on how to Rock’n’Roll in life.Thanks again for sharing Your sweet thoughts, good to know that there all people similar to me.

  36. I am an INFP, who moved to the U.S from Korea several years ago. It is really hard that you are being an INFP and also having language and cultural barriers at the same time. I sometimes like to write a poetry or lyrics for the melodies that I came up with, but it can be quite difficult if my feelings cannot be fully expressed from the language that I am trying to use. It sometimes makes me sad thinking about that my readers or audience may not be able to get my message right. I guess I am going to stay this society for a while, where I cannot freely express myself either verbally or through writings even during the times when I have strong emotions. Anyways, all I wanted to say is that I hope you could find some hope ! plus, you are a good writer πŸ™‚

    • Oh, I can imagine how difficult it must be for you. Hang in the there. Don’t worry to much. All is transient, and you are not alone. πŸ™‚ I’ll always be here, trying to give my bit of hope.

  37. Hurrah! I found another INFP. :))
    So you see, we are the few that keeps the balance. And as such, even if difficult, we have to keep living, and thriving.

    *virtual hugs fellow INFPs*

  38. As an INFP I definitely feel you. I continue to talk about the things that actually matter, even if others seem content to continue on with the mundane small talk that is the bane of our existence. Sooner or later though, when you have something to say people start to listen. To be an INFP has its moments of extreme depression and loneliness, but it is truly one of the greatest privileges. Tis both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so deeply, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

    • Indeed it is. A heavy burden, but one we would never want to cast off. It does get pretty tough. My words aren’t enough to convey the depression and loneliness. Thank you for reading, and reaching out. ❀

  39. Hi!

    I am a fellow INFP who has been reading this blog for about half a year. My life has changed quite a lot recently and I have been struggling trying to get used to a new school, new city, and being apart from the people I feel safe with.

    Thank you for your beautiful writing; your blog has eased the sadness inside of me.

    • That makes me so happy. Thank you, for reaching out. Thank you, for reminding me that I can make my small difference now, even when I’m not published or haven’t done anything great. What use is are our lives, if not to make the lives of others a little better? I’m so glad, and I wish you, not happiness, but some fulfilment, something that makes you sigh with the sigh of knowing you have done what you should have done, when you go to sleep at the end of the day. πŸ™‚

  40. Thank you. Seriously. This blog has helped tremendously. I believe you executed on what it’s like to be a common Infp. Even though it’s somewhat “easy” for our kind to write and articulate our inner most feelings into paper, it’s still not a small feat to do so while explaining the hardships of being an INFP. Maybe it is just my uniqueness embedded into the general personality, but one of the key traits that I struggle with, and have been researching the cure, is in social events I feel like an outsider. Even more then that I tire easier in social events ranging from a room full of people or a medium sized group of antiquates. During the initial socialization I am like most INFPs, were I had short comments every now and again but I listen for the most part. After the event I feel drained inside, I feel an emptiness across my heart that today’s modern society would call Depression, or even Bipolar-ism. I feel that all i’m capable of at the time of this intense heartache is curling up into a ball and letting the screeching silence of my thoughts surround myself. I feel this pounding inside my skull, my eyes beg to let the floodgates open, and my heart says that someone I know dear has betrayed me and I can’t function without giving of the impression that I have a curable illness. All these things happen even when just an hour ago I was having a jolly ol time being energetic, sprightly and full of enthusiasm. There is no rhyme or reason for this sudden mood change, but the only pattern that this demon follows is trailing behind a social event. I realize I may have been a bit to dramatic, however us INFPs do very much enjoy a spice of drama in our writing, now don’t we, even when the spice is tainted and reeks of a pessimistic. Please get back to me whenever it is convent for you, to aid me in the quest of settling this debate inside that wages war saying this is my unique trait that sets me apart from most of the other INFPs, or it’s simply a burden that all of our people have to struggle with daily. Thank you again for the blog which was beautifully written by the way. Not that this has anything to do with the rant I expressed earlier, but I’m a 17 year old boy. I have a speech impediment which hinders my speech into constantly repeating the beginning verse of a sentence that I was going to say. Whist studdering has kept me from articulating my thoughts out loud, I do participate in my schools musical which helps me to shed my shell and interact even more. I do again realize that, that background of myself was pointless but maybe someone else reading these comments finds themselves in a similar situation has I have reluctantly called my life.

    • You are not alone in the way you feel. Perhaps my state of mind is not exactly the same as yours after a social experience, but I know what you speak of: the terrible, terrible emptiness and fatigue, like gray rain flowing through your body. You feel half-transparent from the exertion of socializing, or just being around people, so exhausted that crumpling up into a ball in a silent room sounds like the most appealing thing in the world. My deflation tends to happen after I pretend to be extroverted for the first few minutes of the conversation. After that, I lose steam, and then that pounding and craziness sets in. My advice is to be yourself, your natural, introspective self, in conversations, and to stop talking if you don’t feel like it, or gently allow the conversation to peter off with less emphatic and jolly replies. Your own well-being is worth more than entertaining another human with your words.

  41. Hi!

    Let me just start by saying I love your blog and you’ve inspired me to create one, too.

    I just have a few questions to ask about starting it up on wordpress, if you don’t mind:

    1) How do I change the address of my blog? (the url)

    2) How do people find me? (for example, I first found your blog by typing in “infp blog society” on google) I tried attaching tags to my posts, but when I searched up the tags online, my blog didn’t show up.

    That’s all the questions I have for now, but thanks for taking the time to read my comment. Keep writing! πŸ™‚

    • Thank you, and I’m so glad! That makes me really happy – send me the link and I’ll be sure to read it. As for the address, you should be able to access it by clicking your profile picture on the right hand corner of the WordPress page. It will take you to this new page, and from there, click on “Account” to change your address or URL. In regards to how people can find you – I’m not too sure myself. At first, I couldn’t find my blog either, but over time, as you write more posts and get more hits, it begins to show up in the search engines. So, just concentrate on writing and sharing pieces of your heart and having fun. πŸ™‚

  42. Hello. Your post is from some time ago but I just read it. You’re not alone. I’m 39 years old and I still struggle with being an INFP in this culture. It’s difficult, to say the least. Even though I’m sorry you’ve suffered, it feels good to read thoughts that let me know I’m not alone either. Misery loves company, I guess. But it’s good to realize we’re not broken, just different.

    • Indeed it is. Thank god for the internet. Imagining all those iNFPs and social outcasts who suffered in silence throughout history, never knowing that others like them existed in the world, makes me feel sick with sadness.

  43. “When other people chase after money, INFPs look for passion, fulfillment and meaning. No, seriously. If money wasn’t needed for basic necessities such as food, we couldn’t give a damn about it. I can’t understand this consumer driven society.”

    I could relate to this. I also do not understand why MANY women “screen” a potential husband with how much money the man has. It’s crazy. I could never be like that. I want to marry a man whom I am deeply in love with…I won’t even care if he can’t provide much..

    I am glad I found people who are like me on the net. Where are you fellow INFPs in real life? πŸ™‚

    You write well, by the way. πŸ™‚

  44. This is amazing.That’s exactly how I feel! I wouldn’t dare tell anyone I know IRL though because the few times I’ve tried, it’s never gone well. It’s hard to live in a world where your own parent and friends don’t care to listen to you or bother to understand you because you’re being ‘complicated and overly-sensitive for nothing’. It feels soo good to know there are people out there just like me. I feel human πŸ™‚
    I love your blog.

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