It Is Hard Being An INFP

 

It Is Hard Being An INFP

*Here is a book I wrote for INFPs.

Okay.

It is hard being an INFP (Check out the Myer-Briggs Personality Test if these four letters mean as much to you as leaves at the bottom of a teacup).

I mean REALLY hard.

Every day I feel like I am actually an alien masquerading as a human.

INFPs should live and be nurtured in a magical, ethereal land (see above image) where dreamers are appreciated, not trapped in the bell jar of reality. It may be fine for other people but it suffocates our souls.

Gah. It’s so hard to explain the torment. It’s like you’re on an entirely different wavelength from everyone else around you. And I don’t mean INFPs on are on a more intellectually or morally superior level. No, we’re just different from the norm. A little unconventional. And we know how much society hates that, don’t we?

When other people chase after money, INFPs look for passion, fulfillment and meaning. No, seriously. If money wasn’t needed for basic necessities such as food, we couldn’t give a damn about it. I can’t understand this consumer driven society. It’s just stuff. It’s just money. Just why is it so important to people? Mentioning this in public is not the best idea. I get sneered at for being unrealistic. And the conflict between passion and money is a never-ending war inside of me… Things like fame and money entice people enough to make them chase after them all their lives…and then on their deathbed they realize their hands and hearts are empty.

I’m also so sensitive I’m unsuitable for existence. One wrong word cuts me to the bone and I will mull over it miserably for days on end. I hate conflict so much that after going through one I feel like I’ve run a marathon. I just hurt so easily, there’s no emotional skin. I blush, I blunder, I make a fool out of myself and I can feeling the judging stares burn into my skin.

I care so much it hurts. I care so much I use up energy involuntarily. I try not to think about people or animals who are suffering not because I’m heartless but because it makes my chest tighten with agonizing empathy.

Whenever I talk to people, it’s like there is always this barrier. Always. Everyone else seem so carefree, like they belong, the words flowing out of their mouths with ease but me…I have to fake my way through it. No one around me wants to talk about the things I want to: death, existence, love, humanity, how insignificant Earth is, how the universe is so large it’s frightening, why we are here on this earth anyway and whether it all means anything. It’s too ‘morbid’ for light conversation and people just prevaricate my philosophical questions to go talk about the latest movies or whatever.

I can read people relatively well. I can tell which people are genuine and goodhearted, which are artificial and selfish. I can see through people’s masks. But no one else seems to see it. I knew this girl who was so artificial and arrogant when I was in school. But everyone loved her and thought her to be brilliant. No one saw through the façade. I felt like such an outsider, like I was seeing a ghost no one else saw.

I’m not an efficient person. My table is a mess. I never remember to wash dishes. I forget things. I’m always at the butt end of jokes because of this, that ‘scatter-brained’ person who is eccentric and can’t do anything properly.

When it’s one of those days where I’m engulfed with the meaninglessness of existence and slightly gloomy, I’m labeled as being depressed and pessimistic. I’m told to see the ‘silver lining’ and to be happy and jolly and optimistic and all smiles and gapped teeth. As if you’re defective if you aren’t happy-go-lucky most of the time.

I just have all these ideals and dreams and they’re like fragile glass windows through which I see the world. And life shatters them and I become jaded and cynical.

I think about existence and life and other deep topics which are not socially acceptable to voice and the burden of all this pondering weighs upon me every day.

Books and writing and creativity are my life blood. They pump me with feeling and energy to live another day in the real world.

I don’t know where I’m going with this post. I just can’t seem to put into words this feeling of being isolated and different, like no one understands. I’ve been to psychologists who have been nice enough but once I voice my concerns about death or something and they smile at me with only their mouths, I know I’m talking to the wrong person.

I don’t know. It’s just hard. I don’t know what else to say. People don’t know what it’s like sometimes unless they’re in an INFP’s shoes. It’s like the world is full of robust butterflies and among them are these tiny little white moths who are the INFPs and they are batted and bruised and pushed this way and that by the butterflies and the wind and life forever and ever.

I don’t know what else to say. So I think I’ll just stop now. This is probably a horribly boring and aimless post. I’m sorry.

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289 thoughts on “It Is Hard Being An INFP

  1. Thanks for the article! I am an INFP male. I have felt “different” for a very long time. I am a very, very deep person. People see me as calm and quiet. However, there is a raging see inside of me. I am SUPER sensitive too. I can get hurt even when someone is not trying to be hurtful. I am 28 now and have had an extremely hard time in the working world. I always get tired of a job in a few months and do not find it very fulfilling. I also get overlooked by more extroverted people at work and never get promoted. My misery at work makes me pretty depressed sometimes. I am thinking about trying to get a master’s in professional counseling soon. Maybe I would actually fit in as a therapist. =)

    • I understand entirely. Do not remain anywhere that makes you feel miserable. Little matters in the end, so you may as well grasp for what scraps of happiness you can during this existence. Take care and I hope it all goes well for you.

    • Im almost 30 as well and am also gaining a clearer understanding of my many, many difficulties in this world. I consistently test infp,and am in fact working with a counseler well versed in this subject matter. I understand thatthere are many who feel this way. The way I describe it is being born without an ‘engine’ that most others seem to have, or at least pretend they do. I, too, have never held a job longer than 6 or 7 months, mainly because I cant stand an oppresive enviornment, and the fact everyone acts really fake and phony. Friend, wait it out. Its all you can do. Some older infp’s I know say as you age, you can make your own way, and need not concern yourself with the expectations of ‘society’.

  2. I’m a 17 year old infp female. Some days I feel like a philosophical being and that I’m lucky to think the way that I do. other days I feel like worm food ready to die and be eaten and that is the best contribution I will leave to the world. Many therapists have told me that this is the wrong way to think. However eventually the sun will super nova and the world will end any way so what is the point in others telling me how I should think.I’ll do as I damn well please. I’m just saying that I feel you, truly I feel you.

  3. I am INFP too I know too well that feeling that nobody understands I am always told to be yourself but when I do they treat me as if I was an alien from a faraway galaxy who knows nothing when I seem more intelligent then they can ever be but I guess it is just the way life is for us

  4. I’m 18, a senior in High school right now, and I’m lost. Truly completely lost. Everyone tells me go to college (go into massive debt), go to work, do something. Here I am..at my computer with editing software, programs to work and make videos like I want to, and I still know It won’t get me anywhere. I’ve gone through these 4 years of school confused, lost..just empty I kept thinking how alone and out of touch I felt with everyone. Last Semester I found out I was an INFP and I felt like I finally found a bit of comfort. That I wasn’t alone. Only now I realize I’m too late. The minute I get this piece of comfort is the same moment I am about to graduate. Everyone has their place and the college they want to go to..and then there is me almost out the door and I don’t even know where I’m going or what to do.

    • It’s not too late. You can’t let yourself think that way. Tolkien, a famous and successful INFP, said, “Not all who wander are lost.” You’re only 18 and you have your whole life ahead of you. You’re armed early on with the knowledge that you are INFP and that will help you to understand yourself. There is no knowledge that is not power. Don’t fall into the trap of comparing yourself to others. The only right path for you is yours. It’s hard being us, but if you embrace the challenge, it is doable. You can do it.

    • Your comment inspired my most recent post. I just wanted to let you know that, like Jerry said, you are still young, and still have plenty of time to figure things out. In other words, nothing is set in stone, and nothing is too late if you are still alive.
      Though my recent post doesn’t address your issue in particular, and was more a personal musing, what I can tell you is: follow the love. Rather than compromise as some people do, settling down in a job simply for the money, fight for what you love and what you believe in with everything that you have. It is the only life that will bring you true happiness.

  5. Yeah I am in my early 20’s and I think I understand the pain of your isolation, your intense drive to heal the world, the general ignorance/sheep of society, and that hollow feeling you get right there.

    I understand how frustrating it is to find a “genuine” person with whom you can be your “true” self around and have conversations with actual SUBSTANCE. I understand the loneliness you feel when you walk at night, being at complete awe at the beauty and complexity of the world around you yet not having anyone to wonder with…..

    But chin up stranger, we’ve clearly been given Sith powers >:)

    There is a reason why most Psychiatrists,Psychologists, and Social workers have the I N F configure.
    There is a reason why we jumped from 1% to 4%.

    And your feelings…Listen to them, fully experience them, EMBRACE THE MADNESS THAT IS THE DAARKSIIIEEED!!

    Apparently thats how it goes sometimes 😉

      • Hey no worries 🙂

        I just found it so comforting to know that there are those out there who share the same views.
        Sometimes I just find myself nodding on and on; this might actually be the first time i read any legit INFP works…I find them rather Interesting…like uuughh in a non creepy I am actually a 45 year old cyber stalker kinda way..errrr….

        I was also getting slightly paranoid that my post might come across as preachy…wait was I being preachy?? oh god..ok no I wasnt being preachy, just kinda clingy and ughh wait no start over..

        HI 😀

        I am Malice 😀 whats your favorite type of mustard?

        fuuuuu….ok look I have to be brutally honest with you; I dont think this relationship is going to work out. Were just too different aaand I dont like your parents, your taste in ceramic tiles, and I am sorry but your cooking sucks.

        😉

      • Haha 🙂 Don’t worry; it’s not creepy at all. And what are you talking about, my cooking is awesome…well, actually, no, it’s not, it does actually suck. I swear I once nearly burned water. Or at least whatever residue was coating the pan.

      • If anyone has been through a serious break up and you have some advice for me I would greatly appreciate it. It started with this one girl, for the sake of privacy I will name her Sam. I’ve known Sam for over a year and during that time we have been eachothers rock, I know all her secrets and she knows most of mine. After giving her some much needed encouragement about breaking up with an unhealthy relationship, we became even closer. We decided to start dating on exactly a year since we’ve known eachother. She was my first Girlfriend and my first kiss. Now, I’m now 18 and she is 17, so I was very late to the party of relationships. It started of as you would expect, a fairy tale, I was her prince and she was my princess. Then she started to get more and more upset at me and what she called “a fight” was nothing more then her being mad at me, and like a INFP I said I was sorry for the crime that I didn’t commit and we went on with ourselves. Then she started to make up problems in her head and decided not to tell me because she didn’t want to bother me and eventually it snowballed into her not being happy anymore with me. She decided we she break up but she wanted it to be temporary to see how she felt and we still hung out and we still kissed so we basically were “a thing” but the pain of the break up and her flirting with other guys is so hard to cope with. I very recently said we need some space apart, advice from a friend, and we will see how we feel about eachother after the temporary space session is finished. It still hurts though, I can’t go a day without crying because I miss her.

  6. I can completely relate!!! I am an INFP female, 55 years old, but, in all honesty, not only do I not ACT my age, I certainly don’t FEEL my age, and I don’t look my age, either. I feel very much like I did when I was about 9 years old. I can remember my feelings of “not fitting in”, and how in the world to try to “look and act the part” so vividly; it’s because I feel those same feelings, now.
    I crave time alone. I got exhausted on phone calls. I love to talk when the conversation is interesting, but I am so passionate and have such a hard time trying to explain myself and I feel so misunderstood that my talking is perceived as “excessive”. Although, I talk no more and quite often less than friends when we are talking together. It’s just that THEY talk about the things that they all understand and want to talk about–things that I don’t really care about, understand, movies that I haven’t seen and don’t want to see, tv shows that I have never watched and have no interest in watching, etc. I want to discuss an amazing book I’ve read and how that book actually spoke to me, stuff like that. Sometimes I feel like I am being looked at like I have lobsters crawling out of my ears. It is VERY, VERY hard being an INFP. When I get “labeled” a “talker” or “eccentric” or whatever, I feel that I have been somewhat permanently, dismissed.
    I am also a musician, which just seems to compound the problem. I am extremely artistic and creative. I have taken on the “this is who I am, and if you don’t like it, too bad” attitude, and it works for me for a while, but deep down, in my heart of hearts, I just feel misunderstood. I am becoming worn out with dealing with people. It is getting to be just too much trouble to try to deal with. I would like to go back to teaching music in my private studio and not have to put up with he politics of dealing with a public school setting or all of the women that are found in same.
    I have had my feelings hurt countless times, and I have forgiven, but I am at the point now that I am ready to not only forgive, but to just move on.
    I am just too tired to continue to try to put forth the effort to fit my “square and eccentric self” into this round hole of “normal existence in day to day life”.
    I love VERY deeply. I care very, very deeply. I do NOT give up on my passions and I am a champion for the children that I teach. They need me very desperately, a many of them have no one else. The problem is, I have poured out so much that I am beginning to feel that I need to be re-filled. If I were to try to explain ANY of this to anyone else, they would actually believe that I had lost my mind. So, I just don’t even try. I just continue to suffer in silence. I have always, and still do, LOVE small spaces and to be closed in, by myself in the dark with only soft light, where no one really knows where I am, and I can read my book, by myself. I can have my dog with me and just sit back and read.
    All of these things would literally make others want to look for the closest mental hospital to check me in to.
    I am just so tired. Does anyone else feel this way? If so, and I’m sure that you do, how do you cope? What do you do when you get so hurt and laughed at about “talking too much” when you suddenly believe that you might have picked up on something in a conversation that you can relate to and explain yourself? What do you do when you are so deeply hurt in your workplace and so close to retirement that you just can’t really leave? I am at a complete loss and I am actually thinking that I would much prefer to stand behind a bar in a restaurant and serve mugs of beer to people that I don’t have to get so “close to”, I can “chat” a bit if I have the energy, or not, and then, at the proper time, I can leave with my purse.
    Any suggestions from anyone???
    Thanks!!! I will certainly take anything that is offered and give it a try. 😉

    • Look up Dr. Michael R. Smith intuitive empath. A priceless resource for highly sensitive, INFP’s. Naturally the vast majority will not understand, shine your light anyway. See your gifts as a blessing and be empowered. The more you understand yourself the more you will feel understood by others, I find. I relate so strongly to your (our) story. I’m 53, INFP, male, musician, oops wrong planet kind of guy. Music is the best! Peace be with You songbird, one and ALL.

    • Hi Songbird,
      I’m so very sorry, I approved your comment yet somehow missed replying to it. Christopher’s suggestion is very good; INFPs are often Empaths. As for your other struggles, well, as compensation for overlooking your words (sorry once again, I feel quite terrible, I know how it feel to not get a reply and I usually make it a point to reply to all comments) and because your concerns inspired me I’ll be writing some articles centred around them. I’ll send the links to your email, just in case you don’t end up seeing this comment. Stay strong, and take care. We’re with you. We know how it feels. And once again, sorry for the ludicrously late reply.

    • I can so identify with your comments. I too am near retirement after having worked for the same company for nineteen years in an environment that is totally unsatisfying for me personally, but one with which my technical skills are well suited (it pays the bills). I am at the point now of trying to decide if I have the guts to walk away between now and the end of this year (early retirement). I’ve discovered another career field that is totally suited to my inner drive, passion and skill set, but I don’t have the energy to do my day job and build the other career on the side. So, it’s one or the other. I know which direction I WANT to go, it’s just gathering the courage to take the leap into a brand new paradigm. After I retire, I will need a little time to rest, heal and recover from all those years spent in the corporate world. After that, watch out, world! Suggestion? Do some deep soul searching/praying, make a pros & cons list, make whatever lifestyle adjustments that are needed to make it work for you and GO FOR IT! (I’m preaching to myself here as well). What are we waiting for? A whole new life awaits us if we will just take that first step in the direction we need to go.

      • I definitely think you should pursue your passions after you retire--that way, you can spend the rest of your life in happiness, doing what you love. All the best. <3

  7. This was not an aimless or useless post!
    I’m an INFP- at least I’m pretty sure I am. I have been mistyped as an INTP before, and heaven only knows how that happened (well actually, I have my theories but that’s another blog post lol).
    I’m not QUITE as sensitive as many INFPs are. This is what can cause me to doubt myself and my type, and probably what made me visit some INFPs and run away, thinking there was no way I was like them.
    I’ve come to find, however, that you guys are the lucky ones. You have such an immense well of feeling bubbling forth and you can express it so well. I know you’re probably rolling your eyes right now, but I’m serious. Maybe your post isn’t Shakespeare, but it is worded very well and makes you feel what the author felt. I can’t seem to do that. I have all these swirling emotions that are disconnected from any particular source, and they simply cannot come out. The idea of managing to let them out somehow is like cutting a hole in myself and leaking my only claim to life away for good, wasting them on something or someone that won’t appreciate it and make me regret my decision, make it even harder to do again in the future.
    I guess what I’m trying to say, is there’s a lot of different kinds of INFPs out there, and this one is in awe of the ones who can truly express themselves without fear. Then again, I did just kind of express myself a touch in this comment. :p and even this has left me feeling vulnerable.
    For what it’s worth though, I think you have an awesome blog, and you have a new follower! 🙂

    • Each dimension, I or E, N or S, F or T, and P or J, has degrees of strength associated with it and all types use all dimensions from time to time. So if your F dimension is weak, you very likely alternate between F and T frequently. Some people come up a different type every time they’re assessed, while others come up the same every time. I’m firmly INFP, but I’m the most extroverted introvert you’d ever want to meet. I have many friends and I love to get together with them, but I could just as happily stay in and read and not use my voice for days on end if life would allow it. Everyone is different. Your type can guide you and give you insight into yourself and others, but it shouldn’t be a cage.

      • Yes, you’re definitely right there.Of course, I don’t think how many friends you have or if you enjoy hanging out decides your I/E preference, lol, but regardless, you’re correct- I think it’s really just who I was raised by. ISTJ (possibly INTJ but I doubt it), and an INFJ whose family is literally ALL Ts and is rather… tainted, lol. I come from a family situation where we just don’t express things, and my parents always talk of people who think with their hearts as if they need to learn how reality works and use their brain.
        I didn’t see myself as inept or flighty, as they saw, say, my ESFP cousin, so I thought “well, I can’t be an F” and went off with the Ts. :p
        Your type should not be cage! Agreed! It is just a method of knowing why you do what you do. You shouldn’t take it toooo seriously. 🙂

    • Aw, thank you. You warmed my heart. Funny you should mention feelings, as my recent post is exclusively devoted to be whining about having too MUCH feeling. I think you should take the risk to let your feelings come out, hard as it may be (I imagine it would be just as difficult for me to reign in my feelings and analyze the situation coldly and logically). But. It is worth it, to show your feelings. It is worth it, to express rather than leave it bottled up. It is. Painful and scary as it might be, and even if you do regret it afterwards, at least you tried. It is better to say, than to not say; better to do, than not do. You can only truly regret what you did not say or do. Lots of love.

      • Well, I’m glad my comment served some purpose then! 🙂
        I find I’m rather in the middle- I can’t analyze coldly and logically, nor am I particularly inclined to let the reins out on the feels, either. :p The one that I am most tempted to do is the latter though, which is a factor that helped me decide I was an F and not a T.
        I will totally keep that mind. I agree I should. I mean, it makes sense…. I just have to, you know, convince the parts of me less interested in reasoning of that fact. :p
        As I said to Jerry earlier, I come from an ISTJ and an INFJ who is literally only hanging out with/related to Ts and is quite tainted in some ways by all the Ts, lol. I;m used to a family who banters and jokes and occasionally talks things out, but for the most isn’t SERIOUS. I often find myself mentioning important things offhand so they seem less scary to say at all, but then no one realizes they are important and it is joked about. I have learned to laugh it off, but I have to say, as much as I love my family, they are not the people I will be first to turn to in self-expression when it comes to the stuff I REALLY care about.
        I have to agree with you there- in the end, I’d rather regret what I did than what I didn’t do. 🙂

  8. It’s good to know I am not alone, every day something or some one hurts me to the core when others don’t care for me or anyone else, I feel at a loss to understand why some think this way. Sometimes one person or another expects something from me to my detriment, and they don’t care, I scream inside, I suppose I care too much, then others think they can take advantage and I find it hard to say no, because if it makes life easier for them, then that makes me happy. I just can’t think on the same level as these unfeelers and they don’t understand me or how I explain things. We apologise too much for the way we are, we must learn to just be and hope we find others who are like us.

    • Yes: You are not alone; whenever you feel pain, there is someone out there who has felt or is feeling the same way: hold onto that, as a source of comfort when times are hard. And you’re right. We do apologise too much. We should just, well, be. Just live, without thinking, without apologizing: simply existing, just as everything in the universe exists. Even if we are lonely, the loneliness is, too, an illusion, for deep down, we are all connected, part of the universe; and that is something else you can hold onto, when the nights get long and dark. Lots of love.

  9. Thank you for this. I always thought I was the only one who felt this way, who succumbed to the hurt so easily. I care too much, apologize too much, love too much and expect the same from others as well. But that doesn’t happen. I don’t know why we’re the only one who think and feel so deeply. But I hope someday, we’ll find others like us.

    • I am exactly the same. Indeed, indeed, indeed: I agree, we are “Too Much” personified. Let us accept and love ourselves for who we are, and dream our dreams, and feel as deeply as we can, until the end.

  10. Hi, i’m an 18 year old girl. An INFP. I long to have a conversation with an INFP. To have someone understand me. Reading this was very emotional and i’m not completely sure why. The fact that my entire existence being summed up extremely well in a few paragraphs is very morbid. If any INFP wants to talk you can email me at lillygilly@hotmail.com 🙂

    • I hope it soothed your heart in some way, at least in making you feel less alone, even if it was emotionally agitating. It seems to me that all over the world there are struggling misfits (INFPs) who have only now begun to, through the internet, find people who can understand them.

      Something needs to be done about this.

      *puts on thinking cap*

      PS: You can email me at dreamerrambling@hotmail.com to talk, if you want. 🙂 And I’m very, very sorry for overlooking your comment. I need to get better at this.

  11. Being an INFP is definitely not easy in this world but I think it helps a lot when you stop relating everything to yourself and start taking the world simply as it is. I used to be quite a spontaneous person albeit shy until I started having serious personal problems in my middle teen years. Now I’m 25 and I’ve been changing my life a lot for the past few years. Now I’m very quiet outside and I can’t really have fun doing stuff most people do every day to have fun. I learned that INFP’s should take advantage of their other functions as they grow up, otherwise it’s simply impossible to be at balance with your environment if you’re trying to deal with everything using only your Fi. I was quite sceptical about functions at first but as I kept observing people after finding out about MBTI, I realised functions are a very good representation of what’s going on. I also found out how you actually have two faces, one that you present to the outer world and the other one that is reserved only for you and your closest ones if you choose to show it to them, in case of INFP’s I guess that may even be just a few people throughout lifetime. So you should definitely work on your extraverted face. You can be your best guide, you just need to keep looking beyond. I hate religion and all the lies alike that are fed to masses, but I found a magnificent tool for self-actualisation in self-hypnosis and meditation, the answers are out there.

    • Thank you for reading, and sharing your advice and experience. I know what you mean: how I show myself to others in the outside world, on the rare occasions another human being engages me in conversation, is more of a part I play, rather than who I really am. Then again, sometimes I don’t know who I am. I feel like thirteen different people, all at once, which is confusing for me, not to mention other people. Self-actualization is wonderfully healing for INFPs – I’d go as far as to say it should be the one next above our basic needs for food, shelter and safety, more important than friends and family and community. As dreamers, we need to know what are we here for, to flourish into the best versions of ourselves and do whatever our heart yearn to, in order to find the slightest bit of happiness.

  12. What you are saying is as if I am reading about myself. I greatly appreciate your thoughts. I am learning more about why I am the way that I am ever day, after years of not knowing and just feeling broken. I feel such relief to finally realize I am not completely alone and others feel the way I do. Thanks.

    • You are not alone. Others feel as you do, thousands and thousands. Every minute, every second, someone feels exactly as you do, just as alone, just as sad, just as confused. Always remember that, and let it give you strength.

  13. I can relate to this so well. I am not as young as you are now, but I’ve felt the same disconnection from people since high school. Though in college, it seemed better because you’re around more like minded people that you’re taking courses with.
    Do you ever feel this odd energy around you, too? I honestly feel like that, in addition to rarely being able to connect with anyone, there’s this creepy twilight zone energy that inflicts me though a great part of the day. Some areas have it more than others.
    Do not feel sad, you’ll find that you actually intrigue a lot of people, especially when guys become brave enough to approach you and they’ll tell you that they thought you were the intriguing one.
    Some people equate quiet with snobby, but the right people will always come to you. I promise.

    • Thank you for such encouragement. Truly. Actually I think my INFPness has imploded recently; ever since a recent bout of depression, I’ve become quite reclusive. Which isn’t good, I know. I plan on re-connecting with the world. It’s just that I feel so misunderstood, on so many levels, in every human interaction, that being by myself, though lonely, is less painful than trying to find a connection where there is none. I sometimes wonder whether we can truly understand anyone, and if relationships are simply a buffer against greater fears of death and the apparent meaninglessness of life. Do we delude ourselves into thinking we are not alone? Everyone is alone, in the end. And yes, I do, though I cannot be certain if it is the same odd aura you speak of. Not only do I walk around in a detached daydreamy bubble, which makes me feel like an alien floating through society, I do feel a kind of strange melancholy whenever I am at certain places. Like parks or churches, or even a street corner with an abandoned sign. I don’t know. Everything about life is strange, to be honest, and I am lost in the bizarreness of it.

    • It feels so nice to here that one day some guy will have the guts to walk up to me and say that they are intrigued by me. Sometimes I just feel like in public everything about my personality is preprogrammed. And my personality in such situations is aloof and cold. I just want to scream out at the world, “please don’t be put off by me. I’m kind, I want to be engaged in a conversation, and in that conversation you can say the stupidest thing ever, and I’ll laugh because that’s just the type of person I am. I won’t judge you, despite the facade that I project in social settings.

      • It is hard when we’re taught to admire ‘fake’ kindness, which is talking more and expressing love outwardly. I am hoping that in the near future that people will understand introverts better. But still, the curious ones and the ones worth your time will show themselves to you. ❤ Hope you are doing well!

  14. I’m very sorry to hear that you are depressed. I know, it’s so hard when you feel so disconnected from everyone, and when you do connect with a person once in a blue moon, they become so important and I find that INFPs count too much on those that they really care about. Like, I will tie all of my happiness into one person, and that’s why I fall so hard. But we don’t need to fall as hard as we do, sadly, it just takes some experience to have better judgement.

    I hope that you feel better soon, and you’ll find that when you do get out there, it isn’t so scary and you’ll find that there’s people who think you’re cool, and sometimes connections take time. 🙂 I just went to a party last weekend, and everyone was asking about my writing – especially the boys 😉 So, take the wonderful things about being an INFP and use those as interest points in a conversation. Guys seem to have a thing for the quiet writer types because they’re intriguing. You would be surprised. But just don’t let them fool you into thinking they’re into you until they prove themselves. I find I trust people too soon – and you likely do, too. Guarding your heart is so key, and I hope that you can avoid a lot of the hurts I have.
    People do crave human closeness and companionship. You’re right, we do have to enter death alone, and we will be alone in death, but I think actually that INFPs especially need a special person to have their back as we do life. You’re still young, so maybe placing more of an emphasis on your goals and career aspirations is best for now, and try to put off romance as long as possible unless someone shows up and proves to you that he’s worthy of you. ❤ We really can be the best lovers when given the chance.
    Take care of yourself, and give yourself time, but maybe start by hanging out with a friend or joining a group that does something fun. Baby steps. 🙂

  15. Hey what’s sup! Omg I 110% relate to what you are saying I’m a 22 years old INFP male. I discovered about this personality quiz two months ago and for once I saw that I wasn’t alone. Since I was a kid I was seen as the dreamer, the guy who always drew of his imaginary world and believed in them, growing up and waking up in this crude reality sucked, it’s like it killed a part of me knowing that this world wasn’t as magical as I thought it was, but inside of me, I live in my own perfect world (INFP will understand), so in High school I basically never fitted. I didn’t want to follow the norm (smoking, drinking, etc) I always wanted to stay true to myself. The big part with me is that I can feel people feelings so well (like most INFP) sometime when I see a bad news (murder, massacre, sad stuff) I will exactly relate to that situation and it will emotionally hurt me so much that it’s like I can feel all the pain and sadness in the world, on the other hand this helps me create (because I’m an artist) like most INFP. Being a male, I always hide my emotional side in front of the other bros, they won’t understand me, too different. Anyway I’m glad I finally fit somewhere lol I really thought I was odd and alone. Being an INFP comes with blessings too, I’m glad I’m one and I really wound’t like to see the world any differently than how I see it, I have a deep connection with myself and the universe, I’m calm with all and work on making a change in this world and for me this is everything. 🙂

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  17. I cried reading your post. When i was thirteen i started writing about a world that i only belonged to, a perfect place for which i was just waiting to go, i tried to share this with people, i would just get mocked about it and i felt like they were crushing my soul, that i just exposed who i was and that world just spitted at it, i feel hopeless sometimes that my unrealistic dreams will probably never come true,i feel hopeless that i dream of a perfect place and i won’t ever find it, i never understood why there wasn’t almost anybody who i could relate to, only now when i’m almost turning 20 that i am starting to understand who i am by reading these articles by dreamers, by reading their experiences, so thank you. I wish you a truly happy existence. And sorry if this is cheesy and sorry for my bad english, as it is not my first language.

    • No, your English is absolutely fine. Your comment was truly touching. Thank you so much for writing this. We are all dreaming of perfection, I think, all wanting to return from the perfect place from whence we came, only some of us feel it more keenly than others. I want you to find joy and magic in whatever you do or see, and do things that make you happy. I wish you a happy existence also – it’s tough, it’s bleak, but we are not powerless, and create our own little pockets of happiness.

  18. Hey guys, I’m a 24 year old INFP male. First time I found out about personality types and that I am an INFP, I freaking cried because I finally felt like I’m not alone in the world. 🙂 Being an infp is tough, I’m going through a really hard time right now, just exhausted emotionally and things just keep coming at me. 🙂 But that’s life, you just have to keep going, I guess. Other people just don’t realize what’s going on inside of me, not even my parents and I think the only way for us INFPs to feel healthy and to have happy and fullfiling lives is to try and create some kind of art. Which I haven’t even tried yet, even if I have dreams of writing something big like Tolkien, or being an amazing musician but I’ll get around to it. 🙂 I feel like I’m missing just that one girl who’ll understand and truly care to really start living and fighting to make my dreams cone true.. but it’s hard for an infp to find that one person eh? 🙂

    • It is. And perhaps we will never find it. But, personally, I would rather not find him or her rather than settle with the wrong person. Believe in yourself when it comes to writing, okay? Believe in yourself and your dreams. And then take action. 🙂

  19. Hi Dreamer,
    Reading your post, it feels like it could have been written by me because you captured the sense of alienation perfectly. It’s that moment when you’re surrounded by people laughing and you feel oddly alone and empty because you don’t know how to relate. Sometimes I’d go on auto-pilot and give the generic responses that I was expected to. I used to dislike trivialities and small talk because I wanted to truly connect with someone on a deeper level. God, how I wanted to look at the stars with them… ask about pivotal experiences in their life and the future of humans!

    As an adolescent, this isolation contributed to my depression and even avoidance of social situations. I enjoyed the sense of melancholy and time to myself, drawn to beautiful, quiet things that others did not enjoy. I don’t know how old you are or your history. I am 21 years old and have a finance degree. Both of my parents did finance and in a way, I felt obligated to go to college and get a useful degree. (Not liberal arts because low pay-off when university is so expensive in America) I absolutely hate finance because I learned about the corruption of modern banking institutions in a set-up meant to keep the common man on a hamster wheel. I cannot in good moral conscience propagate such a base system. I find it incredibly sad that humans dedicate their sweat, labor, and time to making “money”. Money has no intrinsic value. They are only values input into a computer at the US Federal Reserve.

    However, as a recent graduate, I will have to work in the corporate world in a field of business in order to sustain myself and become fully self-sufficient. Unfortunately, INFP’s are not exactly cut out for the modern day workplace. Will it be miserable? Absolutely. On the side, I’m writing a sci-fi novel at the moment set in the future. Writing is my bliss. I could be a freelance writer but I will have to build up until I reach the place where I can make a respectable living. So, until then, I will bite the bullet. I won’t work a second longer than I have to because I believe that all human beings deserve happiness. Human beings are not slaves or automatons meant to benefit a global economy. We are so much more.

    • You took every single word right out of my mouth; it’s as if you peered into my heart and read every stitch of muscle, every vein. The modern economic system is but a form of slavery hidden behind banknotes. I wish you all the best in becoming self-sufficient (I am 18, and still living at home due to psychological issues) and I understand perfectly your desire to become a freelance writer and fulfil your literary and creative urges on the side. Please. Take care. I understood you so deeply it is almost impossible to put it into words; I feel as though you are me – isn’t that strange? But, even though I am three years younger than you are, and probably have less experience in the world, I would advise you, perhaps (only if it’s possible, you understand; if not taking the finance job means you’ll be homeless, you should take it) not to go into finance, or, at the very least, try and find a job in finance that allows you to inject some kindness into the system so that it fulfils you on some level. Life is too short for you to spend hours in tasks you do not enjoy, in an office that stifles your soul. You writing, I can tell, just from your comment, is beautiful, and I am sure that you will find success in pursuing it. Some days, I feel sad for not being able to hold down a job or study at a physical school (I am studying online at the moment while I’m trying to build a career as a freelance writer as well, while my ultimate dream is to write creative fiction full-time) due to mental problems, but in the end, as long as you are not starving and homeless, live a life that makes every second a quiet spark of joy. Please. Be well, take care. Lots of love.

      • God, it’s so strange but I feel like you and I would have been the best of friends had we, in some alt. universe, grown up in the same vicinity. I fully appreciate your advice and believe me, I want to follow my passion. Perhaps I can work at a non-profit instead of a massive investment bank. Unfortunately, ideals can have their trade offs as I learned when my father and mother divorced when I was fifteen and he went to prison. My mother raised my brother and I on her own, single-handedly putting me through university. Finance goes against my very soul, as I’m sure it does not suit the typical INFP. Honestly, I did it as an act of love for her. Every class, every interview, I suffered through–I loved her so much that I would sacrifice. Her spine is bent from slouching at a desk everyday and she comes home late. I want nothing more than to make six figures, see her retire and go on the vacation of her dreams.

        I absolutely hate that the world that we live in requires you to sacrifice your happiness and mental well-being to punch the clock. And for what? To barely scrape by and help one’s family have food on the table. Quite frankly, the notion is degrading and even immoral! In my lifetime, I want to discover meaning. My life does not revolve around mass consumerism. There’s no life without freedom. Your later posts really made me freeze when I read about the homeless situation. It must be terrible feeling helpless, especially with health issues. Sadly, the writing market is competitive especially on some freelancing sites. I get the impression that you are doing all that you can to help your family and I respect that immensely. In a way, I know why I value earning more flimsy trash bills. It’s not enough to lift myself, but I want to be empowered to lift others. I want to make enough to donate substantially to your family as well as mine; nothing would give me more joy. I can’t right now but one day. You, as well. Take care, dreamer. ^_^

      • Take care, too, dreamer. I relate to your sorrow – I hate myself sometimes for not being able to help my mother more, as she, too, comes home tired from work with severe back pain, and she, too, was divorced and left to struggle on her own with three children. And I’m old enough to work and I can’t help her, and it is excruciating, so I’m working as hard as I can with my writing and doing my best to try and help her with the finances. I feel as if we understand each other, on so many levels. Gosh, it’s so, so lovely to meet you, I almost feel teary. Take care. Do take care. You inspired me to a write a piece which I am going to post right now.

    • Mira,

      you have no idea how glad i am to read this comment. this is exactly how i feel about getting a stable job, income, money money money. it is so exhausting to try and explain this to people, feels like a giant trap everyone pretends to find completely normal… and anyone who doesnt conform (or simply questions this system) is lazy, god.

      im 19 and am currently studying the last year of my bachelor in communication, which i hate. it mostly covers marketing, pr, … everything i despise. nobody seems to understand how much my soul gets crushed. i am in a bit of an existential breakdown tbh.

      however, i could do a masters in political science after this year (oh also, im not in the usa so it doesnt cost me 34 livers to get an education) which is a degree that does interest me very much. and i would go into the ngo world afterwards. but still, right now i am torn. i just can’t find the willpower in me to put effort into my classes. (actually, i should be working on a group assignment right now, but, soul searching is just nicer)

      what i would really want to do in life though is to live off making music. i try, but all my energy gets sucked up into university. music is my big passion, and sometimes i just think “down with all this nonsense, im quitting uni and i’ll get some part time job just to get enough money to survive, and just play music, make it work”

      ok, sorry if this post is a bit of a mess, and if my english isnt perfect blabla. one last thing, i would want to reply on every comment here! i relate so much to every single person here, makes me happy 🙂

      – much love to you all

  20. Hey there 🙂
    I nearly cried while reading your article because everything is so relatable and now I’m not feeling like a stranger in this world anymore. Thanks for letting me know there are others like me out there.
    When I try to tell certain People, e.g. my parents, how I feel and start talking about some deep stuff like the meaning of life and existence, they tell me not to dramatize everything and stop being a complicated thinker. I feel like everyone goes through life with ease and joy, while I’m just sitting in my room thinking and exploring the world, it’s People and it’s meaning.
    I even start thinking they are right. I mean, what’s the use of always dreaming my life and being not willing to see the reality?
    I just don’t know anymore who is right and who is wrong, or if there even is something as “right and wrong”.

    I have a big Problem with nowadays’ Society. It’s that everyone has to function, that everybody has to act as it’s expected from the Society he lives in. In my opinion this is far away from real freedom. That’s what I’m struggling with every day. I just don’t want to be a toy in the governments Hands, a small part of the functioning organism of Society. I would give everything just to have the Chance to really inspire People, to touch them deep in their hearts. My mind is ruled by the desire to Change, to improve something.

    Okay I notice this is going into a very deep Topic again, I better stop before I write too much. It felt so good to share my thoughts with some People I don’t have to be afraid to be refused.

    (btw I seriously hope you understand everything I wrote because english is not my first language xD)

    • I do, your English is absolutely fine. And I feel what you are saying – unfortunately, I know all too well your struggle. Although I don’t have any solutions, the best thing to do is to engage in activities personally fulfilling for you, to distract yourself from all the bindings of society and gain a sort of personal freedom.

  21. I could have written this. Word. For. Word. I wish I would have had this insight to myself when I was younger. Being a female, almost in her 40’s, I am just now learning who I am and stripping away the façade I have outwardly projected since my early teens. I’ve been tormented by this my whole life because I did not fit into that neat little package society deems as “normal”. Being me is okay…I like me.

  22. I’ve been like this since I was a kid… A kid that couldn’t find friends…when I was on second grade in High school, I was so humiliated & banished by other girls so the depression sat in my thoughts & I attempted suicide unsuccessfully …..
    I changed my school…I’m a senior…
    last year after meeting new people in the new school and knowing that , at least,they kinda have a same taste in Music & movies with me, I thought maybe my forever-loneliness is finally over…
    but as you said they still had nothing more in common with me… when I opened my mouth and spoke my opinion of Life,Death,Love &….. , They asked me to stop…
    But I used to tell myself that I should respect people and stop expecting them to be all like me…
    They seemed better comparing to my former classmates….
    BTW,A year passed & I thought I am happy and I’m kinda normal finally…
    but I was totally wrong.,..
    Right today, after going for one of my classmate’s birthday party( the one who I thought can understand me !!!) , Again I was the girl sitting alone ….
    I can never be lie them… I truly felt like an alien tonight! They were all dancing and joking & I couldn’t laugh at their bizarre jokes because I didn’t find them funny…
    So, after a year, I came back to my former life…
    And I finally have to accept it that I’m a loner and that’s never gonna change…
    I live in a fictional world inside my head & I can never relate to reality…I live with fictional characters & imaginary friends…
    .I right a song after watching my favorite fictional character die… ( Like the song I wrote after watching “THE NORMAL HEART” after Felix died…”
    I write poems and stories and the only thing that can scream my feelings is my guitar & my best friend is Kurt Cobain… I talk to him!
    It does not feel good to be like a total alien in a place full of people…
    And the only thing that can comfort me & make me feel better about who I am , is reading other INFP’s views of being an INFP….
    So think you for your beautiful & honest writing….you made feel the hope of finding someone like myself, someday…
    You made me feel that I’m not all alone…that I’m not a weirdo….

    • Hey BTW I’m sorry because I wrote foolishly :))
      In 24th line I should have written ‘Write” instead of “Right”… I was distracted… And some alphabets haven’t been typed… I don’t know why…
      Line 18 — Lie: Like 🙂
      Line 31— Think: Thank 🙂

      Thank you again :))

      • Aw, you weren’t being foolish! I do that sort of thing all the time, and I beat myself up immensely for it, too. I understand how you feel! It’s okay to make mistakes. I should tell myself that more often. ❤

  23. Hey, I’m an INFP female and I’m 15 years old. I’m a sophomore in highschool. I’ve known I was an INFP for about 5 months now and I have found comfort in knowing that there are other people like me. I love reading about other INFPs’ life stories and struggles because I can relate so much. I’ve always been an old soul. I feel like a wise and kind 90-year old woman inside but at the same time I have an extremely childish side in me honestly. I think so differently and it’s really significant for me right now, especially that I’m a teenager because I am one of the rare few teenagers that isn’t fake, superficial, or talks about banal and insignificant things like the latest trends and whatnot. For example, everyone has smartphones and I desperately want a Nokia 3310 with a nice case and some phone charms, by CHOICE. I don’t see the appeal in smartphones, I think they’re not that good and they’re only helping to turn humans into robots who don’t seem to look up from their screen. I hate people who are fake and mainstream, basically 90% of the students in my school. My favorite conversation topics are the deep things, like you said, death, life after death, the world issues, our lives on earth, the soul, etc… I believe in God and I hope with every bit of me that there is a heaven and that I get to go there when I die. Heaven would be a blessing for an INFP. Food, time to dream, beautiful paradise, everything that I could possibly want (not objects) just nature and mountains and caves and clouds where I can go on adventures and sing to God and sing to myself and hug my family and stare into the stars…. The other day I had a dream about me dying and that I had gone to heaven and it was just paradise, like a second earth but with no worries, just a beautiful pure nature where I could walk and lay in the grass and just… I’m ranting i know. I woke up and cried because it’s scary to think about death, and what if there isn’t a heaven? I REALLY hope with my very heart that there is a heaven and I do believe in God but there’s always that part of me questioning it all..This doesn’t mean I want to die now, it just means that I want to accomplish a mission here on Earth, to inspire people, achieve enlightenment and do something I truly love, and when I do die, I want to go to heaven and be with God and the people I love in a beautiful utopia. The other day I was in art class, and the class is in group tables so when I sat with these 2 boys and 2 girls in the table, I was nervous and awkward at first in the beginning of the year but the group slowly started becoming friends and now it’s mid year and we have a good time talking to each other because they are so amazing. They’re weird and fun and are willing to talk about the deep things. They’re probably not INFPs but they are definitely intellectuals I think… Anyways the teacher wasn’t there that day, and a staff member just let us be in the room, checking in on us once in the while.. we sit in the back corner table and everyone was talking loudly so no one really notices us. My friend Ali grabs some pastels and a sheet of paper and starts rubbing them on the paper to release the colored pastel dust (XD) and he puts his hand on it and tells us, “LOOK how awesome it is.” soon enough we all get into it (except my friend Kelly, she chastises us when we do childish things but she’s secretly crazy too and looks on with a teeny-tiny smile unnoticed except by me) and we all stare at our brightly colored hands and smiling and laughing and looking at the color in awe and high-fiving each other… Truly CHILDISH lol, but we didn’t care, it was awesome.. this girl sitting at a table near us stared at us in utter repulsion and disgust and none of my friends noticed or gave a fuck about her stares.. i glanced at her and did feel embarrassed and shocked by her hateful look but something in me told me to ignore her and just appreciate the moment and appreciate my weirdness. we cleaned up afterwards and gave each our final handshakes with our dusty colored hands. and that was categorized on my mental shelf of awesome moments. It’s HARD being an INFP, but I love it at the same time. I WOULD rather be an INFP than a logical type that meanders his/her life without questioning the deep things and having fun… haha and my little sister is an ESFJ (the things I’ve gone through..) sorry i wrote so much.

  24. Oh,I’ve cried while reading your article not because of being shallow,but truly I feel I’m in deep with those words on your post that convey likely on what an awkward situation I have in my life. =)
    I am so glad that I’d found your work of expression,that seems a mirror of me. 🙂

  25. Thank you for this post. It was like someone went inside my head and wrote all the things I was feeling down into words. Sometimes it is a true gift to know that someone understands and that we are not alone.

  26. Thank you. Thank you do much for this post. I have been struggling to put words to why I find it so difficult around other people and you have articulated it perfectly. And I am so happy I found this because for ages (even though I logically knew it wasn’t) I felt like it was just me, that there was something wrong with me. I have always felt like there is a big red flag above my head with the words ‘WEIRD GIRL’ printed on them, sending people running. If only we INFPs could easily sniff each other out and not be alone in this weird world.

    • “Sniff each other out”! Ha, I love that; the weirdness and quirkiness of it suits us perfectly. I am so glad my words helped you, no matter how small. Take care, and keep your head up, for so many of us suffer alongside you, in silent heartache.

  27. This essay could have just as easily been written by myself…you’ve echoed my thoughts exactly. Sadly, being an INFP has only gotten more difficult the older I get, with each passing year. Well done, and VERY well written. Thank you.

  28. I truly love what you’ve written here and I understand. I’ve never really taken my personality type into consideration when it comes to my feelings and ambitions funnily enough. I’m only 16 and on my last year of high-school but I feel so trapped and just want to get out. I don’t really know what I want to get out of, but I just feel like I’m being suffocated or trapped or just something like that…
    I generally console with myself about feelings like this, but recently I just feel like I need something or someone more. When I’m really sad or angry I escape into my imagination of a never ending forest and a house with a bedroom and just freedom to do anything. Making up imaginary places to deal with my problems isn’t really a good thing of course but it helps me to feel more calm and safe so I can figure out how to deal with the situation inside.
    Sorry if this didn’t make much sense, I need to get some sleep ’cause school and all that. Thanks though.

  29. I am an INFP as well and I understand your pain and I wished it were a little easier, being an INFP. But we INFPs just have to march on with all of our thoughts buzzing in our heads. Thank you for writing this, thank you so much. Glad we are on the same page, it was never easy, never have been and never will be, since the day I started pre-school, I knew I was different and i bet you felt it too.

  30. I am an INFP as well and you took the words right out of my mind. I wished it were easier, being an INFP but it never was and it never will be. Feeling “different” starts early on and it never ever goes away. INFPs ponder about things that seems alien and its hard sometimes, so many thoughts weighing heavily on our chests. Thank you for writing this, its perfect, it really is. It has given me some peace, knowing that all the INFPs out there are all so painfully isolated. I hope you have a great day today, and remember that another INFP from half way round the world cares and understand that maybe people just don’t want to talk about the universe or how frustrating it is to be an INFP. 🙂

  31. Most of what you wrote is true. But not everything. Not the “sad” part. It’s not like you have to be happy-go-lucky but also being different and asking hard questions are not things to be ashamed of or something. I grew to be proud that I ask those questions. I also grew to understand people don’t want to hear them. It’s not like they are not interested or not aware. They are just more cowards than INFPs. And then they pretend to be strong, but inside they are like: Oh my glob! This person is right! What to do? Maybe… Maybe I’ll just talk about somethig else instead or laugh like stupid?

    People want you to belive you are weak, because they are afraid your power. Like little predators chasing giant buffalo.

    • Icompetely agree with you: sometimes, asking the big questions are what make a nice, thoughtful person, instead of someone who blunders through life without thinking. Let us keep being ourselves, no matter how other people may view us. :)

  32. I feel the same! sometimes I just feel so lonely I feel like crying. It’s like I’m searching for something, someone that will pull me out of this bottomless pit. It’s hard when people tell me to stop introverting, it hurts me, because they say it like it’s something negative. I crave for meaningful conversations, I crave for someone to enlighten me, teach me, guide me through life and the things I’m going through. When I get hurt it’s so difficult to let go. I am really getting tired of it. I cannot tolerate other people’s nonsensical conversations, constant complaining about everything, their nonstop talk about their love life, gossiping. I just keep quiet and laugh a little, or a more. I read self help articles. I watch motivational videos. I wanted to change myself so much to be the positive, happy person that every mentor teaches their students but at the end of the day I am still the same. One minute I’m so positive, the next I am crumbling down. ):

    • I think what you are doing so far--reading self-help articles and motivational videos--is absolutely great, and I wish you all the best in life. Hang in there, because the ups are much better than the downs. <3

  33. Please don’t apologise, this was amazing, and just so accurate and true. When people tell me to just smile it’s like they tell me to stop feeling, and it’s probably one of the most frustrating things to be told. Thank you for this, it’s nice to feel understood ♥

    • Aw, thank you for your kind words, and thank you for reading. <3

  34. It is amazing to read all of these responses from other INFPs, only to wonder if there are any close enough to connect to…. Perhaps we should wear buttons: Hello, I’m an INFP and I don’t feel like I belong….

  35. I am INFP too I feel the same way about money I don’t fell like aww when I see BMW or Audi I don’t understand why people want it so much I don’t understand what is so good in showing off and all other things . From my childhood I always feel like I am an outsider the children around me want to talk about things like sex girls boobs but I don’t know why I never feel inclined towards it and I on the other hand always want to talk about faith of humanity where we are going and that’s why I never have a best friend. So to mixup with whole crowd I become kind of weird I started to talk like other guys like about sex and all that thing and I would feel guilty doing it because all people go for is looks these days nobody want to know the real person nobody wants to find out what life is too ugly and weirdos My point is from my childhood I want to talk to someone about things like what writer meant by those things in the story what is the moral of the story and all these stuff but what my parents look in my childhood is low marks in my report card and now I want to talk to anyone who is infp because I can’t find anyone around me . Anyone out there please talk to me because people around me can’t understand what I am feeling.

    • I know exactly how you feel and I think you should be happy with teh way you are, because who you are, an INFp misfit who doesn't fit in, is already perfect. :)

  36. Thanks for your post! I am an INFP male, it is surprising how much of my own thinking I can see reflected in your post.
    I feel sometimes depressed when thinking about the materialistic society. I can’t understand how some people can be so hollow and fake, always wearing a ‘mask’ of fakeness (I value honesty and integrity highly in myself and others). I can’t understand how people live without ideals and a set of morals to live up to.
    It depresses me how society takes ideals and the best qualities of humanity and laughs at them or drags them into the mud.
    But still, and more important, I am still an optimist, because although I speak of society as a whole, I have known other people, good people, which convinces me that striving to be better and live by my ideals is worthy and possible.
    I am sure you can find people like that in your life too. I also hope knowing that other people feels like you could help you as it has helped me (loneliness is my worst enemy too)

    • Thank you for your kind words, truly, and I agree, I will find people who udnderstand me to spend my life with eventually. It's just take time. :)

  37. Thanks for writing this, in particular for the honesty. I can relate to pretty much all of it.

    I am an INFP male who just turned 30, and to be completely honest I am starting to really worry for my future. I think in my 20s despite all the struggles I still had the belief that one day it would just all work out, that I would get a lucky break here or there or get over certain things and eventually find myself, but it really just hasn’t happened. I have become very alone, isolated, and withdrawn, and really lost my faith in people and the world in general. I don’t only feel disconnected from others, but also that other people actually dislike my nature, even literally hate it sometimes. My social interactions are just painfully awkward. Based on what I read online I often think even for an INFP I am an outlier.

    At present I only have a part-time job and even that feels like too much on a lot of days. I am able to just cover my bills but that’s about it. I struggle with low energy levels and insomnia, and find myself battling depression based on my growing feeling of isolation even while at work.

    I long for some companionship but without really having my life together (and totally not seeing where that would come from, either), I have almost come to accept that I will stay alone. And that has caused me a lot of despair.

    Sorry for the overly negative tone but that’s how it is. It truly is hard being an INFP.

    • Yes, I feel exactly the same way.Because I am overly shy and quiet, and awkward, I feel as though I will never find someone. Maybe we can be lonely together, us INFPs. :)

  38. Well I glad I’m not the only one suffering these things. I’m between ENFP and INFP but more into INFP when I entered college. I had depression before because of my turbulent type, being self critism, I care way too much, its hurt so much, I feel something that I don’t want to. I’m not proud be a healer, being rare, being different. People said its okay being different, but their act is not okay. The disgusted face, I know so well even I just met them. I talk to my counselor, she acts like she cares about me, listen to my story but she doesn’t even get what I actually saying. She give me the look that what the heck this matter disturb me so much? Its just a small matter. My friends made grossed face, weird look when I voice things that looks small matter to them. Well its can’t be helped that I’m INFP and over sensitive person. I’m sorry I feel way too much. Things went even worse when I tend to lock myself when I have problem. I cut all the contacts. I scared people giving me the look that I don’t want to see. I don’t want people to sympathy my stupid problems. I feel calm living in shadow where people don’t mind anything I do but they’re won’t leave me alone. May be I should tell them I like being all alone. haha. But I actually tired seeing things that most people can’t see. I care about them but they’re reaction really disappointed me even they don’t said it. I won’t get hurt by words but the tune, gestures, reaction and expression can hurt me. Its like I can read it even I don’t want to. I’m appreciate art and I love it so much. I can see and feel the paintings, colors, textures, patterns, and shapes. Its crazy. This make me even more weird. But I think the craziest thing being INFP that you could ‘feel’ the feeling that you never had. Being the one could feel anything, and care about everything but people around you are not the same as you, and judge you are the worst. 😢

    • I completely agree with everything you just wrote. I truly believe INFPs belong together, and I am honoured to meet a fellow INFP such as yourself. 

  39. Thank you so much, dear. I was suffocating in my train of thoughts and there I came across your article. It’s a breathe of air for an INFP, myself too. I may not have known you but it certainly felt we were buddies via this article. Torment, you say, and I totally agree. Always wanting to break down that barrier with people but it’s so difficult. I’ve tried but I always end up clamming up, from the bad experiences I’ve had. Be it their shallow thoughts or etc. However, time passes, I’ve grown more with more ability to control my emotional fluctuations..

    Thankful for your posts. 🙂

    • Thank you very much for your kind words. And thank you for reading. :)

  40. Hello! I stumbled onto your blog and was so amazed (and somewhat happy) that someone feels exactly the same way I do too. I had really similar experiences including reading people quite well and I never understood why some people were really popular when they’re just really shallow and fake. It bothered me a lot in high school — other people would say I was mean when I avoided a particular person I disliked but later some other people realised it too and I guess it was consolation to me that people understood or begin to see things the way I did. But when people don’t, it’s really isolating and try hard as I may, I couldn’t force myself to pretend I liked someone when I didn’t.

    Now I’m hitting 30 in a few months and I honestly don’t know if it gets better. I found that pouring myself into creative endeavors, doing volunteer work, being in nature really helped me but unfortunately I have been ill for a while and while it isn’t something life threatening (at some point it was but not now) and eventually I’d get better, it limits my energy and I’m always in some form of physical pain, so creative works and the likes are more of a pain to pursue now. Unfortunately I still have to work because I am tied to a company which paid for my education and it’s conflicting because I don’t believe in the value of work for work’s sake. I’m in the tech industry (perhaps a bit unusual for an INFP but I really like math/reasoning/science and the likes) and while I think we could do a lot of good things in the world with tech (even though some part of me hates tech too cos it changes the way people communicate — i hate it when people use their phones all the time when they’re talking in real life to other people as well) like self-driving cars, automation to free people of pointless labor. My company, being a company is just trying to find potential ways to make money and that makes me really sad. Sometimes I feel like I have to force myself to work and it’s sucking my soul dry.

    I have friends and some of them kind of understand me, but most of them don’t. I don’t see the appeal of status, power or money and I never understand why people are awed by someone, I only feel so if that person is exceptionally kind and loving, so my yardstick is really different, and it feels so isolating. Everyday I feel like I am slowly dying inside and I’ve considered suicide a lot because I just don’t fit in and feel so lonely. I guess trying to appear cheerful so that the people around me don’t feel burdened by me being ill also doesn’t help with my feelings of loneliness. But I keep telling myself that surely someone out there, in this vast sea of people feel the same way as I do? And yes, reading your post really helped (and the many comments from other people) remind me I’m not alone.

    Thank you so much for your post!

    • Please don’t kill yourself, it’s entirely not worth it, and I sincerely hope you have recovered well from your illness, which sounds as if it really sucked the life out of you for a little bit. I know exactly how you feel–in fact, a suicidal episode was partly the reason why I stopped posting for such a long time. I hope everthing goes well for you and I'm really sorry your job is so tiring and hard to bear. Hang in there, fellow dreamer. <3

  41. i cannot even describe how happy i am right now when i have read this. because sometimes i seriously feel so lonely, like i am the only person in the whole wide world with weird-ass thoughts and emotions too deep for the biggest black hole to swallow. i often get very very anxious, alone or with people, because i have this invisible rope tightening around my chest and kind of isolating me from reality and other people, external world. but then i read something like this, and remember there are others just like me. other hopeless dreamers and idealists who always seek the best solution for everyone, even if it’s horribly impractical or completely mad. others who can get lost in a book, in a painting or a beautiful scenery.

  42. This was, probably, the best, most insightful thing I’ve read in awhile :’) (I am crying on the inside because of the understanding I just felt from what you wrote). I’m an INFP and life really IS hard… I’m trying to date because I am insanely romantic at heart (but have never been in a *relationship*) and because I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life but I know I’m being judged for how I don’t have more close friends…etc.

    And I don’t feel understood by the guy I have a crush on 😦 It’s all so complicated, complex and confusing. But just that you said you feel like an alien… oh my goodness – I hope you’ll believe me – I was thinking that exact thought a matter of hours ago!!! :’) I can’t even believe the validation I’ve just gained from your post… seriously, I’m speechless! Thank you so much for writing something that you thought might be boring/pointless. It’s extremely far from that in my eyes ❤

  43. omg i love this. i’m an INFP and i can relate to almost everything. i find it impossible to make good friends and it’s so hard to be happy and have a meaningful life. because of that, i suffered from depression last year and am still recovering and trying to find ways to make myself less depressed. but it’s so fucking hard sometimes i’m just so sick of it. i even made a suicidal plan, fortunately someone close to me talked me out of it, but seriously. i hate the world this is so hard why did God make INFP’s like i love myself but i hate myself at the same time does that make sense.

    thanks so much for writing this wish i could meet you in person. wish i could meet another INFP in person but i don’t even know if two INFP’s would click together TBH cause we’re such complicated people.

    • I completely agree! INFPS belong together! And funny you should talk about suicidal thoughts—that’s one of the reasons why I had such a long break from this blog, and I will be writing about it in my next post. I hope you are no longer feeling that way, because I know it’s a terrible place to be.

  44. So I just found this and read it out of curiosity (I’m also a flaming INFP) and ngl… it made me cry haha I know this feeling so much. Basically my entire life, I’ve always felt really…different and like I’m just on a whole other plane of existence than the people around me. Like I’m walking in a slightly alternate universe overlapping the real world and no one else around me can see it. Sometimes it’s a blessing because over top of all the mundane of life, in this alternate universe, emotions have colors, fitting music is always playing, colors are more vivid and there is a pseudo-synesthesia that is so fantastical and captivating, it leaves me wonderstruck. Then other times it’s a curse because… it’s simply just lonely. No one else seems to be able to see the things of this world in quite the same fantastic way and it’s so hard to explain it to others. And if you try to, it just takes too much energy.
    I can’t go anywhere without listening to music. I love to have that catalyst to further isolate me and relocate me into this alternate plane. I don’t know if you know of the music artist Owl City/Adam Young, but while it hasn’t been confirmed, I’m preeeetty sure he’s also an INFP. Just judging by how he writes and how he talks and sees the world. I’m so thankful I had his music when I was going through high school a few years ago(and now even in college!), because I desperately needed something to not just identify with, but something to explain and put into words the way I see the world through my eyes. I think his songs “The Real World”, “Dreams Don’t Turn To Dust” and “Take To The Sky” are the three that really capture how it feels to be an INFP (at least, for me). I think “Alligator Sky(no rap version)” and “Beautiful Times” also capture it well. Honestly any of his music haha

    Anyway, thank you so much for writing this post. Sometimes all I need is just someone else saying what I feel to justify and clarify how it feels and that I’m not alone…being in our heads truly is the bane and blessing of the INFP.

    • You’re very welcome, I feel exactly the same way, like I exist on a plane of reality different from everyone else. I’m so glad my post helped you, thank you for reading. 🙂

  45. I know. What is the meaning? Do we have purpose? These are questions that terrify people and maybe that’s why they don’t want to talk about them. But as INFPs we can’t help it. WE HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT! But that’s not necessarily a bad thing. It means we will find the answer because we will won’t stop thinking about it until we do. DON’T STOP WONDERING! You are who you are for a reason and we are here for a reason and you can find that reason even though the journey to finding it is lonely. It will be worth it.

    • Thank you very much. You might be interested in reading my latest post that I
      m about to write (soon as I finish replying to all these comments) about what I’ve been up to in my life so far. Thanks for reading.:)

  46. I LOVE this so much!! would be lovely if all the INFP’s could live on a beautiful island being creative and taking care of animals and each other…:)

  47. I honestly just cried reading this. I’m an INFP myself and I can relate to all of this so well. Thank you for this article

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