It’s one of those days where every time I write a word I feel like I am squeezing cement out of my fingertips.
Everything I write sounds horrible and banal.
Am I wasting my time? I think to myself. Maybe you have no talent at this craft. Maybe you’re just fooling yourself. Maybe you’ve built up this unrealistic dream of becoming a writer when the materials, the spark, the thoughts, the creativity, are not in you ready to be used to construct the vision. Just because you love reading doesn’t mean you’ll make a good writer.
And once these thoughts start, I fall down an abyss of despair.
Remember that kid at school who wrote all these wondrous stories when creative writing time came round? And how he later on published some of his work and impressed literature professors? My brain says to me. He was a genius. He’ll become the next Ray Bradbury, the next Emily Dickinson. And you? You’ll be left with a shattered fountain pen in your hands, the ink staining your skin, reminding you of your inadequacy compared to writers like him. You’re jealous of other wonderful writers because you think you can’t be as a good as them and that’s pathetic.
Sometimes, I really do want to give up. Ever since I wrote that post about writing and procrastination, I have wrote without fail each and every day, whether I was inspired or not. But today, I was tempted to throw in the towel.
But I can’t. I just can’t. I just have to push on, even though I’m not the greatest writer, think I have no writing talent and my story ideas are insipid and uncreative, that there are other far more talented writers out there and everything I write today should never be read by the eyes of another human because the words and sentences are all so pedestrian it would put them to sleep…
I am going to write. I am going to write today. I am going to write every day. Even if I hate what I am writing, I will write.
Because in the words of the brilliant Ira Glass, I just have to work through a large volume of work.
I just have to fight my way through it.
Have you ever had one of those days where you just hate your writing and nothing seems to be going right?