1. What do you think about true love?
Realist: Often, the true love people talk about is mere passion or lust. Love is more like an affection for another human being that matures over the years like good wine. It is needed to keep two people together long enough for reproduction while allowing them to tolerate each other well into their elderly years.
Idealists: True love is real and lasts forever! Love is one of the ultimate goals in life! It is the pinnacle of the human experience. Once you fall in love, the planets align, the sun smiles down at you all day long and pink butterflies metaphorically shoot out of bushes. You will never get sick of that person and will grow old together, wrinkled and careworn and sitting on the front porch holding hands. You’ll die cradled in each others arms and if your bodies are ever excavated, the skeletons of both of you will be interlocked like puzzle pieces, proving your love to be eternal. *smiles dreamily *
2. What do you hope to achieve in life?
Realist: I want to make a difference, if I can and if it is within my means. Of course, I want to have a good career so I can provide for my family and enjoy the good things in life. I want to be happy. After that, I will donate to charities and be kind and respect all people.
Idealist: Save all the people! End poverty! End suffering! Save all the animals! Stop war forever! Promote world peace! Become a writer and touch a billion other dreamers around the world with my words! I couldn’t give a damn about money! Let’s end discrimination and hatred and then all human beings will live in harmony! Yeahhh!
3. What are your views on death?
Realist: Death is inevitable. It is simply the end of existence, a nothingness. Once you die, you’re just gone. Fertilizer for vegetation. There’s no two ways about it.
Idealists: I do partly agree with that guy over there (points to the austere Realist whose hands are folded neatly in lap and back is ramrod straight), that death is simply a nothingness. But I don’t think you’re ‘just gone’ if you’re died. You’ll live on in the memories of people you touched. You’ll live on in the art you created while you were alive. Your voice will speak through the books you wrote. The effects of your existence will be dissipated across the globe until the end of humanity if you spent your time on Earth well. And that is something truly wonderful…
Realist: (turns to idealist) Frankly, you’re pathetic. You live in your own fantasy world.
Idealists: Frankly, you’re pessimistic. You don’t allow your mind to dream the greatest and most wondrous dream it can ever dream.
Realist: You’re too caught up in airy fairy stuff to execute your dreams and develop them into reality.
Idealist: Well…well, you don’t even have the dreams to execute, so there!
Realist: I do so!
Idealist: (pokes out tongue) Do not!
Interviewer: Please, please! Calm down. The world needs both of you. The world needs the idealists to come up with the ideas and envision a better future for us all, to create the world’s art that keeps the souls of people alive. And the realists are needed for survival – to create the planes, to appropriate resources, to execute plans and bring the dreams of idealists to fruition…don’t you see? You are both more powerful and can effect greater change in the world if you work together.
Realist: I see. Sorry for my outburst.
Idealist: (haughty) Apology accepted.
Realist: You didn’t say sorry.
Idealist: (Looks sheepish) Fine, sorry.
Realist: Apology accepted.
( Long pause in which both the Realist and Idealist look upon each other with mutual complacency. The room settles into a comfortable silence. Suddenly, Idealist stands up and scratches head, facial expression morphing into one of horror.)
Idealist: But I still can’t believe you don’t believe in true love…..! And don’t you dare tell me faeries don’t exist!
(Interviewer tries to claw the Idealist off the Realist before any faces get scratched or any eyeballs blinded)