How To Tell When An INFP Has A Crush On You


I don’t know if I’ve actually explicitly stated before, but I’m an INFP.

If those four letters mean as much to you as hieroglyphics (unless you can comprehend hieroglyphics, in which case, substitute whatever arcane language you are not well-versed in in its place), search ‘Myer-Briggs’  on Google and you’ll know what I mean. The illegible scratches will morph into lucid meaning. Promise.

Okay. INFP. Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling and Perceiving. Basically, this personality type is ‘The Dreamer’. We are essentially the daydreaming pixies of the world who have never found their way out of the garden of fantasyland since childhood. It makes us very employable and practical people, oh, yes, indeed it does. And when it comes to the finer points of life, such as love and well, living in general, we can certainly have a quirky take on things.

So, without further ado, I present to you a few ways you can tell if an INFP has a crush on you. If someone is demonstrating any of the below behaviors towards you and you do not like them, please, be gentle about it. We are soft creatures at heart, no matter how hard and cynical a front we may put up, and bleed easily.

1. We avoid you.

Look. We can be confident. We can be bold. But we’re also highly sensitive and introverted. So when it comes to the business of love, we’re quite touchy and reserved about it. We won’t make the first move, and secretly wish, pray, dream about you approaching us first. It’s just a natural aversion as part of our temperament. Would you touch a live wire? Would you cut your body open and expose your gleaming entrails into the cold air for the vultures to snack on? That’s how it would feel, confessing our love. So, I guess this isn’t really helpful, but if an INFP likes you, she or he probably has barely spoken to you.


This is such a huge sign that we like you, I have to repeat it twice. If there’s that one person who continually avoids your glance, leaves in your presence or ignores you pointedly for no apparent reason, and they often have a spacey look on their faces, it’s probably an INFP who has a heart-splintering crush on you. You know, just trying to drive the point home.

3. We sneak glances at you.

There’s the small matter of us idealizing you from afar. Yeah, we’re kind of fond of doing that with people. So, for us, our brains can shimmer with romantic daydreams if we look, but not touch, metaphorically, if you get what I mean. Let’s not get sexual about this people – dreamers want love, not, well, that.

4. After seeing us sneak not-so-subtle glances at you and finding out that we have a crush on you, you talk to us and find out suddenly our attraction towards you has disappeared.

Whew. That’s a mouthful. See, the thing about ideals is that they are not actually grounded in reality. We’ve spent weeks, months, years, building up a paragon of human excellence based on the glances we have sneaked in your direction. You’re perfect in our minds, enveloped in a corona of heavenly light. But once we talk to you, the illusion disappears, we see your ordinariness and it doesn’t fit in with the fantasy, and, oops, off drops your halo. I know, it’s a big problem, we’re working on it. It’s just so easy for us to fall in love with idea of love than love itself.

I know this probably applies to other personality types, but these behaviors, at least in my experience, are more commonly expressed by INFPs. I’d love to hear any of your strange and wacky behaviors when it comes to love. Ah, c’est la vie. And this is coming from someone who did not speak a single word to her crush, even after she left school, not only because of her avoidant behavior, but also because she didn’t want to shatter the illusion. I wanted to preserve him in my mind in all of his godliness, rather than see him fall with a thump down to earth and transform back into an average human.

Oh, my love life? It’s great. Brilliant. And also non-existent.



31 thoughts on “How To Tell When An INFP Has A Crush On You

  1. For the first time I am not sure I can agree with you as a fellow INFP. Maybe when I was a little younger I used to do the avoidance thing, but now I am not so sure. The one part I can relate to you is the love life being non-existent part 😀

    • Ah, let us be lonely together. I think that was a contradiction. Oh well. Oh, and about the avoidance part. Yeah, I’m still fairly young and deliriously immature, so perhaps in a few more years I’ll be able to pluck up the courage to talk to him, whoever he is, without setting in motion a national emergency – I have a tendency to break parts of my surrounding environment when nervous.

      • You don’t sound immature at all from your writing. And yes it’s a contradiction but at least we aren’t alone in being lonely. Have a good weekend 🙂

    • I find I’m a strange blend of childish naivety and adult gravity. I hope you have a good weekend too. 🙂 Don’t lose heart with the job hunt. Step back and think of the bigger perspective when it comes to life and existence, so you don’t get entangled in the anxiety of it all. Sending starbursts your way (I know, how sentimental can I get?)

      • Haha thanks 🙂 Now I have a strange craving for Starburst the candy :D. Will try and find it over here.

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  3. Ha! You summed up my life with this post.

    I think I finally lose interest once I talk to them because they aren’t who I built up in my head in points 1-3. It’s freaking rare to get to that stage though.

  4. You got me exactly. The only thing is that for me it’s almost a cycle. I had a crush on this one boy three years ago and I’ve already told him I used to like him (over the Internet so I wouldn’t have to actually say anything), and now whenever he does anything the least bit nice I feel this stupid hope building up inside me, and when I really talk to him I see that he’s really rude to me and I get mad, but then somehow I end up thinking sweet things about him again. Ugh!!

    • I know. It’s a constant, gut-wrenching, horrible cycle, sweet one moment, bitter the next. Don’t build your hopes on false bridges. I think if someone truly cared for us, there would be no oscillation, just pure and honest intention.

  5. Hello there. I think I want to be your best friend. Your quirky style of writing intrigued me. I saw so much of myself in your voice. Everything you described is exactly how I am when it comes to a crush. I obsess, dream, fantasize and then dream some more. To be honest, dreaming is part of all the fun. The idea of my crush is something I feast over. I am utterly obsessed with him. To me, he is perfect in every way. We’ve had about 5 small conversations here and there and yet I know we are soul mates. I avoid him like crazy and fantasize about him coming up to me and saying hi. I do know myself and I have intensely studied INFP behaviors and unfortunately know how sometimes the dreamy world can be an illusion. Too often than not I get my hopes up or reality does not live up to senarios I have thought up in my crowded and colorful mind. I want to know him though. I’m dying to know more about him. I just cannot get the umph to make the first move. And yes, maybe a part of me just likes the rose colored idea of him. I could say so much more but I think I will stop there.

  6. How about, when he does talk to you, you get so happy and flustered and freaked out that you literally flee the scene?? Anybody else do that?? Love the blog btw! Long live the dreamers!

    • Yes. Definitely, horribly, yes. I am all flight, and no fight – no talking, even. I just run, in the opposite direction, as fast as the wind, squealing happily on the inside. You know, if you think about it, us dreamers are pretty hilarious.

      • Aha..Man that would be boring…plus I don’t really think relationships exist without cyclical conflict. Based on a few infp’s ive studied, you guys do conflict the opposite it should be handled. “You avoid it.” For all of that though, I think infps are pretty kool because it’s the one type I can never really quite figure out. I usually get drawn to infps because of that enigma aspect. It took me a long time to figure this type out but I just had to think like you guys do which was a mind bend. I think you guys put this hard weight of a dream/imagination of yourselves upon yourselves that you want others to help carry or help you believe. You need people to feel real, but I think you shy away from people becauase you are afraid to find out who you really are. Because people have great sway over your happiness, you hide in your world of imagimation and write to create one where words alone assemble the reality to which you take to. It’s only long down the road that you usually see yourselves and others see you…which is why you guys don’t keep a lot of long term connections.

        It was hard for me to understand because being an intp, im similar, and different/opposite. I want people to tell me who I am, but I realize after a while no one can, and therefore I stay away from people because they dont have the truth, just the version of truth they wanted you/me to believe. I think, once upon a time, I was foolish enough to entrust an infp with the task to see me, and dumb enough to believe I saw her. Such is love and life

      • I know what you mean, about people never showing their true selves, which makes the whole world and everyone in it feel like a lie, even yourself sometimes; and I think you have a brilliant understanding of INFPs, in a way that I myself found enlightening. Long-term connections just aren’t something that exist in my universe, unless they’re over the Internet, in which case minds and hearts are involved, with none of the usual social awkwardness, where you can hide behind a computer and behind your words. Being conflict avoidant is something that I feel ashamed of and hate about myself, but which, frankly, I don’t see changing any time soon. And you’re perfectly right in saying that other people often determine an INFP’s happiness. In recent months I’ve been trying to care less about what people think of me and how they react to me, but it hasn’t been the most successful endeavor, and I soon fall back into old patterns of despair and self-hatred if anyone thinks badly of me. I suppose people do sometimes see us as enigmas. Half the time, I don’t even understand myself; I feel as though there are several different people inside of me, all at the same time, who appear at different moments of the day, with different people. It’s confusing. And painful. But, like you said, c’est la vie. Thank you for sharing. You have a deep insight into the INFP personality.

  7. I tested infp and began to notice that i was introverted. Now I know I need time alone whereas before somehow I got it without being aware I was doing it. Im quite realistic. pragmatic also. but i have my wish to love someone. I had a relationship for 18 yrs but it was idealistic in that I and he were not “in love”, he being an introvert too. so it was easy to be a bit detached, and I always wanted to act for his highest good. I think that is the way to go in relationships. Be ethical and be yur own person. No one owns anyone else. WE all need a bit of space around us to be us.

  8. I’m an INFJ, with 4 INFP friends and I must say I’m pretty sure the guy likes me. His name is David… And I don’t feel the same way about him.. Pretty awkward. Being that I’m scarily good at reading people and their emotions this makes it that much more clear. He avoids me a lot, but I don’t really talk to him that much either so I guess we are kind of friends. What do I say to him of theoretically he asks me out? I will most likely end up saying yes in order not to hurt his feelings. # INFJ problems

    • Oh, excuse me for butting my nose into this, because it seems a very personal issue, but I really do not think it wise for you to accept him when you have no feelings for him. That would not only be doing a disservice to him, but also to yourself. It’s never good to toy with romantic feelings like this, and usually always ends in hurt hearts, probably his rather than yours. As hard as it will probably be, if he does ask you out, the best course of action would be to reject him very considerately, kindly and politely, perhaps even giving the excuse that you’re just not really ready for relationships at the moment or something like that. Not only will you be respecting his feelings by doing this, you will also be respecting your own. Hope this helps. Hope it all works out.

  9. I’m trying to get an infp right now that has a boyfriend. Half the signs on this is that they will avoid you if they like you, and they also seem to avoid you if they dislike you. I am not sure if this infp is avoiding me because of her principles to not cheat on her bf out if she is scared to be direct with me. The sexual connection is real, she came back to my house but ran away after she got comfortable on the bed. I can only see her once a week for school, so I’m relying on text to communicate, but I extrovert feeling, and she doesn’t respond and idk if it’s a good thing or a bad thing. How can I know for sure without reading her face ever so easily?

  10. Yep, you have it exactly right. I’m a 25 year old guy and an INFP and this is how I handle crushes, so yeah, I’m single, always have been.

  11. This is amazing : ) I loved reading this and the comments, though I don’t think my comment will sound as….smart…. I MOSTLY agree witg this. I have been in situations where I liked the character I built for a face I liked but didn’t end up liking who that person actually was. But I’ve been stuck on one guy for more than a year now and only just started to actually get to know him. The thing is… he’s just the way I thought he would be and my perfect imaginary character actually exists. I used to like that I was quiet and observed others from a distance but now I’m a little frustrated I can’t build up the courage to talk to him. I dont want to miss my chance and he’s a senior this year… if he is always with his friends and I avoide him if he’s alone, how are we going to be closer friends?

    • You could try finding a way to speak to him whenever you happen to find him alone. I know a little serendipity comes into play with this, but trust me, if you happen to see him alone at library or hanging about somewhere—then that is your chance to pounce! Well, maybe not as aggressive as “pounce”, but certainly it is an opportunity for you to get to know him better without his friends around. That’s the best I can think of to speak to him without letting his friends get in the way. Let me know how it goes and I hope I was of some help. Thanks for reading and for your kind words. ;)

  12. yo I’m an infp and I just read this and I’ve never related to something this deeply. Also, “Oh, my love life? It’s great. Brilliant. And also non-existent.” This line is brilliant, perfect, and infallible on so many levels. And I couldn’t agree with you the slightest bit more on the “We avoid you” being put on there twice. This is literally perfect. This is an amazing article. Ok, gonna stop gushing.

  13. I stumbled across your article while trying to not only understand different personality types, but specifically INFP because I have recently met one that I am smitten over and trying to understand.
    This article makes a lot of sense especially the avoidance part. However, my question is how do I approach this guy who is clearly into me (he told me he is) without being a typical girl that is needy or thrives off of “give me attention”, but can still respect his space, his mind and all that he is going through? Also, I don’t know if he is just afraid of getting involved with me (because of a heart-breaking past) and thats another reason for the avoidance, or if he is avoiding me to tell me otherwise he is no longer interested in me. I haven’t seen him in a month and have mentioned to make plans since, but it just never happens…please help explaining!!!

    • Hi MBTIGirl—Wow, that’s a pretty tricky situation. I think the best way to deal with these sorts of things is to be straightforward and honest, otherwise they can just drag on forever with no resolution in sight. In other words, you should ask him, as casually as you can, whether he would like to go on a date with you, since feelings are clearly mutual. There’s little in hanging onto someone who doesn’t actively try to build a relationship with you—that'[s my opinion, at least—so try to contact him about it once you can muster up the courage. Good luck. *hugs*

      PS: I recently published my book on my blog—it’s no very good, I’m still an amateur writer—but check it out if you want something quirky to read.

  14. Never have I read a post so true to me. Ahh, that avoidance thing needs to be known. After this guy found out I liked him, he told me he thought I hated him because we never talked. I know it’s partly my fault but I can’t help it. Also, I romanticize everything so if I have a crush on you I’m gonna be writing songs, poems, daydreaming, and talking about you with friends all the time. Heck, I’m still in love with a guy I’ve known for 5 years.

    • I know exactly how you feel! And a guy I liked, I’m pretty sure, thought I disliked him as well because I ignored or avoided him in high school. Don’t worry, I promise time heals all, even if it takes a while, and crushes are things to be remembered fondly.

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