What INFPs Appreciate. Romantically.

my heart

Though I can’t speak for all INFP women, dating and I do not mesh well, to say the least.

My general tactic towards any of that lovey-dovey stuff is to ignore the existence of my object of affection, as if he has been blasted off the face of the Earth by turbo-engine Alien shooters and left only a smoking black hole where he once stood.

I know. I get all the boys.

No, but, seriously. In high school, I pointedly ignored my crush until he thought I hated him. Poor guy. And I have absolutely no idea why I do it. After all, I’ve done scarier things than confess my feelings, like give speeches before hundreds of people (quite terrifying, if you’re an reclusive introvert). But, when it comes to love, my heart meets a brick wall.

So.

These are some ways to get on an INFP’s good terms, romantically. Though I can’t speak for all INFPs, nor all INFP women, well, this is just my point of view, ‘kay? Coming out of my little noggin. Please note, bad attempts at humor may be forthcoming.

1. BEING APPROACHED FIRST. PLEASE.

Oh gosh, that sounded desperate. Well, it’s true. Like I said, I completely ignore anyone I have any feelings for because rejection for INFPs is like a rejection of our entire being, our souls. I remember this one fellow snubbed me once when I tried tentatively to engage him in flirtatious conversation. Let me tell you, that feeling? It’s crushing. So, please, approach us first. Trust me. That INFP is not going to come to you. Just, make the first move, and we will be very friendly, and also very grateful.

2. Weirdness.

I think INFPs are generally a bit weird. I mean, we all are, but INFPs are a little bit more, crazier, if you know what I mean. If you chanced upon me at an inopportune time, you’d probably find me gallivanting around the room in a series of wiggly dance moves, singing a song in my head and having a conversation out loud with an imaginary person just to practice the words before I say them in real life. Must be all that latent creativity and staying-inside-our-heads-too-much business. Either way, if you’re a little weird, too, and are unafraid to show it, chances are INFPs are more likely to notice you, find you more approachable, and appreciate you.

3. Kindness.

Look, I know some women, and men, like the ‘bad boys’, or the ‘bad girls’. They want a bite of the forbidden, exciting fruit. INFPs aren’t like that. We appreciate genuinely kind people. In fact, when we see potential romantic partners open doors for people, help old ladies cross the road, let friends borrow their money, offer words of encouragement, you rocket up on our good list. Hey, all I’m saying is, guys who pet cats and talk to animals make my heart flutter. Just give me a male version of Snow White, and I’ll be happy. Um. Minus the incessant singing, though. That’d get on my nerves.

But, let’s be serious. Let’s stop here. I know what you’re thinking. This is list is frivolous. It’s shallow. Anyone would appreciate these things. Okay. Fine. Let’s dig our fingers into the guts of life, shall we? Twiddle a couple of veins, prod at some squishy organs? Okay. You are asked for it.

THIS. IS. THE. SINGLE. THING. INFPS. WOULD. APPRECIATE. YOU READY?

Many INFPs experience existential depression. Trust me, I checked the internet, and have met other INFPs who have experienced it too, through this blog. So. This is it. This would be kind of like a deal breaker for me, and probably for many INFPs too.

You know what would really seal the deal?

If the love of my life put his hands on my shoulders, looked me in the eyes, and said, with the fullest conviction he could possibly muster, ‘I know. I know how you feel. It’s crazy, how I exist, you exist, and we’re looking into each other’s eyes right now. Life is crazy, death is crazy, existence is crazy, and all the world and the universe is a interstellar loony bin. I don’t understand anything, either. But it’s okay. I’m here now. I’m here now. And we will love each other, we will spend mornings having philosophical rambles about life, we will pet cats until our hands fall off, we will get that little isolated cottage, we will spend evenings reading books by the fireplace, and damn it to hell I don’t care if we’re going to die and our rotted bodies will fade into the wash of time and oblivion, we’re going to laugh and love and scream and live and be happy, you and me, okay?’

That’s what I would appreciate. That’s what an INFP would appreciate.

Ta-da.

*shuffles off into a corner, sniffling*

PS: Having trouble getting images to show up on my actual blog. They show up in the reader, but not on the actual pages. Any pointers? The WordPress publishing format has changed, and, being the technologically inept gal I am, I am befuddled.

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35 thoughts on “What INFPs Appreciate. Romantically.

  1. So so so true! Everything you said! Especially about the existential depression! I was going through that very recently and I didn’t talk to my boyfriend for a whole day and ignored his calls and texts because all of a sudden I thought he didn’t love me and it had all been a lie, but he was so wonderful when I finally gave in and went to see him and he talked me through it with his arms around me and allowed me to cry and ensured me that he obviously does love me and doesn’t ever want me to think that way again. It was exactly what I needed as an INFP to be reassured like that.

  2. “If you chanced upon me at an inopportune time, you’d probably find me gallivanting around the room in a series of wiggly dance moves, singing a song in my head and having a conversation out loud with an imaginary person just to practice the words before I say them in real life.”
    So glad I’m not the only one, I guess this still makes me weird but whatever. I always sometimes imagine myself as a different person, like a director, or a introverted actor like Johnny Depp or someone who organizes extravagant performances for musicians with robots and everything…yeah…
    Thanks for making this blog, there is not a post I don’t like 🙂

    • Thank you 🙂 Really. I swear, every time I go through the comments on my blog, I want to melt into a puddle of gratitude and sweetness and liquid rainbows. They’re all so wonderful. I’m glad you could relate to my weirdness, haha. I do that as well, play different roles, pretend to act as this or that, all from the seclusion of my bedroom. Ah, the joys of being strange 🙂

  3. Oh, quite interesting. I always wondered what INFP women think about the subject of dating. Since this post describes it in a personal stylish INFP point of view, it turned out to be a valuable source of information. Thanks for that. But I’m not so surprise, because I’m also an INFP, and this post partially filled up my expectations. Stereotypes do exist, but human relationships are far more complex if we do consider more parameters. For example, different cultures (languages) and subsequently, habits. Of course, when it comes to a couple, things get straightforward and external factors tends to stretch away the scale of analysis. That’s why I like to read personal notes and writings, instead to rely simply on statistics of demographics and general advice about how to think about knowing a potential mate.

    I have a question, if you may. This site (INFP portrait): http://www.personalitypage.com/html/INFP_rel.html suggest INFPs to try to date with ENFJ or ESFJ. What are your thoughts on this? Personally, I disagree with that. I think that there is no defined formula about how a relationship should go. In fact, I always get wrong my bets when I see divorces in the long run in my neighborhood. It’s not that I have the personality type of all those people available, but my interest in the topic was so intense, that eventually I got the skill of inferring personality types with quite accuracy.

    Thank you.

    • Hello 🙂 Um. In regards in ENFJ or ESFJ…well, I haven’t met any ESFJs myself, but I do know an ENFJ. However, though I was initially attracted to him, upon further acquaintance I found him to be quite brash, unfeeling and far too logical to tolerate my ambiguity and emotionality. So, personally, I wouldn’t put too much on those suggestions. I think you should just follow your heart when choosing someone, regardless of whether their personality is compatible. Thank you for your thought-provoking comment. I might actually write a blog post about this…

  4. Yea not sure what genius came up with this new publisher. I noticed the “featured image” only comes out on the reader. You have to actually insert the picture into the post a la “add media” button found right under the title.

  5. Hey again
    INFP Guy here…and I want to say you’re pretty spot-on, so keep searching

    Here’s what I would do. I would put my hands on her shoulders, look her in the eyes, and say the following with complete seriousness, care, and heartfelt meaning. “You are the most amazing, beautiful person who resonates who you truly are to the rest of the world better than anyone else out there. This world is so beautiful and wonderful and there are infinite possibilities of what an individual could do with his time that I want to do them all. But now that I’ve met you, I want to go through these with you. I want to live, breathe, experience and soak in the world with you by my side and I by yours because you understand and perceive everything in the same way I do. And since we have these same tastes built into us, we’ll find the most enjoyment and beauty out of the same things that we strive to do. Together we’ll make the brief moments we have on this planet worth millions, we’ll influence others to become happier and better versions of themselves, and we’ll be able to get through any hardship which is minor compared to the luck and beauty that your and my existences intertwined together forever. I will never leave your side even if it means giving up my life because that is how much I value us. Not you, not me, but us. Oh, and by the way, not that it needs to be said, but … if anyone out there may be recording my monologue I must end it with an obligatory … I love you.”

    • Oh, that’s lovely!!! Much better than mine! Much less gloomy. I hope you find someone one day worthy of that beautiful, beautiful monologue. I’m sure she, whoever she is, if she’s the right one, will love it. Thank you.

  6. Can you please never stop writing? As a fellow INFP, I periodically experience serious ‘downs’ about my writing. But this was just so beautiful and well-expressed and funny and lyrical and JUST NEVER STOP OKAY. Be brave and courageous! Plus this was increndibly spot on! 🙂

    • Thank you for your kind words! I’m so, so glad you found it relatable in some way. Indeed, I’m currently trying to be braver and more courageous, pushing myself out of my comfort zone each day. I wish you happiness, and lots of sparkles.

  7. Thank you for writing this.

    I’m an INFP male living on the other side of our beautiful planet, and I must say I relate to most of your posts. I crave deep meaningful connections so much and it’s so hard to find fellow INFPs where I live.

    Keep writing, living and loving (:

  8. I melted when I was reading this part. All that hardened exterior just opened up as I read this. If someone said this to me, I’d pretty much be putty.

    “If the love of my life put his hands on my shoulders, looked me in the eyes, and said, with the fullest conviction he could possibly muster, ‘I know. I know how you feel. It’s crazy, how I exist, you exist, and we’re looking into each other’s eyes right now. Life is crazy, death is crazy, existence is crazy, and all the world and the universe is a interstellar loony bin. I don’t understand anything, either. But it’s okay. I’m here now. I’m here now. And we will love each other, we will spend mornings having philosophical rambles about life, we will pet cats until our hands fall off, we will get that little isolated cottage, we will spend evenings reading books by the fireplace, and damn it to hell I don’t care if we’re going to die and our rotted bodies will fade into the wash of time and oblivion, we’re going to laugh and love and scream and live and be happy, you and me, okay?’”

  9. I’m glad I’m not the only one whose got a jukebox in my head. Also I’m glad (in a way) that I’m not the only one who has a bad love life. Apparently she doesn’t like guys because all they want is something that I don’t and that we’re gross. Click, and on with depressing music and daydreaming begins.

  10. This part “Many INFPs experience existential depression” blew my mind cause I didn’t know most of us really agree on that. If my future gf replied with that paragraph I would definitely know she’s the one lol

  11. All so accurate, and the last part was SPOT on, I started falling in love with the imaginary person saying it to me! Loved this!

  12. Hi I’m an INTJ and I’m trying to figure out how INFPs among other personality types work. I did wanna say thank you to the author of the OP for this eye opening post. The depression explains so much about the INFPs I know. I’m hoping to figure out how best to communicate with INFPs and the encouragement both in the post and the comments were both so spot on that I can’t really express it. I did also want to mention that that guy who made fun of you for tentatively flirting with you is a selfish asshole (at least with respect to relationships) who didn’t deserve you in the first place. Don’t pay attention to people like him. Men like him are the minority who ruin the sweet girls for the majority of the guys who are nice and treat women with the utmost care, courtesy, and respect no matter what the circumstances. If a girl flirts with me and I don’t like her, I go along with it, because sometimes hey she turns out really nice. I found that infatuations tend to help strong friendships form, and cross gender friendships are invaluable. You may get a mate out of it but most often you get help when you have issues with whatever romantic partner you happen to be engaged with. It’s a win win situation. So I really really appreciate your post since it helps me understand what makes INFPs tick. You sound like a good friend. I hope you find a romantic partner soon if you haven’t already.

    -Mycroft

    • Thank you very much. No, I’m still very much alone, but since I will be studying soon, and entering an arena filled with others my age, perhaps that will change. Instead, I’ve just been really immersed in writing, and I’ll be publishing a book on my blog after I write this comment, so you can take a look at it if you’d like to see what a certain INFP’s weird imagination looks like.

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