It’s Hard Being An INFP Part 2

Confusion

**If any of you who read my blog or are just stumbling across it are needing any life advice or guidance, especially if you are sensitive, introverted or a dreamer and feels a little lost in this cold world, please send your Skype username to dreamerrambling@hotmail.com. Though I can’t guarantee I can speak with everyone, I will try my best. These sessions will be free, as I’m just going to be practicing my life coaching skills and developing my own techniques and learning how to talk and counsel people. Thank you for helping me practice and taking me a step further on this new little journey of mine, and I hope that I can help you in the process too. Please no spam: it’d be good to send a message along with your username telling me a little about yourself. 🙂 Thanks. Keep dreaming.

First off, I’d just like to say to you, whoever you are, reading this, especially if you’ve commented on my humble little blog where I splash my thoughts and dreams, that I love you. I don’t have much support in my life at the moment, emotionally and financially. Money has been very tight, and I tend to get very stressed about that. I don’t have any friends in real life who truly can understand, nor any family members. But through reading your comments, connecting with people who have read my blog, and just even thinking about other dreamers reading my blog and feeling a warmth flare in their souls, gives me so much strength. You can’t imagine. I wake up, find a sweet, sweet comment, and go around with a smile in my heart. It’s beautiful and wonderful, so thank you, thank you, thank you. I love you. Though I’ve never met you, you might as well be my family. I think all dreamers are related, metaphysically. A grand, family tree of sensitive, introverted people floating in the ether.

This is going to be another post dedicated to all the INFPs of the world. I wrote one previously which many INFPs connected with, so I decided to write another. Frankly, I can always write more about being an INFP. There’s so much…I guess you could say my soul is forever in discordance with the world we live in, and all these little conflicts create lots of writing material.

I do apologise if my writing is pitiful in this post. I’m not trying to make it sound nice, but to get my point across. So, hello, fellow dreamer. I understand you. I really do. Perhaps some of the things I write you won’t be able to relate to, but that’s fine. If even one person can relate, I’m happy. This is going to be an outpouring of my soul, in this moment. From the soul of an INFP. Imagine it like a telepathic conversation. And if you’re ever lonely, disenfranchised, depressed, when you get into one of those moments when you feel so low because the world doesn’t appreciate your eccentric, creative beauty, and only wants to snuff out your delicate soul, then I hope you can come back to this, and imagine it’s me talking to you, and at the end, giving you a big hug. I know how it is. I know how it is like to be you. I really, really do. I’m not trying to sound patronizing. Sure, I don’t know each of your individual experiences, but I’ve had those strange thoughts, felt that social rejection, felt out of place, out of balance, wishing to escape to a world of fluffy clouds and jeweled trees, somewhere safe and soft and warm and quiet and wonderful and filled with nature and magic and books. I KNOW. I really do.

I know that everything I write here will be meaningless, a sort of refined whining into the void. But I’m simply going to be here for you, for you to feel less alone. That is enough. This is simply a post of all you  dreamers, you fragile-skin and lotus-soul creatures, who see the walkways beneath this world and step on clouds to try and get closer to the heavens. This is the cybernetic equivalent of my finger reaching out to touch yours, the tips glowing, and both of us alive and warm and each other. As humans, in an incomprehensible world, living an even more absurd existence.

I am a natural loner. Though I’m sure not all INFPs are loners, I think we have a higher chance of being a loner than other types, with our introversion, propensity for creative endeavors that require hours of solitude. I am convinced that if I were never to see or make contact with another human being in person from today, provided I have an internet connection (so I can write on this blog and watch the movies I like – I’m looking at you, Spirited Away & Amelie), a steady stream of books, writing utensils, and a enough food, money, water, and facilities to be a healthy human being, even if it’s only a single room, I would be fine. More than fine. Happy. Much, much happier than I am now. If you’re a loner, you know that this kind of thinking is strange to the majority of people in this world, but that does not matter. You are you. they are them. That is all.

I haven’t disclosed my real age on this blog before, partly for privacy reasons, partly out of fear. But I think I’m going to now, just to be honest, just so you can get a clearer idea of who I am, and so other people in the world who are my age can feel less alone. Age is a relatable trait. I am sixteen years old. The reason I never disclosed my true age, sometimes even pretending I was in my twenties (I hope you can forgive me for that slight twisting of the truth, it is the only untruth I have ever written on this blog), was because I was so, so frightened of people not taking my concerns seriously, and putting down my personal problems, such as existential depression and distaste for this godforsaken world and its godforsaken people, to mere teenage angst. I was scared of having my concerns reduced to mere trifles to be patronized, because that is what has always happened throughout my life. I was the five year old kid who asked questions about death and made the adults uncomfortable. They patted me on the head and told me not to worry about things. I have been scared of that kind of fake, demeaning comfort ever since. So I really, really hope that this slight revelation will not lesson your opinion of me, dear dreamer. Age is of no consequence. My soul, as you can probably relate, feels as if it’s already lived many lifetimes, though perhaps that is just a romantic fancy of mine. Maybe.

All of life is a maybe, an uncertain question mark hovering in the aether, murky, an evanescent existence of no truth, no solidarity, no angles and curves but only blurred lines. This permanent fog is what we call life, and no matter how many times we glimpse bits of the big picture through parted wisps, we’ll never see it all. Do not try. I have tried. It only strains your eyes, and breaks your heart. Nietzsche said we were born into this world to suffer. As a dreamers, we have suffered for not being ignorant. For facing the harsher realities of existence. And we have been punished for seeing, not beyond the fog, but the fog itself.

I think, as a group, we are tired. I know I am. I do not mind social ostracism, for I have no desire to converse with my peers and teachers at school, any more than pigeon would with a peacock. I do not mean that I feel superior to them, but instead so markedly different that I might as well be a member of another species. However, one of the main reasons I am a loner, and despise socializing, is because it’s dull, and every single person around me, from my family, my teachers, my peers, are intolerably dull. I do not mean they are stupid. Some of them are probably more intelligent than I’ll ever be. I mean they do not see the fog, do not see life, and go about their ideas happy and ignorant, and I am like a woman who has seen death and come back half a corpse, unable to talk with the living. Some people, even very intelligent people, are so narrow-minded it makes me want to throw up when I interact with them, and hide out in a cavern beneath the seas, or hole myself up in a tree trunk in a dense rainforest.

I just thought of a good definition for us dreamers. It’s as if we were all born with a hole in our skull as a result of metaphysical trepanning, and now absorb far more wavelengths than the average teenager, or, should I saw, human being. Now I’m wondering whether disclosing my age was the right thing to do. I’m afraid of it tainting your view of my posts. I don’t know. I get scared a lot. Everything scares me, and everything makes me want to not be scared. Anyway. The extra wavelengths make us tired, for we cannot stop thinking, and thinking only leads to despair.

Do you find walking upon this earth painful? Existence hurts. I find it painful to live with other human beings, and I find it painful being the human being that I am. We dreamers are unappreciated. People cannot appreciate what they do not understand. A thousand thoughts on existence, mortality, truth, life and consciousness flutter like smoky birds across my brain every day. They peck at the inside of my skull. It’s so tiring, I’m tired, I’m tired. What are your greatest fears? As a dreamer, I live in fear of a lack of money, because gaining it isn’t that comes easily to me. I have to sacrifice bits of my soul and sanity to get money, and don’t like doing that. At all. Extroverting myself until I feel like I’m dying of fatigue, the flesh sagging from my bones. I don’t like that. So, I live in a fear of poverty, of an indigence which will make all art and philosophy meaningless, as survival always takes the front seat. I wish to amass the wealth needed to live the life I want, but I find all occupations, apart from being a writer or philosopher, odious, and society’s systems and institutions mindless and inane. High school causes me pain. I cannot relate to a single human being, and, walking through the labyrinth of corridors, my soul is dead and stale.

Other people always seem to have something that I lack. I don’t if it’s just because I have an inferiority complex, or if other INFPs can relate. Other people seem to possess this confidence, this surety about life, that I don’t have, and don’t think I could ever have. They walk through their lives with joy and poise, know their heart before they go to sleep and taste its juicy, coppery flavor when they wake up to perfume their thoughts, hopes and aspirations for the rest of the day. I feel more like an evolving Frankenstein, gangrenous limbs prolapsing and flopping, seams tearing loose like tiny screaming stitched mouths, new eyes and fingers and parts always being attached, a prototype in the working, never fully here, never complete, always changing and lacking and inadequate, a dead person animated with life rather than a proper human being.

Without a strong enough heart to guide the way, but a shriveled sac that sometimes flutters in a direction, depending on the wind, but mainly hangs, limp and deflated and unsure. Yeah. That’s the closet I can get to the experience. it’s a constant sense of insecurity and instability that makes life exhausting, forever teetering on ice shards.

Dear dreamer, I’m probably not making any sense. But other people just have this element of sanity, of rationality, that keeps them from slipping into an existential abyss, brain strands that keep them tethered to the rock of contentment, carefreeness and laughter. They don’t float towards the heavens, swirling aimlessly in the infinities, and feel a greater darkness bloom in their souls, a bee-buzz madness on their tongues.

Sorry if I jump from topic to topic. Just imagine it as a conversation with me. I wish I could give you a big hug, right now, dreamer, so we could both feel less alone, and slightly miserable. I’m happy being me, but I’m sad about how the world reacts to me, and tries to spit me out all the time. I’m not a cog, or a wheel, but a wacky metallic object that faintly resembles an alien creature with a thousand appendages. Don’t fit.

I’m wildly jealous of extroverted, steady people who seem to have their entire life and mindset together, when I’m a disintegrating star just trying to keep all of my radioactive bits together. If you’re an ENTJ reading this, though I can’t imagine how I would have held your interest up to this point, how do you do it? You are incomprehensible, so sure, so steady, so confident. But you don’t see. You don’t see the shadows, you don’t see life. Maybe that’s what I need, to survive in this society. To stop being me. To vanquish my crazy thoughts on reality and existence.

I can’t cope with reality. I don’t know how rational and logical people do it. I can’t. It just isn’t part of my DNA. I don’t know why INFPs are not extinct yet, because we are hit so hard by life, no matter how rich or poor. It’s a kind of struggle endemic to our personality. When people say phrases like ”suck it up”, or ”that’s life”, I want to cry. My heart hurts. Because I can’t just suck it up. I guess that makes me soft and weak, but so what. That’s who I am. I can’t suck up the harshness of reality, I want to love all human beings, help all human beings, I want to love and help and heal, but everyone’s so cold (oh gosh, I’m tearing up), the world is so cold, and everyone is so brutal and harsh and cruel, it’s so hard and cold. I have no place in it. Ouch. Ouch. My heart. My soul. It hurts. I want to love so much, to wipe away tears and hug people, revel in the human experience together, but I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.

Dreamers are sensitive. I will cry at the drop of a hat. I’m easily startled. When people scare me, my heart jerks for a good time afterwards. Loud noises make me wince and physically recoil. Everything hurts! A slight glance, a mean word, I can even read the thoughts of others sometimes, and they hurt me, because I know they are not kind. Only cruel. Mean. Racist. Personalitist. Hate you because you’re shy and introverted and not happy and extroverted. Sexist. Lookist (when people discriminate against ugly people, I just made it up, sorry if I make no sense in this post). It’s all this ugliness, I see all this ugliness, and it makes me want to throw up. I’m sick with the emotional toxins of the world, bloated with poison. Yuck. Get it out of my system. Please, please.

I honestly want to build a quiet community of dreamers somewhere on the edge of civilization, among nature. I want it so badly. Yearn. We could have these little huts, libraries inside the trunks of trees, pick wild fruit and nuts, hunt animals, drink fresh spring water, sing songs, love, have philosophical discussions around the fire. It’s unrealistic, I know, but I think it’s the only way I could feel like I’m truly living. I live in tiny unit now, with my mum, because of financial constraints, and there’s hardly a spot of green anywhere. It’s quite suffocating. I’m crying. That’s okay. I have you guys here. Or out there. You guys exist. Other people who feel this way exist. *sobs quietly with happiness*

Money. Jobs. Careers. Another painful topic. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Ahem. Excuse-me. It’s just that, well, the problem is we’re RIGHT BRAIN INTROVERTS. Do you see? They say that introverts can get good steady jobs and be happy, but it depends on the kind of introvert you are! Left brain introverts have a much easier time, loving jobs like accountancy, being doctors, scientists. Left brain people in general have it easier. Whereas right brain introverts, well, talented as we may be, the only job for us to become an artist. That is it. A writer, a painter. We’re practically doomed. We are the epitome of the starving artist. I know I can’t be anything else a writer. It’s stitched in my bones. And I will endure everything to write. I know I will. I know I can’t get any job to pay the bills apart from one on one tutoring, with children, because I love children. I think, if you’re a dreamer like me, that is, if you are a writer, to pay the bills, you should tutor one on one in English (which happens to be my favorite subject in school, though the teacher makes me soul recoil every time I see her, this cruelty shines behind her sweet face, but, let’s not complain about irrelevancies). It’s nearly the only option that can sort of engage our helping, literary and creative talents. That’s the best I’ve got so far.

Well. I’m not sure if this post made any sense. If you got anything from it, that’s great. If not, I’m sorry for wasting your time. I really am. I just don’t know anything. Everyone seems to think they know everything, that’s what gives them the confidence, but I have realizes that I truly know nothing, and this lack of ignorance makes me vulnerable. Stepping out into the world hurts me everyday. I’m only ever happy when I’m reading and writing.

I guess my soul is just kind of sore.

– Dreamerrambling

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50 thoughts on “It’s Hard Being An INFP Part 2

  1. Wow, it’s great to know more about you. Don’t worry about age. What matter are ideas and feelings. I have some questions. What kind of writer do you want to become? Do you aim for a specific literature genre?

    The idea of living in the forest with lots of dreamers is funny and made me laugh. But I appreciate that. I know how it feels. Let me play the silly one. Once I played a video game called Chrono Trigger. This game has a scenery where there is a magic floating island. So, we visit this place with the main characters. The name of the floating island is Zeal. A realm of wisdom and magic. Where people seek for prosperity and technology. Here is a video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ufJslNR_cOw That’s more or less how I portrayed a dreamer’s palace. Funny, nonetheless.

    I have some notes about being an INFP too. The first one is: it’s good to know that there are more people alike us. However, I don’t like the boundaries. I don’t like to confine my own self to a personality type description literally. I use the studies about personality types as guidelines to try to understand myself and others better. It’s possible to expand and go far beyond any predictions and definitions. Descriptions are words, after all. Our essence cannot be fully translated into that. We are more than that. I wish to share my indifference about beliefs with you. But I want not to be intrusive and rob your delicate view of reality. I understand. It’s good to feel. Good to dream intensely. It’s glamorous! It’s fabulous! It’s fucking amazing to see how the world could fill our expectations. It’s part of our nature. But… is perfection that great? Is perfection really what we are striving for? Maybe, imperfection is what makes the world beautiful. Asymmetry. There is a japanese world of view called Wabi Sabi: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wabi-sabi that proclaims acceptance regarding the imperfections of reality. What do you think about this?

    I’m not a confident person too. But do you know how I cope with this? I FAKE IT. Isn’t faking against my virtues and belief system? YES. Do I care? YES. So what? Well, I still fake. Believe or not, lies are everywhere. Politics, idealism, popular science, love and seduction, friendships, everywhere. People lie. And that’s okay. That’s what we do. But the willingness to overcome all these, to reach for prosperity and satiate our curiosity is the engine of life. To survive. I know it’s painful, but sometimes we have to exert energy. This energy must come from ourselves. Being a resolute person doesn’t mean to be flawless and perfect. Neither 100% convict. It’s okay to be afraid. It’s okay to be a coward. With a burning desire to contribute, even a coward can overcome his/her fears and make some difference. The details are important. Some people are more sensible than others to notice them. That’s fine. If the people around me are not so sensible and caring as I am, I accept that. Different eyes have different perspectives. We can see the same object but each person is going to see it through a different angle. Although a different resulting view, it’s still the same object. The same could be said about life.

    Thank you.

    P.S: I guess I know your name. Do you mind if I say it? It starts with the letter S. Is that right? If this is right, don’t worry. I won’t say it unless you allow me.

    • Agree. Agree. I agree with everything you said, at an extreme microscopic level, so let’s see if I can answer the specific questions and whatnot. Um, as to writing, I tend to like writing in the realm of fantasy, but surreal fantasy, if that makes sense. Weird fiction. I’m kind of a H.P Lovecraft, Edgar Allen Poe and Neil Gaiman sort of aspiring writer. I just love oddness. As to the idea of perfection, well, it’s true, I think deep down people like imperfection, and would hate perfection if they truly attained it. I think people like the imperfect feeling of trying to attain the perfect. I think that’s what keeps us going, in this incomprehensible life, if that makes sense? Tell if it doesn’t, haha. As to my real name, no, it’s doesn’t start with S. I’m still afraid of people at school stumbling onto this blog, so I have never disclosed it. Oh, and as to faking it, I do it as well. Sometimes, you’ve got to wade through the mire to get to the other side, even if you have to blow up your floaties out of discarded pig guts (sorry for the bad image) while everyone else paddles with shiny plastic ones.

      • Great. I’m looking for your fantasy stories :). Do you intend to start by writing short stories or more elaborated and in book format?

        P.S: hahahaha. Too bad. I thought your name was Sally O’Donnel. Sorry about that.

      • Honestly, I’m a bit befuddled at the moment. I’ve got this wealth of ideas for writing novels, and I’ve started one of them, but I feel like my writing isn’t good enough yet to write a good novel. At the same time, when I practice my writing with short stories, the stories tend to flounder and flop and die on the page. Sigh. I’ll get this worked, somehow.

      • Hey

        “I’ve got this wealth of ideas for writing novels, and I’ve started one of them, but I feel like my writing isn’t good enough yet to write a good novel.”

        It’s a learning process. You can’t expect to write a good novel on the first try. That’s pretty arrogant, right 😉

        I see you’re already doing very, very well with this blog. Keep writing and one day you will have written THAT novel. Don’t be afraid of failing. The important thing is that you keep writing.

        Also, don’t get too hung up on the idea behind the novel. Having a good idea probably helps you write it, but a good novel can be about nothing, it’s not about the idea, it’s how you express it. If you are very motivated, look for Chuck Palahniuk’s essays of writing/writing lessons, there are quite a few, this one for example:
        https://litreactor.com/essays/chuck-palahniuk/nuts-and-bolts-“thought”-verb

      • Thank you, deeply, for your encouragement, advice and the link. I really appreciate it. 🙂 Yes, it would be pretty arrogant to write a flawless novel on the first try. We make mistakes, and we keep on trying, and even though we may never “get” there, we can get close. Thank you.

  2. Wow, I’m so glad I came on here again today!!! 🙂
    You really know how to touch another soul, deeply. I’m sure there’s more than just I who agree.

    I want to say thank you. I’ve commented once before with a different name (not sure if you can see my email address on your side of things, or you might be able to recognize it) but I just feel so touched by this post. It’s so heartfelt, and genuine. You’re very courageous, it’s so inspiring, really.

    I actually find it hard to believe that you’re 16, you seem so much older through your posts and the kinds of things you say. You truly are an “old soul” so to speak. And since you had to courage to share all that you did with me, I’ll share a bit of my life with you as well. I’m very proud of you for having such a good head on your shoulders. I don’t know what your habits or personal behaviors are like, but I’m turning 21 next month and I can tell you that I wish I was a lot more like you at 16. Long story short, I basically dropped out of school at 15 and proceeded to smoke copious amounts of weed, and because of the current legality of such a substance and lack of preoccupation in my life, I pretty much hung out with nobody but dealers and what-not. This was much worse for my temperament than school ever was, but at the same time I feel thankful that I have this understanding of drugs and the people involved in that lifestyle. I’ve only ever had problems with weed, but I’ve experimented with harder things a few times. The thing about it all, is that it’s very subjective. If I, as an HSP and INFP, smoke a joint, I’m going to have a much harder time staying sober than your average “normal” extrovert, at least in my opinion. People constantly debate about whether it’s even addictive, but I don’t really care what they say because I know that to me as an individual, I have a very hard time controlling and pacing my smoking if I buy any amount at all. It’s almost like I’m a dope-aholic. So I’ve decided that it’s not good for me, and I shouldn’t do it at all. It’s just so easy to use it as an escape. And really, it’s not like I’m out hurting anyone or doing terrible things while stoned, I just sit there and listen to music and think. I’m just very introspective and meditative when I’m on it. But at the same time, I connect with so much of what you say about existential depression and what not, that it’s just so hard not to take another few hits after I burn out, and when I run out of dope, the term “desperation” doesn’t even come close to expressing how it feels.
    And the worst part isn’t even the direct affect that it has on you, it’s when you have to be around criminals just to even do it, and you end up getting to know people and maybe even start developing bonds with them and realizing “wow, not every drug dealer is a bad guy, we have a lot in common” and then somewhere along the line you see and hear about those people getting robbed and extorted and having their house burnt down, or even worse things, and it breaks you. That’s what happened to me. I won’t even share the most sad things because I don’t want this post to be too much about negativity.

    If you ever choose to do it, or have already done it, that’s 100% up to you, completely your decision. I will never judge you. I simply wanted to share my experience with it.

    Right now, although I can’t say that I’m “happy” with life, things aren’t that bad. I mean, I can’t really turn on the news or surf the web without having my composure threatened, but as cliche as it sounds, it does “get better”, even if only a little.
    Just think, if you have this much wisdom and understanding now, how much more you’ll be when you’re my age. Or how about 10 years older than me. You’re waaaay ahead of the curve, and as you continue living and learning, you could be like the “Ghandi” of your contemporaries.

    I look forward to commenting again, because the thought of communication between people like us is so heartwarming. I have so much more I could say, but I’ll leave it at that for now. I understand that comments are moderated, so if I don’t see this published, it won’t hurt my feelings. You have a lot of sensitive readers, and this type of subject matter isn’t the most up-building. My intention is to share this with you as an individual, I trust your discretion on whether you want this on your blog or not, but if it is then I hope it can help other people see that not every way of coping is beneficial in the long term. I just hope I could have touched you in a similar way that you touched me with all this.

    You’re beautiful, I love your articles, and I love you!!!! ❤ Keep it up, as much as your capable of, of course. You've affected me deeply today 🙂 Thank you again!

    • Oh. Thank you! For all your lovely words. And of course I’d publish it! I don’t like to shy away from truth, or some of the realities of life. Sometimes, I’ve thought about taking drugs, if only out of curiosity, and the hope that it might unleash a mine of psychedelic ideas for my writing. But I don’t think I could ever do it. I do not judge you at all for doing so. Sometimes, you just get into things, you know? Even things you know are a bit scary or bad or dangerous, such as for your health, but it just sort of happens and you slip into it. I understand, though it might be presumptuous of me to say so. I think you’re a lovely human being, and love you as well. I know I have no right or experience to give any advice, but I don’t think consuming substances which wipe away the world and bad feelings can help. I don’t know if you’re still engaged in these behaviours, you probably aren’t, but this is just my take on things. I know that the world and life hurts so much sometimes you just want to scream and escape. But I think there are better ways to escape. Any time you feel down these days, pick up a book. Just pick it up, and read. It’s the best experience ever, you’re gone for a couple of hours, and when you come back, everything’s a little bit better. I’m sorry if anything I just wrote sounded patronizing or condescending. I didn’t mean it to be. I guess I’m just fumbling in my attempt to help. I want you to read when the world hurts and escape that way. It is one of the best ways I have discovered. I want you to be happy. ❤

  3. If you are already quoting Nietzsche, you are ahead of many other teens. Way to go on your writing and thinking about the things you do at your age. I think you are going to be OK!

  4. Hi again my dear shrink :))
    To be honest, I thought you were in your 40s when I first read your blog. But now that I know you’re 16 I’m actually flattered 🙂 I’m proud because this blog and these insightful post of yours prove that us INFP do have a very deep sense of understanding ourselves and the world. They prove that when it comes to us INFP and philosophy (existentialism, racism,….) age really doesn’t matter.
    When I was your age I had the same problems you wrote here. However I didn’t understand myself enough to put those thoughts out in such a loving and touching entry like this. I wrote a story about depression instead, and until just a few minutes before didn’t really understand my action. Thanks to your post, now I know the true meaning behind all that I felt and did when I was 16 🙂 so don’t be too worry about being young. Keep up the good work!

    • Thank you! I’m so, so glad people like you exist. You are so wonderful and understanding, and, yeah, INFPs can get pretty deep. I remember contemplating death in my first year of school. I try not to mention that to most people – they tend to find that rather disturbing. 😉

  5. Hello dreamerraming,

    Wow I can’t believe you’re only 16 and have such amazing writing. You say that everybody seems confident and you will eventually see that that is not true. Not everybody is confident, possibly your inferior complex makes it seem that way. Your writing is wonderful and that is something you should be proud of – passion can give you incredible confidence that you wouldn’t even expect. I think that once you go to college or university and go into a major that you love, you will meet like minded people. They exist and you are bounded to meet them as long as you keep following your dreams. Don’t let the Myers Briggs personality traits put you in a box to define others and yourself, I used to do that too. Everybody is so different, have insecurities, and problems, and that is what makes life more interesting and possibly help them grow.

    Death have always been an interesting topic for me and lately I have thought about it differently through these books I’ve read. You won’t be afraid of death if you believe in so such thing as birth and death – you always exist, no matter what form. I can recommend these two books if you’d like to ever read them, Broken Open by Elizabeth Lesser and No Death, No Fear by Thich Nhat Hanh.

    • Thank you. I hope so. I kind of have this dream of walking into the Creative Writing class on campus and making a whole heap of hippie, creative, nature-loving friends. Perhaps.
      And I intuitively know what you wrote about death – that we always exist, no matter what form. I’m beginning to know that, and it comforts me. All I can do is be me, and do the best I can with me, and my little talents. I’ll never give up on humble little me. Thank you.

  6. Hi dreamerrambling, I’m an infp too and I can totally relate to how you’re feeling.
    I really thank you and appreciate that you’ve written this post. And no, I think what you’re writing makes perfect sense, at least to me. Your writing is absolutely beautiful and touching, in an endearing infp sort of way.
    Infps have it the hard way in this materialistic, unforgiving, cruel, tough world. Okay, maybe I exaggerated a teeny bit, but nevertheless that’s the way infps perceive the world. I was deeply touched when you said you would feel like crying when people told you to “suck it up” or tell you “that’s life”. I feel like that all the time! We’re not weak, that’s just the way our brains are wired. It’s not fair that the world is completely catered to extroverted types.
    I wonder what it’s like to die, to live in heaven. Or hell, for “bad” people. Is there really a heaven, for people to live peacefully and never worry about superficial things such as money or status? Or do people reincarnate? If people reincarnate infinitely, with the same personality and soul, we would be forever trapped and doomed in this world.
    I hope that one day we will be able to escape this all, to our dreams.
    I’m sorry if this is way off track. I’m 12 by the way, and I have never met another infp in real life. I seriously need someone to talk to.

    • I wish I could have been with you, when I was twelve, and utterly confused and rather depressed. I feel like I should give some words of advice, but I’m not sure if I have any wisdom worth sharing yet. The best advice I can give you is to spend lots of time doing what you love, such as reading and writing, rather than spending time to fit in with the other kids. I did that, and it wasted so much of my time and made me feel terrible. Find your joys, and live them. I had so much free time when I was twelve, and absolutely squandered it.

  7. So last night, as i was drifting aimlessly along the web in a cloud of disgruntled unfulfillment (as i’m often prone to do), i stumbled upon an mbti test. i finished the test out of a sort of casual curiosity. What sort of generic results would this produce?
    i read the description of an INFP and cried. You mean i’m not crazy??? There are others??? i had to learn more. Time went by and i was led to your first INFP blog. I cried again. Never before have i felt so emotionally attuned to another person. Finally a kindred spirit. Thank you for opening your mind to the world.

    How do i cope with what i now know as my INFP personality? As kiddo stated above, I fake it, although i can hardly recommend it. i have been faking it for a long time. I followed the money, accepting the advice of society as truth, even though i found the concept impossible to understand. i made a career as a robotics engineer, at which i am very successful. And simultaneously MISERABLE. i fail to see any inherent value in my work. In fact just the opposite. As my robots drone on in their never ending cycle of destroying this beautiful earth, just to push another oil sucking vehicle down the assembly line, i yearn to be doing something that matters. Something that helps. Something that brings the world closer to my “unrealistic”, “idealistic” ideas of peace love. i would love to think that maybe this would be the catalyst that inspired me to make change. To drop out of the rat race and chase my dreams. The truth is i will most likely spend years dreaming about it without actually taking any steps in that direction. And now i’m rambling.

    My advice to your sweet soul is to never start faking it. Live happy, in symmetry with your soul. Let your creative nature soar. Do not bind it up by trying to adapt to the mold. There is no joy to be found there.

    • Thank you for giving me a snippet of wisdom, gleaned through pain and experience. I can understand how terrible it would be, to be stuck in a job you hate, feeling like a robot, dead, cold, nothing. Thank you. I will. I will do that. God, I don’t care what it takes, I will. I will find my happiness, thread together my words and make a magic carpet to fly to the stars. Thank you.

  8. I stumbled upon your blog by chance, and as an INFP myself I am always interested to hear the thoughts of others with the same personality type. I am thoroughly impressed with how articulate you are at describing your feelings and your level of self-awareness. I am now 30, and I identified strongly with the (trying to find the right word) existence of being a 16 year old INFP. I am a guy, but I do understand where you are coming from – it was the same for me.

    I recall strongly considering the serious questions of existing, morality, the nature of good and evil, and not being comfortable living in a world that isn’t really designed with me in mind.

    I do feel that being an INFP is not easy. I took a nonsensical quiz recently through Buzzfeed or something that asked “What Fantasy Animal Would You Be?” The answer I got was unicorn, which summed life as an INFP rather nicely in my opinion. Unicorns are rare, magical, awesome, clever, but nobody seems to know how to handle them so they relatively hard to find and manage – even in a fantasy world.

    I suppose I can offer a glimpse of what may happen in time, as you gain more life experience and add more pieces to your self-described “Frankenstein” monster.

    It will be impossible to stop thinking/contemplating/worrying. This is not a bad thing, it’s actually the INFP’s superpower. The trick in harnessing the considerable processing power of an INFP brain is to determine what you can control and what you can’t and allocate your brain power accordingly.

    Take flying on an airplane. At some point I realized that once I step onto the plane, I really don’t have control over anything except what I can do at my seat. Obviously there are countless things that could go wrong, but I waste energy thinking about all those possibilities. So I focus on entertaining myself, which isn’t hard, usually through reading or maybe exchanging words with the person next to me (who is usually from somewhere I haven’t been, doesn’t judge me – because they have no previous experience with me, and I’ll probably never see again). By practicing that, I usually have a good, interesting experience.

    Something that does bother me is something you mentioned about parents and those around you being unbearably dull. I too find that to be the case, and it’s rather tragic in my mind. I love my family, but I do feel that the support they can offer is no longer what I require. Again, it’s tragic, it tears at the things I value most deeply and it’s been something that is terribly difficult to accept.

    However, I’ve found that once I’ve accepted that “the family will never truly understand what goes on my head,” I no longer expect them to understand. I appreciate them on another level, as people who care and want to be supportive even if it’s not exactly what I’m looking for.

    Perhaps you can take heart that there will always be people who will float in and out of your life that will lift you up and provide support – almost as if the universe is watching out for you. I’ve learned to appreciate that, being a part of a universe that is unfathomably large, yet intimate and recognizing how my existence influences those around me. Please continue to share your thoughts and to write, by doing that you are staying true to yourself and helping others in the process. I imagine that’s very important to you…

    • You make a lot of sense. Thank you, truly, for doling out this bit of wisdom. I am already starting to have an idea of the things you write about – how my family members are lovely little flowers even if they’re scent is not always to my taste, that the universe is rather odd and bewildering and whose ‘ways’ can’t even be written off by an atheist. Just, thank you. And I wish you happiness, lots and lots of smiles. And yes, I will continue sharing my thoughts, as well as write, until the day I die.

  9. Ok. Whew.
    First, I echo Dan’s comments above.
    Second, 16?! Oh, to have been have as articulate, self-accepting/aware as you are when I was 16!! I’m now 36 and I will tell you this: you have no idea how ahead of the game you actually are. And by “game” I mean the journey of you. Being you and being ok with you and even more than that, being really good at being you. Well, that’s about all we can hope for isn’t it? I am still trying to figure this out.
    I totally get the part about the contentedness of others. I’ve been married to and ESTJ/ENTJ for 11 years. He will never “get” me. And sometimes that really bothers me. But I will say this, he has shown me and taught me how to develop more of my T and J, if that makes sense? You can stay stuck inside the label or you can stretch and grow. You can become more balanced. I think the danger is when it comes at cost of betraying yourself. Don’t do that unless it’s really going to be worth it. And you may not ever know that answer. And it may end up hurting like hell. If I didn’t have my precious children I don’t think I could bear the pain sometimes.

    I suppose knowing you are young evokes a response in me to share some of my experience in the hopes it will be of benefit, but in reality you have been the blessing to me by pouring out your soul and mind here. So, thank you.
    Keep being you. Being true to ourselves is the greatest lesson I have learned. That and effective pain-management! 🙂

    Looking forward to reading more around here. You are an inspiration and it gives me hope for my daughter and others like us that we can find our happy place.

    • I’m so sorry I didn’t reply sooner – somehow your comment slipped through my fingers when I was riffling through my archive. Thank you! I’m honoured to be considered an inspiration by you, I really am, the very thought of it astonishes me. I thank you for reading and caring, and I wish you and your daughters happiness. I’m still searching for that happy place too, a haven for dreamers, but this blog has taken me one step closer to finding it. I feel blessed to have readers like you who reach out – it’s almost like a second, more wonderful cyberspace family. This blog has chased away many of my shadows, and I probably would be in a good deal more pain right now without it, and without you and everyone who comments and reaches out and cares. It’s all surprising and wonderful to me, and for that, I thank you.

  10. Amazing, I found this post in my in-box and just read it. I am amazed that you are 16, your maturity, your way you look at the world, you HAVE to be an Old Soul (if such a thing exists). If anyone doesn’t take you seriously, F-them. You’re amazing sincerity and way with words show an age beyond your years. You are a very deep person, you are young enough to be my granddaughter, and I can’t tell you enough how much I admire you. : )

    • I feel inadequate to your compliment, and your admiration, but thank you. I can’t say it’s not nice to be appreciated, even the slightest bit, through this blog; however, I do feel overwhelmed by some of the compliments I receive on it. It’s going to take me some time to unravel my insecurities, and the belief that I’m just a dazed, impractical dreamer without a proper head on her shoulders. Thank you for validating me, thank you for reading, thank you for reaching out and thank you for being.

      • We will always be insecure, as INFP’s I don’t think we can be any other way, and like me you seem to be highly sensitive. We aren’t really valued in our society, but we should be, without us, it would be a cold, hard place.

  11. I’ve always thought I was alone in this world, and the more I tried to deceive myself, the more I was suffering. It’s so hard to find anyone to relate to these days and even though I have feigned being an extrovert at times, I still cannot find gossip to be stimulating in any way.
    I like how you said we perceive different wavelengths than the average human. That’s a great way to go about it. Anyways, I’ve always kind of been the sad, rejected philosophical dreamer I am–and I’ve wondered how others cannot think on such deep levels as me. I was just lying in bed one night, trying to fall asleep, when I had a sudden epiphany: ignorance is bliss. For once you attain a certain level awareness, there’s no going back to that state of oblivion nearly everyone seems to be living in. It’s like they’re all in some sort of stupor–some sort of coma–and we are the first to awake. We are frantically trying to wake up everyone else, but our attempts go in vain. They are forever asleep, trapped in an eternal slumber, and they don’t even realize it! It’s agonizing to say the least.
    I think I’d be very interested in what you have to say on religion. I was reading a couple of your posts the other day, and I can understand why you are an atheist. I’ve always found it somewhat silly how wars are started based on religion. They’re like little children, running around screaming, “My painting’s better than yours!” And I don’t mean to offend anyone by saying this, I’m simply stating that no religion is superior or more accountable than another. I mean, I believe in a great Something, too–some ethereal, insubstantial force. I’ve been thinking a lot about religion and I’ve discovered a few things about human nature along the way. Why have so many religions emerged over the years? I think it’s to make us feel less alone. For without a fatherly figure, a magical being, we feel insignificant. And no one wants to feel that way. We’re just a bunch of orphans, really, and we all seem to have a clear idea of how we want everyone else to live, We’re still fighting like kids, with childlike petulance, except we disguise it in an attempt to appear more sophisticated. It’s rather exhausting.
    As Napoleon Hill puts it, “Opinions are the cheapest commodities.” We all have our opinions, and we often feel strongly about such things, but they DON’T MATTER. Opinions are rather capricious, don’t you think? We change ourselves, our opinions, to appease to others. It’s quite sad. Anyways, I read one of your posts and I remember reading about how you used to “belittle knowledge.” I think INFPs are very prone to this way of thinking as we base a lot of our decisions solely on feelings. Our rather pensive and introspective nature allows us to be so in touch with our feelings, that it’s almost scary. I can immediately identify what I’m feeling and the cause of the emotion. In fact, I like to think of ourselves as Stoics–the silent sufferers. I was talking to my INTP sister once about Stoicism, as she indulges in philosophy of any kind, but she kind of gave me a blunt response on the matter of Stoicism. She thought this branch of philosophy is rather “unnecessary” and moved on to the next topic. I think it’s because she’s a T type, and so is not in touch with her feelings. Anyhow, it bothered me because this act of indifference felt like rejection.
    I guess I’ve kind of been jumping around a lot–my thoughts are pretty scattered, I guess. It’s just part of my nature. So back the topic of knowledge. When I was in school, I used to despise (not hate, an INFP can never hate) science and math. I still despise math but I’ve kind of become “friends” with science in the eighth grade. I had previously thought that science consisted of cold, hard facts–I thought it was rather black and white like math. So we were learning about the Periodic Table and I kind of zoned out as my teacher blabbed on and on about it. My grades were dropping and my parents were getting mad so one day, I decided to actually listen, and I found it rather interesting to my surprise. Most of science actually revolves around theory. That’s right, THEORY, not cold hard facts like I had previously assumed. My science teacher was talking about how all the elements had a place in the Periodic Table. They were arranged in a certain order and when Mendeleev first discovered the pattern, he knew that there were some elements that had not yet been discovered, but he knew where they would go. It’s amazing, really. I even associated certain personality traits with each of the elements. I was Hydrogen, because I was my own little group–and I followed my own rules. It’s easy to mistake me for a metal, even though I’m a nonmetal. Hydrogen is very reactive and perhaps hard to define. That’s me. It’s kind of weird, I guess, but it helped me learn so much better.
    I think I’ve ranted enough, but what do you think? Do you enjoy science and math? What are your ideas on religion? What do you have to say about Stoicism?

    • I’m not too fond of math – too many numbers, and not much direct relation to people and emotions, so my eyes have a tendency to glaze over. I despised it, too. I’m actually quite fond of science when it’s about theories, or interesting snippets of information about the world, rather than formulas and calculations. Many INFPs often have a keen curiosity and hunger for knowledge, and science in many ways satisfies this longing. As to religion, I’m don’t like the idea of prescribing to any specific religion. I don’t think it’s about temples or rituals or prayer books or believing in Jesus, or any of that. It’s more of a quiet, personal, spiritual thing, where I feel myself in oneness with the universe, my consciousness woven into the fabric of the universe, my heart beating in tune as an expression of the universe. Used to call it the “Great Something” rather than God, but now I just think of the universe as one enormous, conscious mind. This will probably change as I grow older – I have a tendency to develop my beliefs as I absorb new information.
      Haha! I’m definitely a Hydrogen. No wonder that was my favourite element when I studied it in history.
      I’m a non-official proponent of Stoicism. Lately, I’ve started to realize the degree to which my thoughts create my reality, and the chaos of the world, so my inclination towards its beliefs and practices have intensified. But it’s a personal thing. I don’t follow any rules. I just think to myself: you are wonderful, even if the world bats you down. Only you can allow yourself to feel shitty. That kind of thing. Nice, thought-provoking questions! Lovely to know people like you are out there.

  12. Wow, I really relate to you and seeing that you’re 16 takes me back. I quit school when I was 13 (many years ago). When people asked me why, the first couple of years I would say “existential depression.” I hated school pretty much from the start and was always ahead of the curriculum. It never even occurred to me that I could or should fit in. During my teen years I read better books and thought deeper thoughts than I ever have since, and miss those days. Enjoy this time of deeper contemplation.

    • Thank you. And thank you for reading. 🙂 I can easily imagine why you quit school – existential depression is the worst. Did you return, afterwards? How did the decision pan out for you financially?

  13. Hello !! I am 17 and can easily relate to most of the stuff you said .
    I have this weird obsession with hugs . I mean , I hug almost any person who will let me :3 . So thank you . *returns hug*

    I want to be so much , I want to do so much , but quite frankly I want my work to have a real effect on the lives of as many people as possible . I really wouldn’t be able to live in a type of place as you mentioned .

    *hugsagain* ^-^

  14. Wow, I am so glad that I found your blog. I am in a situation now where I am forced to finally identify where I want my life to go, and have consistently been seeing this INFP diagnosis come up.
    Initially, I took it as just nonsense, but through continued readings such as your blog. I am finally starting to realize that there are others like me, despite the fact that it is describe what we really “are”.

    Thank you, as I cannot wait to read more.

    • Thank you for reading, and I wish you joy and happiness in your journey towards greater self-understanding. Trust me: before I found out about INFPs, I thought I was a freak, and repressed so much of my own artistic and quirky sensibilities. Self-discovery is the true key to liberation. Lots of love.

  15. I actually came upon this by chance and truthfully, I’m glad that I’m not the only one who feels this way.
    All throughout my life, I felt different. Off. Like something didn’t quite click. It took me years to understand that society, as a whole, is what alienated me.

    As an INFP, loving people is pretty much inherent yet that’s the exact same thing that hurts us the most. It’s cruel, almost, but I feel like maybe that’s what makes INFPs some of the wisest people out there.

    It’s a lot like being the night sky. Mostly illuminated by our hopes and dreams, others don’t see us. Perhaps they do, perhaps they don’t. Most of the time, though, people are asleep, choosing not to look at the night sky and wonder what it holds, instead content on living their lives just…there. But the stars -other INFPs- are with us, and they’re willing to listen to what story we have to tell.

    Feeling alone is a painful thing, especially when you’re a young child surrounded by a sea of people, but it gives us more time to learn about ourselves, I guess.

    Ugh. I’m rambling. Whatever, I just hope that you got something out of that. Good luck with chasing your dreams~

    (Fun fact: Currently, I’m the same age as you were when you posted this.)

  16. You know, when I was younger and I’d get into fights with my brother or see him steal my cookie that my mom left for me or whatever small or stupid thing we argued about , I’d always complain that it’s so unfair. My brother would always reply “The world isn’t fair.” and sometimes he’d add a “get over it” at the end of it. Even when I was young (well younger), that never quite sit right with me and I’d always reply and I quote since I still reply this way: “But it could be if we tried.” Nothing’s really changed, I mean I’m still young being only 13 but still. Why can’t the grass be blue and the sky be green? Why must we work so hard for money when all it does is keep us physically alive while we’re mentally dead and not really living? Why should we not try? How is someone not worth it? Why can’t I spend the rest of my life living off of chocolate? Why can’t I be a journalist or a poet and instead something great apparently like a doctor? Why do some things not matter while other things -stupid things, really- do matter? It’s all unfair. The world isn’t fair, you say? Well I say, but it could be if we tried. You said above “I don’t know why INFPs are not extinct yet, because we are hit so hard by life, no matter how rich or poor.” . I think it’s because we all have a fire in our heart, a passion that won’t stop burning. Sure, that fire might dim and shrink and shrink until it’s practically nothing but it’ll never truly go out. You just have to add a little bit of firewood to it (whatever your firewood may be, for me it’s hope) and it’ll grow again. Basically it’s kinda a stubbornness issue? I’m not sure. Maybe I’m just being naive. But this is just me. Like I said in another comment, it hurts to care and it’s a struggle to imagine and hope and that’s sad seeing as that’s basically who we are and what we do.

  17. Thank you so much, you make so much sense. Thank you and your blog for existing! I was so surprised when you said you were sixteen! I am seventeen and I feel the exact same way. The world is indeed so sad. I’m so glad we all exist! I wish there were jobs in society that we could all stick to and be happy with because I don’t feel like I want to “be” anything. I just want to be who I am and do what I want! Why can’t we all live together and do that??? Just have our own society and do what we were born to do, but still benefit the whole of the world. I also just want to be happy constantly but the sadness and “reality” of people just gets me so down. I have mental illnesses because I cannot “handle the real world.” I just think it’s really sad that the world just can’t get along and be happy…sighs. I hardly feel like I fit in because I think so much, I’m not into small talk, and a few other reasons. When I’m around people I like when people pay attention to me, but not too much. I think I’d get too carried away with what I’d say if I actually talked; people would think I was crazy. My mind jumps around so much and I don’t think people get me at all. This one time while I was waiting for the after school bus with everyone else, I was just standing by myself, thinking, and this person I’d been acquainted with before said I looked bored. I just told them I was just thinking, but I didn’t see her reaction…I don’t know what I’m trying to say. I just thought it was kinda weird and I really felt like an outcast. I sit in the library and look at people sometimes and it just seems weird, but I enjoy it. I’m not trying to seem like a creeper; it’s just interesting. I literally could go on and on about this just as you could, but I will end here. Thank you so much.

    • Aw, thank you, it’s brightened my day to know that I’ve helped someone, no matter how meagre the aid. I know, being so sensitive and idealistic and sometimes naïve is weird and awful and people don’t understand you and think you’re silly and you are just this tiny little body of smooshed-together yearning, like a butterfly fighting to break free of its chrysalis and never able to -but it’s okay! Trust me when I say this. As you grow older, you’ll learn things, understand things, understand yourself and the world and other people, understand life a little better, find your passions and skills, find joy in the moment, and everything will slowly be alright. I promise. Never apologise for your weirdness: Just be you, and to hell what others think. Always remember to do what makes you happy, and if that means sitting in a library secretly analyzing people out of pure interest and curiosity, then do it!

  18. I stumbled upon your blog while doing research trying to figure out how I fit into this world. I had tears rolling down my face while reading this. Firstly let me say this, wisdom and age has nothing to with one another, I have had the most profound wisdom shared unexpectedly by very young children, who will probably later on in their lives be “classified” as INFP. Let me share my little story with you. The reason why I’m researching all of these things is that I have seen a distinct line between INFP personality traits and a lot of other terminologies describing the same characteristics. I am an INFP, had my test done officially together with my IQ and aptitude test at 18. But with that also came all the other terminology I was referring to. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar mood disorder, I am an empath, which in turn made me a very spiritual person, I have also been called an indigo child. So all these characteristics makes for a rather complex person to others. On my recent visit back home (a country you will never guess I’m from, as English is just a second language) I looked at one of my diaries (the ones I didn’t burn in a manic phase… LOL) and coincidently I wrote it also when I was 16. Most of what you are experiencing now, I did too, and still do.

    We will never fit a mould, and neither did any of the other famous INFP’s through history. You are making a huge difference by sharing your emotions. I sometimes think a lot about the irony of Vincent van Gogh, if only he could know now, that he is such an inspiration, and that he achieved more than he ever thought he would. I can tell you the loneliness never goes away, but it gets better when you can connect with like-minded people.

    My coping strategy during my teens were acting out the roles I thought people wanted me to play. So, it comes as no surprise that so many actors are INFP personality types. Even up until 2 years ago, I still acted what I thought was acceptable, and I was actually quite good at that. To this day, people will not believe if I say I have bipolar. I was able to keep this pretence up for most of my life. What a shock it will come to people if they knew I’m an introvert. But I built walls around myself, and was in the position to withdraw without people really knowing about it. I was in the popular group in school and well liked later years in my corporate job, reason was the superficial one. Although I was superficial to an extend as well, as I faked who I truly was, their reasons for liking me was based on looks and charm, not the real me. The closest people ever came to pinpoint me in a way, was to say that I’m a free spirit. I did not really conform to their standards, but it wasn’t obvious enough for them to see the real me. Later years it did get more difficult to keep this act together, so I suppose some people did sense that I wasn’t like them, I was always into alternative things, and at times I did lose friends I thought were like me, the ones I trusted to share my inner self with.

    I still couldn’t hide my personality completely, so some aspects of it obviously surfaced. But I was alone, always alone, although I was surrounded by so many people. I tried finding people that felt like me, but I couldn’t.

    I left the world I knew behind two years ago. I had a near death experience, and after that I realised, I was fooling myself by trying to be what I’m not. As fate might have it, I had to relocate a few months after that to another country, a place where nobody knew me, and I just didn’t care anymore what people thought. It felt as such a relief that the caterpillar life I had led, was over and I could embrace the butterfly stage of my life. I decided to leave my designer label fashionable dolly wardrobe in the past, and finally embraced clothing that reflected my personality, and boy does this feel good! I am no longer ashamed of being different, I am still lonely at the best of times, but then you grab a piece of paper write down your feelings or find like minded people here on the internet, which didn’t exist when I was growing up. I can go into the other spiritual things that makes my journey more bearable but that will take a thousand more words.

    PS. It’s also ever too late to follow a dream. I was always afraid to follow my true passion in life, but after more than 20 years, I finally have the guts to do it, and I will be studying again… LOL

  19. hi I’m another INFP just searching the web to try and find something or someone to relate to and then I found this and yeah it did the trick. I also understand what its like being “younger” (currently 18) and therefore everyone just kind of dismisses my thoughts ideas and feelings as youth rather than depth. also I find that being a male INFP is especially complicated by society’s views because, well lets face it, society thrives on stereotypes and us INFP’s tend to embody a lot more of the so called “feminine” traits. (also just fyi I don’t want to make it sound like im trying to one up anyone cause im not I just am doing a little INFP ranting of my own) I mean seriously people just automatically expect me to love sports and violence and cars and sex and be tough just cause im a guy and ive certainly learned to act the part in my earlier years to blend in but truth is I enjoy poetry, deep thoughts and feelings, intimacy, and honestly I’d choose to watch a good romance or tear jerker film over an action or horror flick. personally I think gender stereotypes are bs but ive learned to embrace my sensitivity in spite of masculinity. yet that kind of seems to lead to people making other judgments about me and my sexuality as should’ve been expected. I mean excuse me people I can be both sensitive and still be attracted to girls thank you very much. and ive known several homosexual men who behave 10X as “masculine” as I do. so please people don’t judge a book by its cover, or the brief summary on the back, or someone else’s reviews on it, the only way to know what the book is really about is to pick it up and spend time actually reading it, especially with us INFP’s. I mean we’re not just any book, the way I see it (not to sound conceited) is we’re sort of like the collective diary’s of the human experience. this is why I think we sometimes feel like Frankenstein as you said but instead of seeing us as a corpse constantly needing improvement feeling like that shriveled sac floating wherever the wind shall blow. maybe we feel this way cause we ARE constantly drifting and evolving but more in the sense of how a pen drifts across paper leaving a trail of ink to form words. and these words contain so much depth and meaning that the words themselves cant help but feel alive, feel the deepest thoughts and wishes and grievances of the writer, humanity. maybe this is why we feel so misunderstood cause really we are just some of the most personal and heartfelt thoughts of existence hidden away in private sanctuary between pages. we embody both the immense pain and grievances of humanity so we mourn any injustice, yet are simultaneously the living essence of mankind’s greatest hopes and dreams, hence our deep desire for that perfect harmonious world. this is the burden we must carry but it is also our blessing cause we do experience things so intensely we get more out of living and even though it can be painful it is still beautiful. sorry im kind of going off on a tangent here I wasn’t originally planning on ranting this much but this reminds me, am I the only one who just enjoys feeling as long as there is depth in what is being felt? like for example sadness I mean of course I prefer to be happy but when something upsets me I don’t want to let go I want to hold on to it and feel the depth of my sorrow in the pit of my stomach for as long as I can until something else comes along to replace it. like just enjoying the hidden beauty in the darkness of it all you know? I mean ive read that this “emotional masochism” as I like to call it is a common thing for us INFP’s and all but ive never really had the chance to relate to anyone on this field cause I don’t know any other INFP’s and even my INFJ and ENFJ friends seemed to think I was crazy or there was something wrong with me when I tried to explain this to them. I mean like you said As dreamers, we have suffered for not being ignorant but For facing the harsher realities of existence. And we have been punished for seeing, not beyond the fog, but the fog itself. maybe its just some coping mechanism to find beauty in pain to befriend sorrow to enjoy its company to an extent so we need not run from something we cannot escape in the first place. like instead of choosing to fight or flee we choose to feel? or maybe there is some truth to the beauty I perceive, though I may be lost in the fog that is life I still find it mesmerizing how the wisps drift effortlessly in the air. On another note I totally agree with everything you feel about society and how you just want to love everyone in a world void of it and how you feel with people saying “suck it up” or “someone else has it worse” (I mean saying that to me just makes me feel guilty and then im upset over two things not just one) and what you said about being afraid of poverty and how careers are limited and stressful and pretty much all of it was just spot on. And after reading all of this I just keep thinking about this poem I wrote the other day when I just started thinking about how as INFP’s we are kinda stuck in this really bad and even abusive relationship with society and what I would say if I had the privilege of breaking up with society so think I’ll just finish up this post with that and I apologize for my long rant but its just good to be able to relate to people you know? Anyways here’s my poem
    ——————————————————————–
    The Breakup
    From the moment I wake up and open my eyes
    All you feed me are endless lies
    Tell me what is right and wrong
    And expect me to just sing along
    And though I love you with all my mind
    You may be surprised to find
    I won’t submit to your desire
    To spread your ignorance like a fire
    If I do not agree with your way
    I refuse to burn in what you say
    You showed me love
    You showed me pain
    You’re all I have
    But you’re all about gain
    I give and give with nothing in return
    The more you take the more you yearn
    You expect me to sit behind some desk
    Slaving away, a robot with a command
    In prisons of pencils and endless papers
    Only to bring more money to your hand
    You are far too judgemental for my taste
    Your flair for gossip is nothing but waste
    I will not conform to your prejudices
    And I’ll defend those you place under siege
    Just cause someone has differing views
    Does not make them less valid than you
    And you blame all of us for your mistakes
    Make us responsible for our own heartbreaks
    While we aren’t perfect you can cut the act
    Cause I refuse to be blamed for being attacked
    You always hit me with double standards,
    Just be yourself but follow the herds
    Tell me to be proud of who I am
    But shame uniqueness whenever you can
    I’m sorry I can never tell what you really want
    All of this is just some confusing taunt
    You are a little clingy and controlling too
    Always watching what I do
    If I mess up you’re the first to know
    You never seem to let it go
    Sometimes I just need my space
    I don’t always want you up in my face
    That doesn’t mean I’m mad at you
    It’s not depression and drugs I don’t do
    It simply means I’m introverted
    Understand that and much stress is averted
    And I’m not the only one you’re leading on
    From your flock soon I’ll be gone
    So, Sophie-Ciety my dear
    All I’ve said you needed to hear
    Though you’re the center of the world I know
    I think it’s time for you to go

    I’m breaking up with you.

    • That is a lovely poem. I love it. I could almost imagine it as a song. If it comes from personal experience, I am so sorry that you had to go through something like that – but I do believe that it is the ups and downs in life that make it worth living. Always take a chance on things, even if it means you’ll get hurt. And I understand how you feel, as an eighteen-year-old INFP. It is tough. But you’re not alone. Never, ever, because there are seven billion people out there, and some of them are bound to be feeling just as you do. I know how you feel, or I can, at least, relate. Let us hang in there, keep strong, and keep on going.

  20. Hi. I’m not exactly sure how to start this comment, but I’ll begin by saying I’m so thankful to have stumbled across this article (and your blog!). I’ll try to keep this brief; I’m an INFP, currently in high school, and like you, I’m a writer. I love philosophy and science. I tend to be involved in various esoteric interests, whether it’s my music taste or preferred style of literature. I’m shy, an introvert, but I do love being with people.

    I was surprised to find that you were only a teenager when you wrote this. It is simply an amazing (and eloquent)…rant. Honestly, I am downright shocked, in the best way. I felt a sort of bittersweet sensation while reading this, because finding someone else with these same thoughts and ideals is simply alien for me—especially coming from someone in their youth. It’s amazing.

    I’d love to have a conversation with you, and I have many questions, though it looks like you’ve been absent from this blog for some time. Still, I hope that if you are reading my comment, that it makes you feel happy. I cannot thank you enough for starting this blog. It’s the greatest gift I’ve come across in a long while.

    • Thank you so much for your kind words. I’d be happy to have a conversation in the comments section at the moment, if you want, or,if you wouldprefer, you can send me an email at dreamerrambling@hotmail.com, though I have been a bit behind in checking my email lately and visit this blog far more often than I do my dreamerrambling email.

  21. I rarely post my thoughts on the internet, but I felt I should tell you my heart goes out to you. I teared up a little with your thoughts because I know what it’s like to feel trapped. I feel that I have been chewed up and spit out from this world and my own family multiple times as well, but one thing I try to remind myself is that they’re people too. Yes, people can often be heartless and cruel, I know this especially after working in customer service for a few years (thank whatever entity lies in the universe that I escaped). In the moment it often feels like people are out to get you, and they say or think rude things. At the end of the day, they’re victims to this existence as well. They may have a chip on their shoulder because a loved one died, their heart has been broken too much, or maybe they feel alone too and find it easier to take it out on others. Distance is often needed for me to feel compassion towards those types of people, but it’s not as destructive as letting the emotions bottle up. I won’t tell you that you need to change, but take this as a little piece of advice for when you don’t want to feel like the world is trying to crush you. Sometimes I even have trouble adapting to this mindset.

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