It’s 2 am.
And I can’t sleep.
I’m sitting in front of the computer, terrified of waking up my mother and being hounded back to bed.
Existence is confusing.
Existence is madness.
Existence is flimsy.
Existence is like that stray wisp of a thought that you can never catch hold of once it wanders out of your mind.
We’ll never able to fathom it, because we’re in it. Like fish in water. The fish don’t see the water. They don’t know of land. Only we, as outsiders, can point to the water, and say, look, that’s water, and the fish are swimming in it. To the fish, water is simply existence. We are the same. And what higher beings, I wonder, point to our existence, and say, this is just air? And what kind of world, what kind of land, exists beyond our air?
I don’t know much. No-one knows much. We’re all unsettled on the inside, because we don’t know anything. But maybe not knowing is just something we have to get comfortable with. Maybe it’s better to stop trying to know, rather than seek the knowing that we hope to but will never find.
But I do know some things. Sort of.
I know that love and laughter make life sparkly.
I know that art, and the creation of art, can make your heart shine.
I know that kisses and hugs are more important than the secrets of the universe.
I know trees and birds and insects. I wave to them, as I go about my day, just to say, “Hello! We’re all in this wild randomness together. And you’re doing fine.”
I know clouds and mountains and sunsets. They’re just colours. They’re just photons. They’re just rock. But why does my heart shine so? There is some magic at play here, I think. Why do we react so to beauty? Beauty is the smile of the Universe, maybe. Maybe Beauty is a gleam from God. I don’t believe in a God. But I believe in Beauty. I think Beauty is part of something. Part of something bigger. Or maybe not. It’s still beautiful.
Sing. Dance. Laugh. Love. Play. Live. Dream.
We twirl and beam and exit. We twirl and beam and exit.