C’est la vie.

Life is hard. It’s a private battle. Scars remain on the inside.

No-one cares. No-one cares about anyone, and everyone is uncared for.

Reality is dull. Day-to-day life is dull.

People are good and bad and in-between. Most are in-between. That’s worse, somehow.

Physical pain is the greatest pain. Torture is worse than mental-flagellation. Sticks and stones do hurt more than words. Our bodies fail us, and we rage, and whimper.

The strong hurt the weak because they can. Compassion is a limited resource.

No-one can truly understand us but ourselves. We live on tiny, separate planets in the universe of consciousness.

You are who you are. You must live with who you are, until the end. You do the best with who you are.

It does not matter if you die. It does not matter if anyone in the world dies, right now. The living are good at living on.  

There is laughter, but mostly sorrow.

There is love, but mostly loneliness.

Nothing is as good as we wish it to be, but surprises still delight our hearts.

We don’t know much. We are kind of scared because of that.

But we cling to the threads of joy that we can.

So that our death shroud can glimmer slightly in the dark tomb of eternity. Because we are vain like that.

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “C’est la vie.

  1. Sweetheart, I sure hope you are feeling okay? This sounds like something I would write, and that just isn’t good. What I mean by “isn’t good” is it sounds like you may be having some depression or severe sadness issues. I know, as INFP’s we have our ups and downs, probably more than most, but we need to know when we can handle it on our own and when we need outside help. I know you don’t live in the USA, where I am, so I don’t know how your health care system is, but if you need some extra TLC be sure to get it. As a side, I have to say that here in the US, our whole health system has transformed and getting mental health care is next to impossible, and I’ve been without meds and without “someone to talk to” for near two years, because all the therapists under my “health plan” have no room for me.

    Since I really have nothing positive to add to any discussions, I shall go back to lurking.

    • Thank you for your concern, you lovely person. I am fine. It’s alright. Sometimes, I just get weighed down by these moods where the true reality of the world shoves itself up against my face, and I loathe what I see but can’t look away because it’s true. I will stay strong and continue existing. Psychological help is quite useless for me – they all speak down to me in the sessions I’ve had, and don’t understand me at all. This is a personal battle with existence, and I hope you can keep your chin up too. 🙂

    • Diary of a HSP INFP; I’m sorry that you have gone through moments of deep sadness and felt utterly helpless. I’m an HSP INFJ, so I can relate to your concern. I can’t imagine being denied the healthcare that I need because of a bunch of red tape. I’m horrified at the thought, in fact. You must be exceptionally resilient to have gone through those years and still find it in you to write about it and reach out to others in similar positions.

      However, it’s important to note that every individual goes through their own unique journey and the downs are intricate parts of that journey. The best thing to do is to let someone have their experiences, and simply validate what they are feeling at the moment. It’s ok to feel sad, to feel pain. But when we urge someone to feel differently then we are in effect doing harm by denying them their experience and feelings and invalidating them. It’s like doing homework for a child who is struggling with a task because you know the answer and therefore wish to do the child a favour by saving them the fuss of figuring out. But that is hampering growth and robbing the child of the ability to develop resilience and growth mindset.
      I’m not saying that someone who struggles is like a child, but it’s a simple simile.
      I’d venture to say that pain is the most important part of the journey because it lets us feel what we’ve evaded.

  2. Hello, I was reading your blog and can’t help but see a lot of sadness there. I don’t know how old you are, but if you are an adolescent just remember that these feelings are NORMAL and COMMON, despite how it may seem that ‘others’ are more adjusted to life than yourself. The teenage character we often see on TV and in films that is angsty and depressed is a common character for a reason: it’s the norm. Take it from someone who’s been there. I am now 28 and though as an ‘HSP INFP’ myself (I really hate using that label, but for simplicity sake I will) I am much more adjusted to ‘real life’ now, even if I sometimes wish it wasn’t as bleak as it is.

    In reality, the more you talk to people and ask them questions — and I strongly suggest you do! — the more you will realize that others (even those you often called ‘normal’ and well-adjusted to mundane life, in your journal) do, and will, relate to you. Most everyone is a dreamer. Most everyone struggles with existential woes and self-doubts. Most everyone agrees that the world we live in today is horrible, filled with senseless violence, lack of environmental concern, and too much emphasis on money. In fact, with all the onset of information about governmental and corporate deceit, many people are outraged, and many of us are doing something about it. There is a lot of fear-mongering in the media today, and distracting shenanigans, to keep you in the dark — purposefully. All humans enjoy simplicity and love. We are being conditioned to want otherwise, and this is creating a short circuiting in our collective psyche.

    I speak with a lot of people, many of which are grossly different from myself. I’ve spent many years going to parties and socializing with all these ‘extroverts’ you speak of, and they hurt, too, and also agree that the world they live in makes them sick. I think it’s easy to lump everyone into a category when you only observe them from afar. It’s easy to think no one sees it the way you do. Groups of people from a distance look wildly obscure, and possibly dangerous, but they are exactly as you and I. And those few who truly don’t give a damn, and are sociopathic by nature, well, rare as they are (though their numbers according to psychologists and sociologists are growing) are usually the ones who are controlling the media and the information we receive, and they are giving you a FALSE picture of reality.

    I recall you writing about being curious about the ‘office room’ with its leather and all, but being more impressed by the nursery (or something along those lines). Eventually the office will become more interesting to you, too. I mean office loosely. What I mean is ‘mundane’ life, and that which is ‘practical.’ After all, you have many years ahead of you and the key to happiness is exploration, you will eventually tire of the same old and begin to see new-found wonder in that which you previously thought of as ‘dull.’ I’m in that stage now. Mundane life becomes curious after years of spending time in ‘fantasy.’ Of course bureaucracy and the sort is annoying — but hey, nobody I ever met LIKES bureaucracy. You’re really not alone. The system is a big fraudulent piece of crap, and it no longer has power over you. This is why society is crumbling. Because as it is now, it fits NOBODY, and virtually nobody likes it (just the few who profit from it, and they are slowly becoming eradicated). Things will eventually sort themselves out.

    A book I’d highly recommend is Ishmael by Daniel Quinn. I think it’ll blow you away!

    Best of luck!

    I have loads of experience and you can always come to me with questions and concerns.

    Best,

    Margarita

    Please check out my tumblr if you have the time. I post loads of links, quotes and the like!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s