The Types Of Men An INFP Woman Might Marry

couple marriage

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Yes, yes, I know, O, maiden, thou does not need a man to complete thy life – and it seems a little ironic, to say the least, to write this after recently taking a vow of celibacy – but just because I have decided not to get into any relationships doesn’t mean I can’t speculate on the various types of people who might be suitable romantic candidates, which I shall detail in this post, and whom, I might add, are, as of yet, entirely the products of my imagination. Which accounts for the vow of celibacy, I suppose.

For those of you idealistic, sensitive men out there, and my heart does go out to you for your continued survival in a conformist society that tries to mold men into masculine archetypes – please feel free to change the gender of the following types of individuals to that of Female, or Male, depending on your preferences.

The Sensitive Artist

Marrying the Sensitive Artist, with his deep, soulful eyes and melancholy outlook on life, is sure to be rewarding – especially if he lives in a dingy attic that overlooks other rooftops in a romantic city, like, say, Paris.

The two of you can spend twilight evenings walking down the boulevards, past quaint cafes with green awnings and golden lights flickering behind the windows, other strolling couples, the odd bicycle rider passing by in a tinkle of bells, having deep, philosophical conversations.

Back at his “studio”, the prints cluttering the walls and the floor resembling multi-coloured puked-up guts can offer plenty of fodder for further philosophical thought – as an INFP, you are sure to discover the meaning of life in a splotch of red and green paint, or uncover a fantastical scene in something that looks like a dog’s breakfast after it has been partly digested. Your rapture at his artistic talent will satisfy him greatly.

In return, he will listen to your deepest desires and dreams, understand the despair you feel towards life and the world, and refer to you as his “Muse”, which you will brush off with an embarrassed air, smiling shyly, but secretly feel very pleased about. However, be prepared to pay for meals and other necessities while with him, and, when the man racks up hundreds of dollars in debt buying new easels and paint tubes, remain uncomplaining as you scrawl your signature onto the bill handed to you by the delivery man at the door.

Who knows: Through your experience with the Sensitive Artist, perhaps you will learn something new: that your INFP nonchalance towards money was wrong, and that no matter how “deep” a partner is, sometimes the depths of his pockets is a little more important.

The Good, Caring, Responsible Man

What INFPs need most of all from other people, and which they very rarely receive, is kindness; and this man is bound to provide this scarce resource in abundance.

He will care for you, just as if you were his own flesh and blood, treating you as the fragile, little creature you are: Helping you with real-world tasks, like filing for a savings account at the bank or getting your car registered; comforting you in the middle of the night when you start crying remembering something horrible you said to someone last year; and he will never berate you for being “too sensitive”, or “too quiet.”

No matter what happens to you in the outside world you can have the comfort of always returning to someone who will tell you that he loves you, and cooks you nice, warm meals to show you that he cares. Unfortunately, though he will be smart enough to work as a system’s manager at his accounting firm, chances are he will not possess a drop of imagination, and bore you to bits. In which case, you will have to decide which is more important: having your own equivalent of a talking pillow to soothe you after being battered by the vagaries of life, or someone you can intellectually connect with.

Intellectual stimulation is simple to obtain on your own, in the form of books and, well, more books, so perhaps it would be nice just to settle for someone who cares. Then again, books are fine company on their own, and, unlike this particular breed of the male species, never become too smothering.

The Executive

The Executive is assertive, confident, and bold – in other words, the ENTJ Myer-Briggs Personality type, who values rules, systems, actions and logic, and is the antithesis of the INFP personality type.

Isabel, creator of the Myer-Briggs Personality Type Test, however, has proclaimed the Executive to be the most compatible with the Dreamers. Though I have yet to completely puzzle out her reasoning – the two personalities could not be any more different – nevertheless, it does not require too great a leap of the imagination to envision the Executive being charmed by the INFP’s air of mysterious shyness, and the INFP attracted to the Executive’s boldness and social ease. After all, we often admire what we lack in ourselves, and opposites, as they say, do attract.

In this relationship, regardless of what gender you are, who the dominant partner is clearly defined. You will always have someone to tug you down from the clouds back to earth  with his rational thought processes, thereby helping you to take action rather than daydream your life away; but be prepared, as he is a predominantly logical thinking, to sometimes have your feelings trampled over, and to pick up your battered heart from the floor at the end of a long day.  On the other hand, expect good conversations, as both of you, being intuitive, will probably enjoying imagining the future together, and developing long-term plans.  You will also not have to worry about having your bank account drained, as this type of man is often quite successful in the career, usually opting to work in lucrative fields such as business.

Ultimately, he will be appear powerful and dynamic – captivating, even – but this relationship is liable to go down in flames unless either he grows a little more sensitive to your feelings, or you grow a little tougher in order to withstand his constructive criticism. Still, it can be the basis for a good partnership, and you may even find yourself peeping a little more out of your shell due to his influence, growing a tougher exoskeleton – but, if I were you, I’d stick with the books for less heartache in the long run.

The Quiet Writer

For those INFPs out there who are fond of writing themselves and are looking into it as a career, the Quiet Writer has the ability to offer the perfect partnership – it will be practically like dating yourself! A shared love of literature will be the glue that binds the two of you together, and dates will probably consist of visits to the bookshop or the library, tottering back to the car with tiny towers of novels balanced in your respective arms.

The rest of your time together will probably be spent sitting together or in separate rooms writing or reading, with the occasional visit to the other’s room or lifting of eyes from the page, to comment on what one has read, or written, and ask for additional input regarding it. Birthday presents will be books, and more books, and for the two of you, the idea of a good evening is to sit, side-by-side, at the kitchen table, upon which lies an open dictionary, and giggle over the strange words that exist in the English Language – erinaceous, for instance, which means to resemble a hedgehog. The next morning, you will say to the Quiet Writer, as he awakens with scruffy bed-hair beside you, “My darling, you look most erinaceous,” and the two of you will burst into laughter again. By all accounts it sounds like the perfect relationship, but there is always the chance, the two of you being equally retiring and antisocial, for the relationship to dwindle away into something that more resembles two roommates, sharing a living space, than  anything romantic or loving. But, you know, at least you’ll have plenty of books.

I hope this selection of potential mates has given you some food for thought. Do not forget that dating is not confined to Myer-Briggs Personality Types, and that any personality type can fall in love with any personality type, as each of us are too complex and nuanced to be encapsulated by four mere letters.

I, however, in the process of writing it,  certainly came to some conclusions of my own – namely, that, well, as long as I have books, there is very little else I need; but, we all desire companionship, sooner or later, so it’s best to keep an open mind regarding such things, even if having a partner, though it might be an evolutionary imperative, is not exactly a psychological necessity. This should not rule out the possibility of one enjoying having someone warm to curl up against at night, when your heart is too cold, and the world is too big.

But, then again, you could just get a cat for that – much less maintenance.


32 thoughts on “The Types Of Men An INFP Woman Might Marry

  1. I tend to go all droolly over the dominant/thinking business exec types. It’s so strange and awkward, being a feminist and needing my independence, but there’s something about their confidence and logic that balance out my own dreamy nature. Of course, I usually frustrate them so quickly that we never end up getting into a true relationship. Le sigh. INFPs are hard work, apparently.

    • Oh my, kindred spirit, I do know what you mean, on a very deep level; it’s so horrible, desiring someone’s attention, when you wish to be above all that, a strong and independent creature. It has progressed to the point where I begin to dislike those I “like”, because they make myself feel needy, or act in a way that seems like I am looking for their validation. To be honest, I don’t think a relationship could work out, at least not for this INFP. It’s just an odd, odd attraction, that will only ever exist in our daydreams; we are just too fundamentally different. At least, that has been the case for me. And you know rejection hurts us sensitive dreamers a thousand times more, and those types of people can be a little on the blunt side. But, what I am trying to say is, I feel you. I honestly, honestly do.

  2. I know, it’s such a vicious cycle, falling for someone who finds you fascinating because your mind works so differently, but they’re also too cold or impatient to take the time to “get” you. I can see a lasting relationship in that dynamic being abusive to the INFP. Of course, maybe it could work. Lords knows, I’ll probably fall for another guy of this personality type. Ahahaha. It’s just hard because we’re so picky. Do you find that? So when you do actually fall for someone, you hope so much that it works out. Rejection can be deadly for INFPs when it happens too often. Guard yourself, as hard as it is. I’ve almost reached the point of no return, but you’re still super young. Don’t let the monsters ruin your beautiful heart.<3

    • Oh dear, your other comment fell through the cracks! I am exceedingly sorry, I love your twitter posts, by the way! They’re totally too cold or impatient to take the time to get to know you—sometimes, they write you off before you even know you’ve been written off! We are picky, and I did fall for a guy of that personality type, too, and for me, it was a huge mess. Basically, I was so socially anxious I couldn’t even speak up, and he misconstrued this as disinterest and got angry. Yep. That happened. I will try to guard myself! It’s been 3 years, and I’m no long the sapling I once was, but I won’t let these abusive monsters ruin my life. Thank you so much, and I once again apologise for your comment falling through the cracks. Take care, and I hope you’re well, and writing those wonderful works of yours. ❤

      • Thank you so much. 🙂 ❤ No worries at all. I am very glad that you have been doing better since. I still seem to attract the monster types, or at least, they become monsters when they're with me – even when I stand my ground & don't do what they tell me to do. But like you, I've matured & I don't allow them to rule me like I used to.

        • I’m glad. Since that one guy, I haven’t attracted any more monster types, although I haven’t really been going out and about that much, and more focusing on myself and my commitments. The two guys I dated recently were friendly and lovely, but I felt no attraction towards them at all. I hope one day I find someone attractive who is kind and nice. It’s good that you’re stronger and able to stand your ground with them now—good on you! ❤

          • That is really good to hear! And yes, you certainly can & will meet someone who is both attractive to you & respectful. I’ve been out of the dating scene for a long time myself, too. I’ve met some people randomly, as friends, and a couple of them turned out to be trolls/narcs/socios. Thankfully, I could see right through it & didn’t get in too deep with any of them. Disappointing, of course, because we all just want someone who’s relatively normal & supportive – friend or otherwise. LOL

  3. Wow I can totally relate to you in your attraction towards that strong, logical brash type of male. I just had a very short lived affair with one, a tall muscular model from Ireland who literally wooed me by picking me up in the air. As quick as he entered my life, quickly he departed. I think he wanted more obvious passion/emotionality from me. Oh the joys of an infp (mixed in with some intp) – a hybrid.

  4. Oh I’d marry any one of these ❤ I've always been attracted to a calm and easy going, yet suddenly intense and protective sort of man, someone who's soft for only you. I don't know why, I'm just fascinated by the private vulnerability. A man who protects what he loves is lovely to me, especially because I never felt safe. And I believe you have to protect yourself it's not that I'm incapable of doing so, but having some extra muscle doesn't hurt haha. Being strong and on guard is tiresome, it's nice to hear someone say "I'll get that for you, love." or "you don't have to worry, I'm here." He doesn't have to tick every box I'm not looking for a perfect person. Just someone who's really kind to me, doesn't see my traits as flaws, but as beautiful. :3 I just wish that wasn't so hard to come by. I don't mind cynicism and stand offish people, as long as they warm up to me.

  5. Do you have met ENTJ man? what do you think about him then? :3
    I can’t easily realize what type the person I know is.. But I tend share to them about MBTI, wkwkwk.
    I know ENTP man an he is really adorable xD I enjoy talk to him, at times I often think does he feel the same or I only make his time past useless. But I know that he is not the judging type, he see throught the people and respect them 🙂

  6. Hey there, it’s another INFP. You made my day with this post!! xD With such choice, no wonder we stay single for a long time… I had an artist lover once, so sensitive that I had to walk him home because he was afraid of the bad people lurking in the dark and wanting to beat him up. As you imagine, it didn’t last long. I would never go for an ESTJ either. They’re obnoxious.

    • Aw, your artist sounds like such an adorable guy, though maybe not boyfriend material. Some can be, but the ESTJ woman I once knew was the most wonderful outspoken person you ever met who was unbelievably passionate about human rights issues. I think ENTJs can be worse—arrogant and unfeeling. I’m glad you liked the post. Thanks for reading. ❤

  7. Well ENTJ here… very interesting post, for sure… I can say from my own past relationship experiences as well from my own personal growth, INFP’s are definitely my ideal mate. I really admire their creative & intuitive natures, I really feel compelled to just create a platform for them to have the freedom to create you know? because I feel like they have aloot to offer this world, they just tend to be hindered by something even if that something is standing in their own way… but I still believe in them and their vast creative potential… I could see this pairing working beautifully, marriage wise. Married to a wealthy ENTJ, she doesnt have to worry about the bills, I got that, she doesnt have to worry about cooking & cleaning, I hired chef & Butler team for that, She doesnt have to worry about those mundane things, she just needs to be there for our kids when I am off at work crushing my competitors souls all day, she just needs to be there for me as well as for her Art. I really appreciate the deep intellectual experience through our conversations as well as her creativity, her soft and nurturing presence turns me into a bit of a softy myself, something not alot of people can elicit out of me… but anyway, those are my thoughts…

    • Gosh, you make me wish I was your partner! Not really, haha; this is not the time and place to making romantic advances, dear dreamer! Stupid, me. Anyway. The picture you painted kind of sounds like my ideal life, really; and everything, literally all of it, in regards to INFPs is spot-on. You know, I actually met a really handsome and lovely ENTJ once—but he turned out to be homosexual, unfortunately. I was devastated! Nevermind. Gosh. That sure sounds like one lovely married life. You should definitely try to find an INFP in this world; I think it’ll be one of the paths to happiness for you. Love, Dreamerrambling xx

  8. I married the responsible, kindhearted, good man. He’s a sweet ENFJ type that always treats me with kindness, always treats me fairly, and is burly and soft at the same time. The hard part, being an INFP, is that we are discomforted by comfort. We grow bored if there isn’t pain or at least struggle. I often find myself wishing he were a bit more complex, a bit more dark, a bit more aggressive with me. Even though I am sensitive, and I know I don’t want a long-term partner that has the Executive qualities (good for sex, bad for anything else) or that is my same type The Sensitive Writer (could be your soul mate, could be absolute hell and financial ruin), I sometimes long for those qualities in my current person. But perfectionism has no place in a partnership. Very thankful He chose me in the end.

    • Definitely! I’m glad he chose you in the end, too, he sounds like a wonderful man. Yes, while ENTJS might be more sexual ly attractive, as long-term partners, they aren’t necessarily the best bet. I wish you many years of happiness with your kind and sweet ENFJ.

    • When I read those choices in the main article, I also thought that the responsible, good, kind-hearted man would be most suitable of the given choices. Actually, if I had to name the two qualities most important to me in my future husband, it would be kindness and the courage to do what needs to be done, a.k.a. what is right. In the past, I have been attracted to very lively, exciting guys (like an ESFP, for one), but while the relationship was fun while the fun lasted, I discovered we really had a hard time connecting with each other on a deeper level when the fun subsided. And reading the description for the good, kind-hearted man, it seems to me like a relationship with this type of man might also be lacking in that deeper connection. Do you find that to be the case in your relationship? And does that type of man have the courage to stand up and do what is right even when it is difficult?

      Things don’t seem much better (in fact, they seem a lot worse) when I read the descriptions of the other types listed in this article. My impressions of the sensitive artist and the quiet writer (as based on real life) are that, while I can connect with them on art and literature, they seem to be rather self-absorbed and don’t really (or can’t) seem to care for their partner. And as for the executive types, they can get very callous and disrespectful. They tend to see themselves as superior, and when they see exploitable sensitivity, they beat you down mercilessly and relentlessly.

  9. Hey there! Fellow INFP here. I would definitely say that the Executive ENTJ is a mbti type I have a crush on. Next to that are INTJs. Just something about these types sounds nice to a girl who can’t stop watching clouds go by and get her shit together. I actually really appreciate how blunt these guys are and admire the ambition and passion that they have in their goals and favorite topics. It’s truly amazing.

    • Yes! They are. I haven’t met an INTJ male before, but I had an extreme crush on an ENTJ all throughout highschool. He was the love of my (teenage) life. They are polar opposites, and I think, in this case,opposites really do attract. They are very appealing. 🙂

  10. Just came across your blog recently! Bookmarked it 😀
    I’m an Infp (actually more like an outgoing introvert!), and my two serious relationships were with an ENFJ and INTJ (he was also more of an ambivert actually). How interesting! I find the two types compatible with me in their own ways, but flawed also in the way you described! That’s crazy! I sometimes go back and forth about regretting breaking up with the ENFJ, but i guess i’ll never know since he’s married now haha

    • I’m so glad you like my blog, and found it related to your own life. I’ve only ever dated an ESFJ, and let me tell you, that was not a walk in the park and we were entirely incompatible. Thanks for reading. ❤

  11. I am a female INFP and married an ISFJ man…. Basically the description of the good, caring, responsible man, BUT with a surprisingly vivid imagination hiding beneath the practicality! It is the most impossibly wonderful match I could have imagined, which is saying a lot. I was so afraid that the reality of love and marriage would be disappointing, compared to my make believe expectations of fairy tales and love … It is better than I ever dreamed real life could be!

    • Wow, that’s absolutely amazing! I’m so glad you’ve found such a fairytale kind of love. And a caring man with a great imagination? How wonderful! I’m afraid of the same thing, and your story has definitely given me hope. I wish you and your husband so much joy and happiness.

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