20 Tips For Depressed Loners

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1. Other people—namely, your family, because friends, at least in the flesh-and-blood, are a myth—will most likely not understand your depression, and after a while, your moaning and general languor will begin to irritate them. Therefore, it is best to be sad on your own, rather than seek company for your misery.

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2. Do not overeat, using food as a substitute for company and happiness. After the deed is done, this will only make you feel worse.

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3. Often, the catch-22 loners have to face is that while they are, deep down, extremely lonely, at the same time, social contact affords such a great degree of discomfort that it’s easier just to stay by themselves. You have two options for fixing this: one is to throw yourself into your work, and the other is to try and socialise in small doses.

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4. Socialising in small doses may not work for you. For me, I find that most people usually either do not understand me, or areon a “different wavelength”, so socialising tends to make me feel more lonely than being on my own. Therefore, it is best to find a hobby or a passion, preferably something that will allow you to build up a skill to create an income further down the line, in order to distract yourself from the loneliness.

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5. Remember, loneliness is just a feeling: and more often it is fear of loneliness than the loneliness itself that causes the most pain. Everyone is lonely, and millions of people right this moment, I guarantee, are feeling just as alone and miserable. You’re not alone in your loneliness.

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6. In the midst of a depressive episode, do not, under any circumstances, engage in any self-harm, and that includes tiny forms of self-sabotage like extensive procrastination. Hurting yourself, in any way, does not relieve the pain, it just increases it.

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7. Force yourself not to dwell on the suffering in the world and the meaninglessness of life by reminding yourself that thinking about it won’t change anything, or have any impact whatsoever except to make you miserable.

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8. Write out your feelings. People who are lonely and depressed usually suffered some sort of trauma in their past. If you write about it, it can be cathartic, and healing.

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9. The self, what you call “I”, is, at least I believe this to be the case, an illusion. We are all each other, only we can experience life on a time; we are the bees, the cats, we are every person who has lived, breathed, and died, and who still lives today. Thus, loneliness is an illusion also.

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10. For those of you who are imaginative loners, who tend to idealise people and fantasize a great deal, don’t think that finding the love of your life, someone who loves you and understands you, will fix anything. It won’t. Even in a relationship, you will still sometimes get depressed, and you will still sometimes feel lonely. Loneliness is a part of the human existence, and no amount of closeness to another person can change that fact.

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11. Death is the only certainty in life. Death and taxes, as they say. With this being the case, this means that the moment of your death is what you should spend your life preparing for. For depressed loners like yourself, it’s important to see what’s really important: dying on your deathbed without regrets. Friends, family, love—these things are good. But they are not enough to bring meaning to most people’s lives. Accomplishment gives people meaning. So always have your eye on the prize, which is to die knowing you did what you wanted to do, made and created what you wanted to exist in the world.

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12. Having children won’t make you feel less lonely. I used to daydream of having the perfect little boy, who I could treasure and love, and who would love me in return. I would take him to the library, read him bedtime stories, kiss him goodnight. I had no love in my life, so this fantasy was appealing because I have a deep capacity for love, and I believed if I loved a child, unconditionally, they would shower me with affection in return. But the truth is a child won’t heal you. A child is their own person, perhaps someone with a personality markedly different from your own. Maybe they might not like reading. And most of all, a child grows up. They will turn into a stranger. Everyone does. A child is not a panacea to your woes.

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13. I am stating this again because it is so important: find your passion, find your hobby. When I write, lost in the words, in worlds, I am not lonely. I may not necessarily be happy—writing can be excruciating—but I am not lonely. I am not lonely because I am absorbed and occupied. I am not lonely because I am grappling with many different characters, it’s like trying to see into the thoughts of a roomful of people chattering into your eyes all at once. Find an occupation to lose yourself in.

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14.  Read. Escape. Write. What I don’t recommend is watching films or videos, unless they’re work-related, because watching other humans laugh, have fun, kiss, have fun with their families and play with their children will only send you into a deeper depression.

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15. Start a blog. Starting this blog was one of the best things I did for my mental health. Through this blog, I found friends, I found kindness—and most of all, I found appreciation for who I was, received gratitude from people who read my words and related to them.

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16.  Imagine yourself as someone else, if you can. This is why writing is the perfect occupation for depressed loners. By writing through the eyes of other characters, you get to escape who you are, and your own life, if only for a little while. Some people might see this kind of escapism as unhealthy. It’s not. It’s one of the best and, if you’re a writer, most productive ways to cope with the temperament you were doled at birth.

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17.  Enjoy your peace and solitude. Let’s face it, if you’re a true loner, loneliness is a small price to pay for your beloved silence. Don’t forget, you’re a loner because you like being alone, because it makes you more creative, because being around people, except for your family, for longer than a minute makes you extremely uncomfortable. So embrace it, even when it gets lonely.

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18. Remind yourself of the cardinal rule of life, which is that at the end of day, you live for yourself, and you are all you have. No-one else can write that book for you. No-one else can make you work. No-one can understand completely and utterly except you. You are your own best friend. Everyone who existed throughout the history of humanity was, deep down, alone; that, however, didn’t stop them from helping to create the world you see around you today.

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19. If you are a loner and you have family, even when they rebuff you, even if you’re not particularly close to them, be grateful for their existence. In my case, without my family, I would be homeless. Be glad you have some people in the world by your side.

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20. There are worse things than loneliness. There are worse things than depression. Compared to other people in the world, you have it very, very good, and don’t really have any right to complain. Instead, put your head down, and get to work. Oh, and sing. Singing helps.

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6 thoughts on “20 Tips For Depressed Loners

  1. Hello Dreaming Living Loving, I have been reading through your blog and a great deal of the stuff in here has really resonated with me. I have been Googling INFP stuff for a great deal of time this week and am really in desperate need for advice from an INFP regarding a few things. If possible – could I maybe be in contact with you for a few emails? I promise I won’t burden you too much. It’s just to iron out some things in my head, mainly relationship based things haha. Thank you! 🙂 I am an ENFP btw, haha. But I have tested as INFP several times too.

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