Another personality test I am very fond of, apart from the MBTI, is the Enneagram Personality Test. I have completed this test twice in my lifetime, and each time, I tested as Enneagram Type 4, as many INFPs often do. From reading various descriptions of Enneagram Type 4, one particular phrase remained in my mind, even after all these years: “Fours are prone to fantasizing about a savior who will rescue them from their unhappiness.” Continue reading
I get depressed about death, or at least the idea of it, and I am afraid of never being happy or finding love or writing the books I need to write before I die.
But what bothers me more than anything, and has since I was five years old, is the fact that I am alive and conscious, a tiny human being, living in this tiny speck of time. Continue reading
Well I think I lay down about three hours ago, and those three hours promptly vanished in a whirlwind of thoughts and fantasies, leaving me none the closer to sleep itself. One of the most puzzling thing for insomniacs is how it is possible for time to pass so quickly when you are doing nothing except lying there lost in your own mind. Continue reading
Well, it certainly feels like a while since I’ve written anything on this blog, though I don’t suppose it matters very much. The reason for this, however, is that for the past few days—or has it been a week? I’m not too sure, the days have all run together—I fell into the worst depressive funk since last year, and it took some awful scrabbling and scrambling, not to mention long nights of gritted teeth, to climb back out of it. Continue reading
Like most of you, throughout the course of my life, I have faced my share of emotional abuse from various people. This has, in many ways, strengthened who I am, but as an excruciatingly sensitive and anxious person, they have also dealt their fair share of trauma and affected me perhaps a little more than they would have more thick-skinned people. Continue reading
“Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.”
― Mahatma Gandhi
A good motto to live by as any, is it not?
Everyone, or almost everyone, when they begin any endeavour, try to reach any goal, either for their own sake or someone else’s, find themselves running up against their own insignificance. Continue reading
There are some people who just have “it”.
It is hard to define what this “it” is, but you know it when you see it—or, more accurately, feel it. Continue reading
Like the orphan who stands in the snow and looks through a glass-paned window at a family gathered around a Christmas tree by the light of a warm fireplace, I have in my years stood countless times on the sidelines watching others socialise, envy burning a hole in my gut, yearning seared into my eyes, even as my features molded themselves into an expression of indifference or disdain and I quietly took myself off to the library. Continue reading
I am sensitive to kindness. Other people can sometimes tell at a glance whether a woman or man is in a relationship, or what their sexuality is, or your socioeconomic background from with a quick perusal of their clothes and accessories. Continue reading
Which is more difficult—mental or physical work?
In many ways, both have their difficulties, their hardships. Physical exertion is hard on the body, it makes you sweat and your body ache from fatigue, whereas mental exertion, if very strenuous, makes one feel as though one’s brain is being pulled through a ringer. Continue reading