A Rambling Diary Entry

bridge.jpg

What to write about? For once, my ideas ran dry when I put my fingers to the keys, and I found myself completely at a loss as to what to say. So I’ll just let this piece be a stream of consciousness, kind of like a diary entry, and I hope you find some worth in it.

It’s strange, but I feel as though only now am I beginning to see life clearly and properly. As a kid, everything was so fun and every little thing a “big deal”, but now, as I’ve grown older, I’m finding life to be quite ordinary and mundane, even the exciting things, like going on holidays. Granted, I haven’t been going on holidays, but I have been watching tours of countries of Europe on Youtube, and that is almost just as good as visiting the places yourself, and it seems to me something even as fun as travelling could get boring after a while, if you do it for long enough. None of the books I read I find interesting anymore, nor do I find any movies particularly riveting. Life has turned into a blank canvas, and there’s no-one to paint on it to make it look more interesting, not even myself.

What is life, anyway? A blip, really, a short little nick on the surface of consciousness. One moment we are alive, the next we are dead and gone, returned as matter to the universe, to rot in the ground and float away as ashes on the wind. It just seems so pointless, sometimes, though I know people say that life is meant to be an adventure and you’re meant to go along it for the ride. But what if the ride is going very slowly, or has completely stopped? Then what? I’m still very young, and have years ahead of me, and suddenly I’m not looking forward to them with anticipation but with dread, because they promise only more boredom, the same old mundane reality as before. Wouldn’t it be amazing if something truly out of the ordinary happened, like a mass quarantine to prevent the spread of a disease, or something like that? Not anything that would truly hurt people very much, just something to spice things up a little, the way a fire drill might make school more exciting. Or if the Hunger games really started to happen? No, I take that back: that would be horrific, not exciting; but you get my drift. I just desperately want something to happen, something to break the monotony.

I suppose once I start studying and get myself occupied doing more things than just blogging things will seem much less bleak. Occupation, I’ve found, is the true antidote to boredom, and I can’t wait to start studying and then working, hopefully as a nurse in the near future, so that I have something to do with my time. Being useful, having some utility in this world, and working steadily most days, is, I believe the secret to happiness, not wealth and riches, because that can lead to boredom and idleness. There are only so many diamond rings you can buy and designer clothes you can try on before the “rich life” becomes dull. Let’s see. What else is there to say? I made chicken bone soup today. I bought the chicken myself, cooked it, made it into some chicken sushi, then I boiled the bones with some purple coins for a couple of hours in a pot on the stove. The broth was quite thin, but it was still a pale brown and full of nutrients, so that was nice. That, in case you were wondering, was the highlight of my day yesterday, making food, because I didn’t end up writing a blog post because I didn’t know what to write about. From now on, though, I’ll try to write everyday, if only for something to do, even if most of what I write is aimless like this piece. At the very least I am still writing. I have entirely given up on my fiction writing, my ideas have completely run dry and I have not a smidge of creativity left in my brain. It’s true. I don’t know how it happened, I don’t know why, but along with the boredom has come a dearth of creative ideas. I’m really not the happiest camper at the moment, and I certainly hope you’re doing much better than I am.

 

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “A Rambling Diary Entry

  1. I get what you mean. I’ve found that another way to help this is to try and remember the strange parts of each day; perhaps someone will smile at you on the street, or a bird might do something unusual. Perhaps even stare at the rain and imagine yourself dancing out there. It isn’t a cure for the monotony, but it takes your mind from it momentarily. The more you do it then the more each day has a tinge of a unique spice.

  2. You’ve been writing so often about malaise and lack of purpose, and I completely get it. I wish I could tell you exactly how much I get it, but it’s difficult for me to express my emotions deeply. I’ve written an article about life and how to break through monotony, and if you decide to take a look at it, I hope you find it encouraging, at the very least. I do not just wish to express my empathy, I wish to help you out.

    In case you aren’t up to reading the article, I’ll give you the brief run-down: Everything depends on the choices you make. In your other “ramble,” you stressed how you were wishing for a miracle, something to shake you out of the flatness and depression. This will get you nowhere; “Time spent wishing is time wasted.” You’re a dreamer, and you need to act upon those dreams. If you do not feel like writing, write. Even if the words are just incomprehensible chicken-scratch, it is better to write that than wallow in self-doubt. Do not wait for others to change and make choices that will affect you—”You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” Small steps lead to big changes. And you’re right, life is not an adventure—unless you make it so.

    • Thank you so much for your wonderful advice. It’s true, what you say is completely correct, but I’m in an absolute slump at the moment because I simply cannot churn out anything but blog posts. I have no creative ideas at all. It’s terrible. So I’ll have to just wait until the ideas come, but in the meantime, I’ll be still practising my writing skills through my blog posts. So thank you very much for your advice, but I fear my creative spark may have extinguished itself completely this time.

      • I see.

        I just want to say that scrolling through your past blog posts, I am simply amazed at the way you wield language and ideas onto paper. Truly—each post is even more moving than the last. Even if you cannot write as much as you’d like to, believe me when I say that that creative storyteller is still inside you, and you will come out of this as an even stronger, more inspiring and intelligent writer than you are now. Your “rambles” are a hundred times more heartfelt than many of the YA novels people find themselves wrapped-up in these days, and I have no doubt that when your stories hit the shelves, people will adore them just as much and more.

        Again; please don’t just wish. Believe in yourself and your words, and focus what little energy you have into the writing you can muster. It takes persistence and patience before the end-goal is well within sight, but making excuses to give up is only giving in—to no avail.

      • Thank you for your beautiful, comforting words. Recently I’ve picked up writing again, and you’re perfectly right, it’s a long, slow slog, but definitely worth it. No matter how many times I put my pen down, I always pick it back up, and while I still don’t believe I could ever get published yet, I am much more hopeful about the future and happy with my output.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s