INFPs and Work-Related Stress

infp girl.jpg

Well, I think—I think—I may just have perhaps over the last week induced a fever through work-related stress.

Yes. An actual fever. A low-grade one of 37.5°C (99.5 °F), to be exact.

I mean, I knew I was wildly stressed-out; after all, not only did the job  entail plenty of draining chit-chat in the form of customer service, but it was also quite physically strenuous, as I was on my feet all day, with only one break in-between, walking around the store. I knew, as the weeks passed, that my stress levels were building. That I was pushing myself too far. That dealing with people non-stop, day after day, would take its slow, but terrible toll, on me, especially wrangling with less-than-polite and sometimes downright sweetly-mean customers.

The signs of stress started off innocently enough. A painful pimple here and there, which I put a little cream on and hoped would go away. Some small, devilish canker sores on the inside of my mouth. Then things started to upgrade themselves, and I woke up one morning with a searing, throbbing pain on either side of the back of my mouth, and discovered my gums had swollen there, become red and painful and inflamed.

By the next sunrise, the fever came on, and I found myself bedridden and calling in sick for work, my body aching all over and a headache pounding at my temples like a hammer.

That was Wednesday. It’s Saturday now, and I have finally recovered enough to be able to sit at my laptop (after buying an extendable keyboard, since the letter “t” has stopped malfunctioning on the laptop’s keyboard) and write. I still feel pretty bad, to be honest—my gums are still swollen and painful enough for me to feel as though my body is quietly torturing me, and I still feel a little shivery—but the need to write came upon me like an insatiable urge, and I had to do it.

Look, let me just say it: INFPs are fragile creatures. What I just wrote about is a clear example of just how delicate people like us can be. And I’m not the only one. Lots of INFPs I’ve read about, or who have reached out to me through this blog, suffer from career dissatisfaction and unbearable, work-related stress because of our gentle personalities and fragile souls. That’s a fact.

We are not as strong as other people, not mentally or physically. And by physically, I mean our constitutions, our immune systems. We are soft, and sensitive. Stress can strike us down just as bad as any virus, and a spiteful word or look is enough to cut us to the bone, or make us feel physically sick. There’s simply no way of getting around it—trust me, I’ve tried.

Actually, you know what, I don’t think I’m making it clear just how fragile a lot of INFPs are. Sure, we have our books, our big, powerful imaginations, but all of that is spiritual, cerebral. Everything else that makes up a human being, in us, is soft and delicate beyond belief. Fear of the meaninglessness of life is enough to exhaust us. In case that still isn’t clear enough—if we just spend too much time thinking about life and death, we get tired. Our souls get tired. Our will to live, and be happy and animated, shrinks. As a highly sensitive person on top of that, places like brightly-lit shopping centres or loud and busy roads add extra stress, bombarding my senses until I want to just curl up under some blankets somewhere and hide, and lose myself in a daydream.

A quiet, simple and slow life is the healthiest life for us to lead. I, for one, when allowed to at my own pace, take everything simply, slowly and quietly. I do not type these words with the crazed fervor of someone struck by the creative muse—in fact, even when struck by the muse, which happens rarely, I still type at a relatively steady pace. When left to my own ends, I am the tortoise, plodding and slow, gentle and soft, in everything I do. Wolfing down food too fast makes me feel ill. Too much high-intensity cardio exercise contributes to stress build-up in my body (which is why I always jog for short intervals, never run at high-intensity for a long period of time). Sunlight after a bad or average night’s sleep is horrific, which is why I much prefer the night, and rainy or cloudy days. I don’t race through books. I read them slowly, savouring the words, sometimes re-reading sentences because they’re just so pretty. I am quite skinny, pale, and perpetually absent-minded.

.

Whereas the modern workplace? Bright, artificial lights. Loud voices, raised in chatter and talk. Constant verbal communication, and, if you’re working in customer service like I am at the moment, never-ending false cheeriness. Physically strenuous marching up and down the store, to tackle customers, move from one display shelf to the next. Long hours spent standing on my feet at the cash register. No-one there understands me, so I have to employ my acting skills and pretend I am talkative and robust just like the other employees or run the risk of being told by my boss to “to put in more effort”. Really, if it wasn’t for the money, I would have tossed in the towel long ago. Probably my first week. But I gritted my teeth and stuck with it—I needed to help cover living expenses, and pay for upcoming nursing school fees—and sort of muddled through the whole thing in a kind of painful daze, and then everything just blew up and I found myself lying in bed, feeling like a corpse, and staring at the ceiling.

Am I going to go back to that job after I’m better? Yes. Probably. I don’t know. For a while, I was on government benefits, but that was a pittance, and getting the money involved applying for job after job, engaging in interview after interview, and it was simply not a good way to live for the long-term. I don’t think anyone would want to live on government benefits for an extended period of time. Not only is the money not enough to cover basic needs, not to even mention school fees or supplies, but you feel rotten while you’re on it, with the sense that the government is breathing down your back everyday, nudging you to be a good, hard-working citizen like everyone else, you lazy “dole bludger”. I want to contribute to society like everyone else.

It’s just difficult to find a proper job suitable for people like me, INFPs, that allows us to be both compensated for work and not severely taxed by the requirements of the position.

I am seriously re-thinking my long-term goal of becoming a mental health nurse. At the very least, if I do continue pursuing that path, I can only work part-time. After this job, at a busy pharmacy in a customer service role, I have become all too aware of my limits.

Which brings me to the question: what should I do with my life? How should I earn a living, when all I really like to do is daydream, write and read?

Obviously, being a professional writer comes to mind, but that’s out of the question for now—I’m still writing, but none of the books I’ve sent out have received any replies from publishers. As for this blog, well, while it has built itself up over the years, traffic isn’t high enough for me to warrant buying a domain name and getting any money from advertisements.

I did consider starting a Patreon for my blog, dreamerrambling.wordpress.com, so that people can choose to donate, if they want, for each blog post I put out, even if it’s just a dollar. To somehow try and become self-employed, through the expertise and knowledge I have accumulated over the years about the INFP personality, based on research, personal experience, writing on this blog, and talking to other INFPs. In my imagination, I fancy myself a kind of INFP guru, or fairy godmother, who whisks a magical wand and—writes about secrets inside the hearts of INFPs, the daydreams, the struggles and tears, the love and joy.

These are all possibilities, Tenuous ones, I must admit, because I don’t know if I have the readership to do such a thing, or if anyone would be interested at all in donating or supporting my blog posts. Or how exactly to go about offering services—maybe advice columns?—that would be enough to create my own business and become self-employed. Really, I have no experience in anything of the sort, and kind of find myself expecting it to fall over on its face if I try, like a puppy taking its first steps.

In the end, as with everything in life, and in the healthiest possible way for INFPs, I will take it slow, and steady. I will be quiet, and gentle about things, as I naturally am, and we will see what comes of it. I hope you are all in good health, and doing much better in your lives than I am.

—Dreamerrambling

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20 thoughts on “INFPs and Work-Related Stress

      • Yeah bc the world wont always adjust. 😦 its alright though to be out of the comfort zone every once in a while. 🙂

      • I agree—sorry for the late reply, I was away for quite a while—sometimes it’s good to get out of one’s comfort zone, but not to overdo it, or push ourselves to do something that is actually unnecessary, like choke our true personalities just to make others like you more. Take care.

  1. Sorry to hear you’ve been ill and just wanted to say I hear you and understand 100% about feeling incredibly strained and stressed at work. My job is the same, requiring all-day interaction with people, and it is slowly killing me. I have also reached the same conclusion that INFP’s are extremely delicate in nature and easily overwhelmed by the world; we’re just not cut out for a “normal” workplace. I sometimes feel like an appropriate job for me simply doesn’t exist (I’ve tried a few things over the years but always end up so burnt out).

    I’m in the same situation as you currently, trying to work out what I could do and how I could support myself that isn’t also going to make me feel chronically exhausted and sick. I like your idea of being independent/freelance and having a small business, though I’m afraid I don’t have any advice to offer as I am equally confused. Anyway, just wanted to let you know you’re not alone in this struggle and I wish you all the very best in finding work that is gentler and slower; work that is better suited to the delicate INFP constitution!

    • Oh, it’s comforting to know someone else is in the same boat (but of course, it’d be better if neither of us were in the boat in the first place), and I hope you find a better work life/ balance in this world eventually. I mean, I don’t have high hopes of us INFPs ever truly finding our place in this world in terms of careers, or feeling truly happy in any job except some really introverted ones like writing (and even that has it’s own problems, loneliness and so forth), but we will keep on trying, and struggling, I guess. I wish you all the best—take care. ❤

      • Thank you for the kind words. Yes, I don’t think there’s necessarily a “perfect” job out there for INFP and highly sensitive types and it is perhaps necessary to create our own unconventional jobs/lives instead. Luckily we’re an imaginative bunch so here’s hoping we can come up with a unique, creative solution to this whole work dilemma one day. 🙂

  2. “Fear of the meaninglessness of life is enough to exhaust us.”
    This whole paragraph I can relate. I’ve been trying to keep myself quite busy so as not to let these feelings sneak up on me, but wow, they do so anyway! And often enough. It’s strange, I feel like these existential tendencies might be part of our personality, not just a temporary mental state. Anyone else feel this way?

    Dreamer, I can’t imagine how you have done it, but the fact that you’re still persisting in this job is incredible. You’re strong, despite you saying you’re not. Have you ever observed your coworkers? I feel that it’s very possible that most of them, if not all, feel the way you do about this job (or work in general), and are trying to mask it from one another just as you do.

    I am honestly worried about my future. There are so many things I’m interested in, but not a single one of them make much of a profit in the real world (big INFP shocker, right?).

    Keep writing, Dreamer. Your words are always comforting, despite their being about a stressful topic. Just being able to relate to them helps more of us than you know. Thank you.

    • I’m back after a two week hiatus! I am no longer working in that position, and have started my studies in Age Care. I will be posting some more updates soon—I also posted a short story, I know you recommended a writing competition but for me, for some of my stories, it’s more important that they are enjoyed by people rather than win some prize money and get published in a magazine that eventually gets forgotten. My co-workers, outwardly, at least, seem quite at ease in their jobs, but you never know, they could also be quietly masking their true selves and feelings. Lots of love ❤

      • “…for some of my stories, it’s more important that they are enjoyed by people…”
        Understandable! Your story was magnificent, and perhaps even more so in its careful occultness, if that makes sense.

        Hope your studies have been going smoothly!

      • They have been going pretty smoothly, though I’m finding the social environment very draining and tiring.
        Occultness! I love that word. Thank you for the immense compliment, I appreciate more than you can possibly imagine—it means the world to me that these stories, which have stayed locked up on my hard drive for so long, finally have been read by actual people, and people like you, who like them! Hope life is going good for you as well.

  3. Your writing is inspirational and beautiful. Thank you for sharing it with us, very comforting. Know that there is always someone that will love you unconditionally in this life, and that’s something so beautiful, there is a a heart beating for you, beating to offer you 100% of its love. Don’t give up or succumb to feelings of numbness in life. I was battling for so long suicidal feelings of numbness to everything this world could offer. I even booked a huge holiday to my dream places and i still felt unhappy. One week into my holiday i received a phone call that my dad was in hospital after a having a stroke, so i rushed back home on a 25+ hour flight. Lucky i made it in time to spend his last hours by his side, before he passed away. Life is precious down to its core. I felt his last heart beats, thought back on my life with him and remembered: He was someone who spent everyday of life, loving and dedicating his love to me. Just that fact in itself cured my numbness. No longer did i search for a sense of excitement for life internally or externally. I just remembered the importance of being loved, and every moment in this life is fulfilling when someone loves you in that way. There is someone out there for you, even if you haven’t found them, there is someone, and that is the reason to be alive. Dreams aren’t always illusions, they speak truth. Keep going, a heart beats for you.

    • Your words are so beautiful I have almost no words to reply to you, because they would not do them justice. Everything you wrote was perfect. Love does give meaning to life—love for animals, for the Earth, for other people, family and friends—and I think the point of life, in some ways, is to be a heart that beats for someone else. Your father is in Heaven, and I am sure he is proud and happy to have a daughter like yourself. Thank you, I am honoured that you liked my post, and take care. ❤

  4. Oh my god! i completely understand what you mean in this blog! Even I’m an INFP and god it’s so hard to deal with stress! And it’s actually so true that we need our lives to be slow and calm but are surrounded by the exact opposite kind of environment. I’m even considered lazy because of that trait of INFPs.🙈

    • Slow and calm, the perfect adjectives to describe the ideal work environment for INFPs. I am no longer working in that position, and have started my studies in Aged Care—nursing homes are generally slow and calm environments, and I think it will be a good fit for me, and in my remaining time I write fiction. Hopefully my choice in life might give you some ideas and inspiration for your own—it’s better to earn less and be happy than have a high salary and be miserable. You’re not lazy—you’re unique. Take care. ❤

  5. oh my god! i totally understand what you mean in this blog. Even I’m an INFP and god is it hard to deal with stress. It’s so true that we like slow and calm environment but are surrounded by the exact opposite of it. I’m even considered lazy because of wanting to do things slowly while it’s actually the stress of tasks and daydreaming going on in my head.🙈

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