6 More Life Tips For INFPs

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I wrote a previous post, which I will link HERE where I wrote 12 Life Tips for INFPs for a Patron of mine on Patreon (you can find my Patreon at http://www.patreon.com/dreamerrambling) and today, after a while spent working at my new childcare job, and delving into the world of online dating, I have grown as a person and learned some new things along the way which might help some other INFPs, and decided to make a Part 2 of the same post, titled “6 More Life Tips For INFPs”. Online dating, you might say? Yes. In fact, tomorrow, I’m meeting someone in person who I met online, through a dating app. He reads my blog, and he’s a writer and INFP himself, too. I’ll probably write another post all about that—but, for the meantime, let’s get into this post.

1. Social anxiety is all in your head, and doesn’t exist.

For a while in highschool, I suffered from social anxiety. It came out of the blue, and I believe it was a result of childhood trauma, but, either way, I suddenly found myself feeling nervous about talking to people, or even passing by people on the street. I know many INFPs can suffer from this problem, so my advice is, give it some time, let yourself acclimatise to social situations, keep leaving the house and putting yourself out there, and, eventually, you’ll realise it was all in your head, all along, and that other people don’t judge you as much as you think they do. I’ve been free of social anxiety for a while now, and this tip really helped me to overcome it two years ago. Just be yourself, put yourself out there, and don’t think too much. Let the words flow out of your mouth when you talk to people. You’ll get there.

2. You have to actively find your Prince Charming or Princess—and hey, maybe that’s something that exists in your head, too.

INFPs can sometimes have a very idealistic view of what their future partner might be, when, in reality, humans are flawed, not magical beings ready to fix all your problems. What’s more, like the passive creatures we can sometimes be, occasionally we might even find ourselves “wishing on stars”, and hoping for someone to just magically waltz into our lives and whisk us away on a romantic adventure. Unfortunately, the chances of that happening are very low. As I’ve matured, I’ve come to realise you have to get out there and look for someone to fall in love with. For example, I’ve recently started talking to someone online, and I like him and he’s really nice. I would have never have met him and talked to him if I hadn’t actively opened up a dating app account, put up pictures on my profile, then spent the time liking the profiles of other members on the site. You might want to rethink how you view love and romance altogether if you are still just waiting for it to fall in your lap: go join a church, join a group at your university, join a dating site, anything—take your destiny into your own hands.

3. Living in your car isn’t an option, and capitalism exists for a reason.

Sometimes, INFPs can have issues with the whole “earning a living” concept. Actually, scrap that: we can positively lament over the injustice of having to earn a living, when all we really want to do is write books and read and sing and dance and daydream and philosophise all day long, even though none of those activities bring in a single cent of income most of the time. Once upon a time, I was so against the idea of earning a living, because I couldn’t fathom doing anything except the activities mentioned above, that I even debated, without much hope, the thought of living out of one’s car. Obviously it wasn’t a viable option, and the reasons are also obvious: having a home, a roof over one’s head, is one of the most important things there is about life. You need it. We need capitalism in order for society to function. Otherwise, people wouldn’t work, wouldn’t have routines and purpose to their lives, and no-one would get their needs met. Sometimes, we need to mature, and realize that we, even us INFPs, need to follow the rules of this world, and live according to its paradigms.

4. Work doesn’t always have to be fun.

There’s a reason us INFPs, especially when we are younger, like the idea of just living off of our art and our dreams, even if it doesn’t pay the bills: it’s because art, like writing, is often fun, and what’s more, we sometimes only do it when we want to do it, rather than disciplining ourselves to write when we do not want to. But what I have discovered is that, while work can be rewarding, and it can be fun and very enjoyable, it isn’t necessarily fun and enjoyable all the time. And that’s okay. That’s just the nature of work. If it wasn’t that way, and it was just inherently fun, then there wouldn’t be a reason for someone to pay you to do it, because people would want to do it for free in the first place.

5. Sometimes, dreams don’t come true, and as painful as it may be, you may have to accept that they never will.

It’s a bitter pill to swallow, but the truth is, no matter how many of us want to become publishers authors or famous artists, the chances of that happening are very low. For the past three years, I have been painstakingly working on books for children, only to be dealt rejection after rejection from publishers. While it is certainly possible I might get published in the future, in my heart, I know that it is very unlikely, especially since I’ve been rejected so many times. I know, just maybe, that my book isn’t good enough to be published, that I don’t have enough talent or ability to make it in the publishing industry. Since it’s a dream of mine that I have nursed since I was five years old, this is something that will take me years to recover from, and that’s alright. It’s okay. Part of growing up is realising that you don’t always get what you want, even if you try your absolute hardest. It’s all part of reconciling your ideals with reality, something us INFPs find difficult to do.

6. You are a beautiful person, and you should never forget that.

INFPs can sometimes suffer from low self-esteem. We’re a little different from most people, in that we’re quiet, and thoughtful, and brimming with words and creative ideas. It can be a little difficult for us to form friendships with the right people, and we often found ourselves feeling isolated amongst certain groups of individuals. But you should never forget that we are beautiful, and unique, and different, and special, even if we never achieve anything mind-blowingly amazing, or look like we just stepped off the catwalk, or have a scintillating personality. As long as you stay true to yourself, and who you are, then the path before you is laid true, and you can do no wrong.

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18 thoughts on “6 More Life Tips For INFPs

      • I think we just need to constantly feed ourselves a more pessimistic or realistic view on life. Lower expectations.
        And also if you believe in God, it will be easier to cope with, since the meaning of life is not from being able to achieve a dream, but from God.

      • Definitely. God and His presence grants me a great deal of peace. Lower expectations. Yep. Aim lower, as Ellen DeGeneres once said in a speech (she meant it to be humorous, as can be expected).

  1. Spot on! World class! Grade A!

    Sorry, enough of that. Really, this might just be a few “tips” for you, but to me they sound like revelations. Very important ones.

    It took me a while to come to terms with number one. Oh God, it still affects me, though. For instance, I’m going away to sleep away camp for the third year this summer, and I’m in an absolute panic about it. I’m so afraid of not being able to truly “be myself” around new people (what does that even mean?), and feel comfortable and not homesick, and not socially awkward, and make friends. I get so anxious thinking about it. I had a crying fit in front of my mother because of this, because I am just so anxious about going.

    Thank you so, so much for number six. How I look is one of my biggest insecurities. I feel ashamed to even say that because I have so much going for me, I shouldn’t even complain about my appearance. But I feel absolutely terrible when I go to school, and so many of the girls there seem to have small noses, clear skin, small ears, small whatever (my ears are very different shapes from each other and I hate showing them), etc. But I know it shouldn’t matter anyway—I always tell myself that what I do is what matters, not what I am. But it’s so hard.

    You know Anne, I think your dreams will come true if you work for them. Easier said than done, of course. I think that any story is good enough for publishing, but it needs to be edited in very specific ways for it to fit the market. I mean (no offense to these authors, but, um…), have you seen some of the writing out there? There’s this YA novel about a pterodactyl who becomes the popular kid at school. Like he’s a real dinosaur. Same generic high school drama but with a pterodactyl. I don’t get it.

    Sadly the truth is that you do need money to self-publish. Yes, sometimes it can cost nothing, but it can also cost thousands of dollars. If you do self publish, I think it’s good to hire a professional editor. But please don’t take my complete word because I myself am not a professional ; )

    The main thing is to not give up (God this is sappy). If there’s one thing I have to disagree with you on here, it would be number five. Your dreams will come true. I think it’s amazing that we live in a time when we can become so accessible to the world, where there are so many resources available to us—online indie author support forums, self book-formatting softwares, even online logo self-design softwares. But like you said in number two, you gotta take action, and use these resources (If you want. I’m not trying to coerce you, I’m just getting excited haha). And I know you can do it.

    • Thought I should add—I meant if you want to get published traditionally or self-published, you should hire an editor. Not exclusively for self-publishing : )

    • Hi Karuna,
      I just wanted to let you know that your comment touched me in a very deep way. Thank you for your support and excitement on my behalf, it’s really very heart-warming. I will definitely try to access online and self-publishing platforms to spread my work. I’m definitely not going to die without splashing my words somewhere on the internet, where it will exist for ages. Hopefully, one day, I do get traditionally published. It’s looking rather bleak at the moment, but there’s always hope. That does sound like a strange book. Surely if that got published, my book can! Haha.
      As for your looks, I promise you, even without seeing you, that you are gorgeous. I just know you are. You must remember that everyone on this planet is beautiful, in their own way. It’s one of the deepest truths there is. You are beautiful, inside and out, and if someone truly cares for you, they will love all of you, your face, your mannerisms, the kind of person you are, etc.
      As for social anxiety, yes, just remember, no matter how hard it gets, eventually, you will get over it. It doesn’t matter if you blush or stutter—most people don’t care, they’ll forget about it in a day even if they do notice. You’ll be fine. It’s something, with enough exposure and experience, that you grow out of. You could try listening to Taylor Swift’s 1989 album to cheer you up; it always works for me. Here’s the link to one of my favourite songs: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mV68eYilkPQ
      I’m listening to the album right now. It’s dazzling, and the perfect distraction.

  2. It amazes me. I’m not big on astrology signs and what not. But the 16 personalities are just so spot on. INFP here, too! And I really related to everything that was in your post and even stuff that was left in the comments by others. As an INFP something I really struggle with is indecisiveness.. I recall reading a post the read something along the lines of “I struggle to make decisions because I see eight sides to everything.” And that just resonated with me more than anything… But also, yes, social anxiety and all that fun stuff you laid out. Well.. thank you for sharing your post and allowing other INFPs to gather and relate and share their stories here as well ❤

    • You’re welcome! Thank you for reading. Yes, personality types and astrology signs do tend to link together, don’t they? I’m glad you could relate, despite the fact that probably quite a few of things you could relate to, like social anxiety, can be more negative than positive. At least you aren’t alone in your feelings! Once again, you’re very welcome; I hope to keep writing posts like this in the future, and I definitely highly appreciate readers like you, who truly resonate with and understand my posts.

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