I thought I might write a small ramble today, just to catch up with all of you, my readers, and have a little heart-to-heart chat. Let’s see. What’s new with me. Nothing much, really. I’ve been spending my days writing novels and short stories, and the rest of the time studying to be a librarian—I think I might as well finish my course, before I start another in a more writing-related disciple, since I am so close to completing it. I quite enjoyed it, even though it was quite technical, lots of things to do with databases and Excel, and learning how to cover books with contact—you’d be surprised how hard it is to do that without getting bubbles in the contact—and things like that. I might actually try look around for a job as a librarian, even though they are scarce, before I go on to more tertiary study.
I’m much happier recently, and to that, I credit the fact that I am no longer as dissatisfied with life as I used to be, and I believe that is because I am making more progress with my writing. Whenever I get dissatisfied with life, it usually has something to do with my creative works and whether they’re coming along nicely or not. As it happened, my novels and shirt stories had sort of hit a dead-end creatively, in that I didn’t know where I was going with them and sometimes was writing nothing more than a blog post a day and doing no work on any of my creative tasks, which made me rather unhappy with myself and life in general. Thankfully, I managed to get over that speed bump and things are getting along much more smoothly now, and even though my writing is still not as good as I would want it to be, you can only get better.
I would love to know what is new with you. Feel free to write something in the comments section on how you are doing in life—I would love to hear about it, and I always respond to all my comments, except for the rare few that somehow end up falling through the cracks and getting unnoticed, or not picked up by the WordPress system. But that only happens very rarely, and I eventually do get around to them, after combing through my pages and re-reading my lovely comments from time to time.
Well, I just left off writing at this point of the post last night, and woke up today this morning, at around six a.m., to continue where I left off. There’s something about dawns that feels incredibly nostalgic to me. The way the grey dawn light shines down upon this half of the world, the singing of the birds, the bite of coolness to the air—all of it feels really beautiful to me. I’m listening to a lot of Marina and the Diamonds lately—currently listening to “Prima Donna” by her—as well as Regina Spektor, who, apart from Taylor Swift, is one of my most favourite singers and someone who I am pretty sure is an INFP, since she is so whimsical and creative.
How do I feel, after being awake for an exact total of 52 minutes, with the sun rising higher into the sky outside the window? Pretty good. This INFP is feeling pretty good. As usual, I feel extremely grateful for the fact that I have warm clothes to wear, food in the fridge, access to clean water and a roof over my head; I’ve taken to reminding myself of how fortunate I am in the mornings, and that has really helped put my problems and anxieties in perspective. I’m young, I’m healthy, and I still have a lot to give to the world, lots of books and stories I would like to write and publish, and lots of charities I would like to donate to, should I ever have the wherewithal to do so.
Oh, I almost forgot: please check out Tessa Violet, she’s an American singer whose music I have really been enjoying lately; her greatest hit so far on Youtube is a song called “Crush” but her songs “Bad Ideas” and “I Like (the idea of) You” are both extremely catchy and beautiful. A busy day looms ahead of me: I have a doctor’s appointment to make, I’m meeting up with friends in the morning and at night, and I have a lot of studying and writing to get through, so, wish me luck. It’s a lot of socialising in one day for an INFP, so I’ll need it.
Today has not been a good day. I am really struggling with my writing. Constantly, I run up against the limitations of my talents and find myself unable to produce anything even passable, let alone good. Apparently, it takes ten years to master a skill, and since I have only been doing this for about two or so odd years, I suppose I shouldn’t expect the words to flow easily yet, or for my writing to be of the standard as the next great Australian novel.
I’m also a little bored. I’m working on two novels at the moment, one in the category of Young Adult, the other Children’s fiction, and a short story, which is turning into quite a long, short story, and while the Young Adult novel is coming together a bit, the Children’s novel is very difficult to write because it’s my fifth time re-writing it and I’m a bit bored of the ideas. With the short story, I’m stuck, I have no idea where I am going with it, or in which direction the story should go, and although I have a vague idea of the ending, I’m not entirely satisfied with it.
More and more, writing, instead of a passion, is starting to feel like work, and I suppose that is a natural offshoot of treating writing like a job instead of a hobby. I have a set word count I have to hit everyday, otherwise I am not allowed to go to bed, and while I think it is working in helping me produce a steady amount of content, I have no idea if what I’m producing is any good. I’m even considering paying a couple of hundred dollars—money I cannot afford—to have an editor look over my work, and see if there are any plot holes or problems with pacing. Anyway. That’s enough from me for now. I’ll see you in the next entry of this blog post.
3:36 pm 23/05/2019
I am feeling better about my writing today, although technically nothing has changed and the words I wrote yesterday are still the same today. I guess sometimes it’s a matter of perspective: on some days, you can’t help but feel like the words you write are absolute rubbish; on other days, the writing seems, if not good, at least passable. This is going to be my last entry for this blog post—it has spanned over four days, and I just thought it would be a fun and interesting idea to structure a blog post like this.
On the 21st of May—or the 20th, if you live in the US or other countries—I got my second article published on Introvert, Dear, so you can go check that out. I’m proud of the fact that some of my writing is finally getting published on actual website, and that I am actually getting paid for my work, instead of working as I usually do for absolutely nothing so far on my novels and short stories. This is going to be a short last entry; after this, I’ll have to scrabble around for more ideas for blog posts: I am running out of them. Let me know if you like this style of blog post, where each entry is on a different day, and I’ll write more of them!