So my dear dreamers, it certainly has been quite a while since we’ve touched base. I hope you have all been well. I can’t say I am doing well, nor am I doing unwell. In the month that I’ve been absent from blogging, I haven’t so much as written a word, not even for this blog. I think I just needed a break from writing as a whole because it had become this gnarly, ugly thing for me, this thing I had to do to get published and plus, what I wrote just wasn’t very good and that was extremely disheartening.
In that month, I took up a new hobby, and that was cooking. I almost wrote baking, but most of my baked goods – namely cakes – turned out to be disasters – in one, I put too much baking soda so it turned out bitter, another was as dry as the Sahara desert when it came out of the oven. I made apple turnovers, alfredo pasta, passable Victoria sponge cake, Japanese mochi, broccoli and beef stir fry, chicken schnitzel, eclairs and various other foods I can’t remember right now. I’ve been in the kitchen practically this entire month during my waking hours, making use of whatever was in the pantry, searching for recipes online and on Youtube. I don’t know if it was a distraction from the fact that I had indefinitely given up my old hobby or passion, that of writing, but it certainly kept me busy and stopped me from grieving too much over the fact that my writing career seemed to be over before it had even begun.
During that month, I nearly even stopped reading. Just the sight of words was odious to me. Part of it, I admit, was because I was slightly jealous of all those beautiful books written by writers who had somehow managed to get published. Most of it was simply because I was so tired of words and so sick of writing. In hindsight, I was very tired of my passion and also deeply grieving over the fact that I would never properly succeed at it for the rest of my life. But over the last couple of days, a change has occurred, and it has mostly occurred because my characters keep bubbling to the surface of my mind. There are three characters in particular for three separate books, which come to mind the most, and over time, as the month wore on, I couldn’t help but feel it would be a disservice to them not to allow them to come to life on a page.
I think these characters partly keep coming to me because they feel alive to me, as writers often say. What is more, they feel like really good, interesting characters that could carry a story – although what story, I’m still unsure of – and it would be a shame to waste them. I’m not saying that I’m going to go back to writing fiction. It’s still far too early to say that. I can easily envision myself writing a couple of sentences or paragraphs and scrapping the whole thing and baking some cookies instead. But the characters are there, is what I’m saying, and they’re looking at me quite pointedly, as if to say, Well, when are you going to get on with it? And even that, that tiny spark, even though I don’t think I could ever write a story that would do them justice, is exciting for me.
If I were ever going to start a story, it’d be the third character, a girl of nine years old. This is because out of all three characters, her plot is the one I’ve got the slightest handle on compared to the other two characters, with whom the plot is just non-existent and sometimes non-operative (as in, it falls to pieces and just doesn’t work). I have actually yet to properly write a children’s book, so we’ll see whether I can make a start on it in the upcoming months. The other two characters are teenagers, one is sixteen and the other is seventeen, although I’m tempted to make the second of these two characters an adult and turn it into an adult book, although whether my abilities are up to that is anyone’s guess.
But enough about me. How are you? The world is in a state of chaos these days and I’m lucky to live in Australia where the coronavirus is well under control. I sincerely hope you have been well, healthy and safe, dear dreamers. I do apologise for the extended absence, but I really did need the month-long break from the written word. Honestly, I’ve basically been channelling all my grief about giving up writing indefinitely or even forever into my cooking and baking, and while I did enjoy cooking, at the end of the day, writing is a hobby that might be more up my alley.
Do let me know if you would like to see more blog posts now that I am unofficially back. Oftentimes, I don’t write blog posts because after doing this for around seven years, I don’t have many ideas left on what to write about and my life is far from interesting. I read, I search for jobs, I go to appointments, I clean, I cook, I tidy, and hopefully in the near future I’ll add writing to the list. In the evenings, I’ve slipped into the habit of watching MasterChef Australia, which I would recommend for everyone. This season has been fantastic, the challenges amazing and the cooks seem to be friendly and lovely people. I don’t have a favourite cook, but it’s nevertheless such an entertaining show. I also can’t wait for my course to start in the Spring so that I can get out of the house a little more and do some learning, and I’ll be sure to tell you all about it. I hope you all look after yourselves, dear dreamers, and until we talk and dream again, take care.