I think, over the years, I’ve certainly changed and evolved as an INFP. Starting this post, I debated whether I should title it “God’s Influence On My Life” or “Let God Change Your INFP Life” or “How God Changed This INFP’s Life”. As you can tell from the title of this post, I settled on the third option, and thus, in this post, I’m going to talk to you about what traits or attributes a mature INFP might possess, after going through much internal turmoil and strife.
This time two years ago, I’m pretty sure I was as depressed as it was possible for anyone to be, housebound because I was too socially anxious and afraid of large spaces to leave the house, and traumatised by, well, traumatic events of my life, some of which left me so scarred I was actually experiencing agoraphobia because of PTSD. My life was such a mess, it couldn’t have been cleaned by…the cleaning angels. I was lost. Every single minute and second that passed was awful. I clutched on tightly to my concept that I was a special little snowflake, and would one day shine, my books on shelves, gleaming bright and new. I was jealous, sad, ill, twisted, unhappy, strange, weird and uncomfortable.
Then it all changed. God entered my life. I felt a presence around me, inside my heart, comforting and immense. He cleansed my sorrows and pains, my sickness, everything. I stepped out into the world, with renewed confidence and love for life. It wasn’t easy. At first, I shied away from the light and the busyness of the streets, but, slowly, I grew accustomed to it, and now, two years later, I walk down the streets as confidently as any other person. I began to write again, just as furiously as I’d previously had, only this time, because I felt God nudging me in this particular direction, I began to turn off my inner critic when I wrote, letting the words seep out from my heart. If this blog is a testament to my writing, since it’s views have increased exponentially over the years, then writing from my heart has certainly been the right path to walk on.
Everything in my life is bright now. Instead of being greedily fixated on the idea of making a name for myself and publishing a book, I’m writing because I want to tell a good story and make a book good enough to get published for people to read and enjoy. Music lilts its way into my ears, lovely and delightful. I dance around to tunes when they burble out of my phone. While my dream, of getting a book or more published, still lingers tantalisingly out of reach, I’ve come to realise that there’s no point in sweating and crying over it, because even if I do get published, however many years into the future, the journey would have been sad and awful, and I’d rather, as Miley Cyrus wrote in her song, enjoy the “climb”.
With God in my heart, I don’t even yearn for a boyfriend anymore. I used to do that a lot. Without a father figure in my life, the house felt slightly barren, and I yearned for a male presence in my life, yearning for it, basking in it on public transport whenever I sat next to a handsome young man, my soul leaning towards the confidence of my male friends. I don’t do that anymore. There is no hole inside of me anymore. That’s the thing. INFPs, and perhaps most people, as they grow older, realise there is a hole inside of themselves, not able to be filled by anything in the world, except (at least, that is what I believe) God. God is holy, beautiful, perfect. He is behind everything in this world, and He loves us for who we are, although that doesn’t give us the license to do whatever we want. Like any relationship, we have to show up as the best versions of ourselves in order to maintain a good bond with our Creator. Sins, like greed and selfishness, have no place in our union with Christ.
I do apologise if it sounds like I am preaching, but it’s just that, as INFP, I feel as in God, I have found the perfect friend in life, because He loves me utterly and understands me completely and since INFPs often find it hard to find people who love us for our quirky selves, let alone understand us, this is unreal and amazing. You’re not a lone, special snowflake, as I once believed I was: instead, all of us special snowflakes, created by God, and we are here on this Earth to live, laugh, love, dream and create. We are also here for reasons beyond our ken.
Listen. I used to be a jealous, horrible person sometimes, yearning after other people’s lives, jealous of this woman or that woman, twisted up and ugly on the inside. Now, I radiate beauty and kindness. No longer do I think I am ugly; I know I am beautiful, as beautiful as the stars. So are you. You are God’s beloved child. Our creations, the things we do, our lives, everything is important to our Heavenly Father. Every tear shed, every sorrow curled up like a dark, worm-like shadow in our hearts, is known, acknowledged, and God, when he sees you sad, wraps you close to Him, in his Heavenly arms. When you are with God, when you welcome him into your life, there is nothing you fear anymore; instead, you are just abundantly filled with joy and happiness.
These days, I’m working happily on my book, which is a 60,000 word novel that I’ve been working on for about two years, going through a final edit, and studying a librarian course. I spend my days enjoying television shows like 6teen, listening to songs, singing my heart out and dancing to music, spending time with friends and family, going to church, and waking up each day with a smile in my heart and excitement bubbling through my veins. This is a cruel world (I recently became vegetarian, just because I couldn’t stand animal suffering a moment longer—don’t even get my started on the subject) and that is because evil exists, strong and powerful, but you must remember it is never stronger than good, never stronger than God. Even when we die, or when animals are slaughtered, I believe our and their souls are cradled in the palm of God, and carried off to the afterlife. I believe this wholeheartedly, because I have felt His presence.