A Rambling Diary Entry

bridge.jpg

What to write about? For once, my ideas ran dry when I put my fingers to the keys, and I found myself completely at a loss as to what to say. So I’ll just let this piece be a stream of consciousness, kind of like a diary entry, and I hope you find some worth in it.

It’s strange, but I feel as though only now am I beginning to see life clearly and properly. As a kid, everything was so fun and every little thing a “big deal”, but now, as I’ve grown older, I’m finding life to be quite ordinary and mundane, even the exciting things, like going on holidays. Granted, I haven’t been going on holidays, but I have been watching tours of countries of Europe on Youtube, and that is almost just as good as visiting the places yourself, and it seems to me something even as fun as travelling could get boring after a while, if you do it for long enough. None of the books I read I find interesting anymore, nor do I find any movies particularly riveting. Life has turned into a blank canvas, and there’s no-one to paint on it to make it look more interesting, not even myself.

What is life, anyway? A blip, really, a short little nick on the surface of consciousness. One moment we are alive, the next we are dead and gone, returned as matter to the universe, to rot in the ground and float away as ashes on the wind. It just seems so pointless, sometimes, though I know people say that life is meant to be an adventure and you’re meant to go along it for the ride. But what if the ride is going very slowly, or has completely stopped? Then what? I’m still very young, and have years ahead of me, and suddenly I’m not looking forward to them with anticipation but with dread, because they promise only more boredom, the same old mundane reality as before. Wouldn’t it be amazing if something truly out of the ordinary happened, like a mass quarantine to prevent the spread of a disease, or something like that? Not anything that would truly hurt people very much, just something to spice things up a little, the way a fire drill might make school more exciting. Or if the Hunger games really started to happen? No, I take that back: that would be horrific, not exciting; but you get my drift. I just desperately want something to happen, something to break the monotony.

I suppose once I start studying and get myself occupied doing more things than just blogging things will seem much less bleak. Occupation, I’ve found, is the true antidote to boredom, and I can’t wait to start studying and then working, hopefully as a nurse in the near future, so that I have something to do with my time. Being useful, having some utility in this world, and working steadily most days, is, I believe the secret to happiness, not wealth and riches, because that can lead to boredom and idleness. There are only so many diamond rings you can buy and designer clothes you can try on before the “rich life” becomes dull. Let’s see. What else is there to say? I made chicken bone soup today. I bought the chicken myself, cooked it, made it into some chicken sushi, then I boiled the bones with some purple coins for a couple of hours in a pot on the stove. The broth was quite thin, but it was still a pale brown and full of nutrients, so that was nice. That, in case you were wondering, was the highlight of my day yesterday, making food, because I didn’t end up writing a blog post because I didn’t know what to write about. From now on, though, I’ll try to write everyday, if only for something to do, even if most of what I write is aimless like this piece. At the very least I am still writing. I have entirely given up on my fiction writing, my ideas have completely run dry and I have not a smidge of creativity left in my brain. It’s true. I don’t know how it happened, I don’t know why, but along with the boredom has come a dearth of creative ideas. I’m really not the happiest camper at the moment, and I certainly hope you’re doing much better than I am.

 

Advertisements